I started this blog because I wanted to write about the phase of my life that I called “middle age,” even if I was a bit old for that title. At the time, I was feeling a little bit lost and unsure of myself in the face of changes that sometimes seemed overwhelming. I was a stay-at-home mom whose kids had grown up and moved out, and a free-lance writer who hadn’t sold anything in years. My mother had reached the age where our roles were beginning to reverse. Trying to keep up with the latest in technology left me feeling both confused and inadequate. Worst of all were the changes that aging had wrought on my body, which essentially meant that everything that could possibly go south had done so, and I couldn’t read a thing without my reading glasses.
One way or another, I felt that my old identity had been stripped away and I hadn’t yet found my new one. I thought that blogging about it might help, because writing has always helped me sort out just exactly what I am thinking and feeling. And I was right…..it did help. Just not quite in the way I had thought.
It’s been over three years since I launched Muddling Through My Middle Age, and I still haven’t found that new identity. But after spending so much time writing about the struggle to figure out just who I have become, I finally realized that it is that it’s perfectly okay not to know exactly who I am, or to claim a particular role and self-image and try to make it last for the rest of my life. Because life is constantly changing, and the only way I can ever hope to cope with that is by being willing to change right along with it.
Of course some things about me will always stay the same. My basic personality, my morals and my values, my deepest loves and my most annoying quirks are with me for life. But so many other things have changed. Just in recent years, I’ve become a blogger, a mother-in-law and a grandmother. I am, slowly but surely, gaining confidence in my ability to master technology. I have embraced new ideas and conquered some old fears. I have become more “comfortable in my own skin” than I have ever been, even if that skin is awfully wrinkled and saggy these days.
The truth is, there is no such thing as just one new identity for me to discover and embrace for the rest of my life. There’s just me….continually changing, growing and adapting to whatever life happens to bring. And that’s a good thing.