Comfort

There are times in life when it’s hard not to feel sorry for ourselves, and this is definitely one of them. We’re grieving for our old way of life, when we could come and go as we pleased, hang out with friends and family, and being in a large crowd wasn’t dangerous and illegal. We’re worried that we might get seriously ill, or that someone we love might get sick and or die, and our hearts break for all of those who are grieving a loved one right now or battling this virus themselves. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, anxious and depressed, and of course, that is often exactly what we are feeling these days.

But we’re in this for the long haul, and personally, I can’t live in a constant state of worry and fear. So I try very hard to focus on the things in my life that are still good, right here and now, even in the midst of the chaos. And I’ve found that once I stop worrying quite so much about what might happen and yearning quite so much for what I once had, I realize that there are still many things in my life that inspire nothing but gratitude.

I’m grateful that I still have my health, and that no one in my family has yet caught this virus. I know that can change at any time, which is why I’m also incredibly grateful for all the brave souls in the health care field who are risking their own health every time they go to work. Their dedication and courage will not be forgotten anytime soon.

I’m glad that I’m able to provide childcare for my grandson while his daycare is closed, because few things are better than spending time with a grandchild. And as anyone who cares for toddlers knows, they are a wonderful distraction from the worries in life, both big and small.

I’m grateful that I have a back yard I can enjoy when I feel the need to get out of my house, especially now that there are signs of Spring everywhere I look. In the midst of so much loss, it’s reassuring to see the signs of new life in the budding trees and the blooming flowers. Spring is all about new birth and renewal, and that’s a message we can use right now.

I’m grateful that so far, I’ve been able to get everything I truly need in terms of food and basic supplies. The empty shelves in the supermarkets do fill back up, and the temporary shortages remind me not to take any of it for granted. Even in the face of this contagious virus, people are still producing food and medicine, delivering it to the stores, and working at those stores so that the rest of us can have what we need to live. And immense gratitude is the only possible response.

I’m grateful for the small things that make these days so much easier to bear: getting lost in a good book, spending the evening playing Yahtzee with my husband, and talking to my mom on the phone every day, especially when she tells me she’s doing just fine. I’m cooking more than I have in years, so I’m especially grateful that my husband always tells me that what comes out of my kitchen “tastes great,” even those times when I know it doesn’t.

But most of all, I’m grateful for all the wonderful people in my life who take the time to stay in touch because there is no way in the world I would get through the upcoming weeks without their support. Sharing our worries, offering each other encouragement, helping each other find some way to laugh and be happy, even for a little while, makes all the difference. So to everyone who is reaching out right now, through phone calls, texts, emails, blogs, or social media….thank you. Because you are a reminder that together, we really will get through this. And I couldn’t possibly be more grateful for that.

I’m an introvert, but that doesn’t mean I’m actually a quiet person. The fact that I’m an introvert simply means that I need a certain amount of time by myself each day, and that I can get a little cranky when I don’t get that alone time. But stick me in a group of people, and my mouth tends to go into overdrive. It doesn’t even matter if I don’t have something that I especially want to say, I’ll still chatter away until the people around me are beginning to think that they might like a little alone time themselves.

Part of the problem is that when I get nervous, I tend to start rambling on about anything that pops into my head. But the biggest reason I sometimes talk too much is my long-standing, but misguided, belief that I am somehow responsible for making sure that everyone around me is okay, and that it’s my job to fix their problems if they aren’t. That’s the reason that I sometimes jump into conversations that aren’t really any of my business, and offer solutions that no one asked for. It’s annoying, I know, and I’m working hard to stop it.

Breaking old habits isn’t easy, but I am making progress. Slowly but surely, I’m learning that there are many, many times when the best thing I can do is keep my big mouth shut and just listen. Listen as someone else talks about their life, their problems, their grief, or whatever they happen to be dealing with at the moment, because that’s their time to talk and not mine. They aren’t expecting me to fix their problems or take away their grief, they just need a sympathetic ear as they work through their own thoughts and emotions.

Don’t get me wrong, wanting to help other people is a good thing. And when I’m busy telling people what they ought to do or how they should deal with a particular problem, my heart really is in the right place. The problem is, I’m not actually helping. Unless someone has specifically asked for my advice, I need to assume that they don’t really want or need it. Sometimes the help we want to give and the help that other people need to receive are two different things.

There are words that we can offer that will always be welcomed, and when in doubt, it’s best to stick with those. Words of compassion and encouragement, such as “I’m so sorry this happened” or “I’ll be here for you” are good. Once when I was fretting about an upcoming oral surgery, I had a friend look me in the eye and simply say, “You’ve got this.” Just knowing she had confidence in my ability to cope helped enormously.

So I will continue to work on reining in my tendency to talk when it would be far better to remain silent, and to choose my words carefully when I do speak up. Because sometimes the best thing to be is simply…..quiet.