I have a good friend who exclaims, “Give me strength!” when she’s faced with a challenging situation. I think that’s a very appropriate response, and lately I’ve been saying it myself. A lot.
When my mom’s old flip phone stopped being dependable, my sisters and I decided to get her a new smart phone. We really did think it it would be easier for her to use than her outdated flip phone, but it turns out that we were wrong. Swiping a screen was a new concept for her, and she either pressed her finger too long and hard or too lightly to be detected. She wasn’t used to typing in a code to unlock her screen, and was completely confused by the myriad of choices that kept popping up on her screen. She couldn’t read the fine print that said “swipe up to answer” but she was drawn to the large “edit contact” button, often pushing it before she tried to make a call. That resulted in my contact information going from “Ann Coleman” to something like”243y Cx9L.”
It wasn’t long before we admitted defeat and got her a newer version of her old flip phone. It’s a bit awkward, but she’s more comfortable with it because most of the buttons are similar to her old phone. She has figured out how to make calls. But the problem with the new phone is the ultra-sensitive volume buttons are on the side of the phone, exactly where she holds it when she uses it. That means she keeps turning the volume off so the phone doesn’t ring when we’re trying to call her.
But as challenging as this whole business has been, the worst part is I believe all this hassle is completely unnecessary. Yes, my mom is 92 and her days of learning complicated new things are over. But she’s been using a phone her whole life and figuring out how to use a new phone shouldn’t be causing her (or me) this much stress. All she wants and needs is a simple device on which to make and receive telephone calls. She has no desire to use her phone to send emails, check the weather, or text. She certainly doesn’t need a phone that can open a garage door (she doesn’t have a garage), pay her bills, or do any of the dozens of other things the various apps on her phone kept offering to do. All those extras do are confuse her, and worse, make her feel old and stupid and a burden on her daughters.
I seriously doubt that my mother is the only person who would prefer to have a simple cell phone that requires no more knowledge to use than the phone number of the person you want to call. So my question is, why is it so hard to find and purchase a phone like that? I’m not advocating doing away with smart phones; I’m just saying they’re not for everybody. Old age is hard enough without struggling to master a complicated new phone. My hope is that someday, those who design new phones will come up with a model aimed at people like my mom. But until that day arrives, all I can say is: “give me strength….”
It’s been three weeks since I broke my foot, and since the break was really just a “hair-line fracture” of only one bone, I am now allowed to walk around without my big bulky boot. And while I’m absolutely thrilled that I’m no longer clomping around like the Frankenstein monster, there is a catch: I have to wear supportive footwear for at least the next four weeks. Apparently, it takes a long time for bones in our feet to completely heal, and until they do, they’re still fragile and at risk for a serious break that would require surgery. And obviously, foot surgery is something I want to avoid.
And you know what? It was enough. We loaded the patio table with breakfast food and drinks, hooked up some fans to keep it as cool as possible, and filled the wading pool for our grandson to play in. Our newborn granddaughter even joined us outside for a little while before going into back into air-conditioned house for her morning nap. Mom opened her gifts, we all enjoyed each other’s company, and we finished before the temperature became unbearably hot.
Someday, we will throw Mom the big birthday celebration we had originally planned, even if it ends up being for her 91st birthday instead. But I’m so glad that we had our small get-together in honor of her 90th birthday, and that Mom got to celebrate with at least some of her family. In these times when so many plans have been cancelled, I think it’s important to be as flexible as we possibly can and to adapt our plans to fit the circumstances. As my grandmother used to tell me, “Sometimes it’s best to just make do with what you have, and be grateful for it.” Wise words for sure….
It helps to remember that the life we’re living today is the one that will be creating the memories of tomorrow. Like, say, sharing a meal in your new apartment with your favorite (if only) great-grandson….
I was stunned. The apartment we looked at was bright and airy, had an extra closet, and a balcony that overlooked the garden. We all loved it, but were told that balcony apartments could take as much as two years to get, so Mom knew that the apartment she was going to get most likely wouldn’t have the balcony or extra closet. And yet that exact apartment was now available immediately. Mom was thrilled, and so were we, but it meant “changing gears” again as we prepare for a move in the very near future.
I learned that planning is a good thing, as long as I bear in mind the possibility that things can happen that blow my plans right out of the water. I learned that my mother can exhibit a great deal of grace under pressure, and that she knows how to be brave when confronted with the possibility of a serious health issue. I hope that she learned she can count on her family to help her in those times, because that is exactly what family is supposed to do.
I’m grateful that I got the chance to host my mom’s 87th birthday party so that she could celebrate with some of her family and friends. So many of my friends have lost their moms in recent years, and I know that they would give anything to be able to have them around for just one more family gathering. When I was young, I tended to take my parents for granted (as young people do) thinking that they would always be around when I finally decided to make time for them. Now I know better.
But mostly, I will always remember that this is the summer that I learned that we will be welcoming a grandson into our family in a few months. Becoming a grandmother will be a huge and wonderful change in my life, and I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the reality that my daughter is going to have a baby of her own. To say I’m excited for the arrival of my first grandchild would be an understatement.
In most ways, I take after my father much more than my mother. I inherited his sense of humor, his passion for reading, his deep love of animals, and (unfortunately) his sagging neck line and tendency to be a bit wide in the middle. My mother and I look nothing alike, and I have none of her teaching, sewing, or decorating skills. But there is one trait that my mother and I do share: we both have astonishingly bad memories. And that’s beginning to worry me a little.
My mother is at the age where I often accompany her to important visits, and I see the looks that she sometimes gets when she has problems remembering stuff. And I know the time is coming when I’m going to be getting those looks as well. Which probably explains why I can get a little defensive about my mother’s memory (or lack thereof), because I not only know it’s just who she is, but I realize it’s also who I am.
Muddling Through My Middle Age 