As my 92-year old mother often tells me, it’s hard to be old. I may be almost thirty years younger, but trust me, I know what she’s talking about. I’ve never been a vain person (or had reason to be), but never before has looking in a mirror resulted in quite so much shock and dismay. It’s been years since I could read a book without a pair of reading glasses, but now I also need the glasses when I go shopping, because otherwise I can’t read the price tags and expiration dates. And when I first started walking shelter dogs over twenty years ago, I was happy to walk any dog that needed to go out, no matter how strong or rowdy. These days I gravitate toward the dogs that are smaller and calmer, desperately hoping that someone else will get to the mastiffs and rottweilers before my walking shift is over.
There was a time when I took my pants to the tailor to have the waistline taken in, because my waist has always been one size smaller than my hips. Nowadays, I take my pants to the tailor only if I need them hemmed…..and that’s not because my hips have gotten smaller. I could go on, but the list is too depressing. I know all these physical changes are a normal part of aging, but that doesn’t always make them easier to accept.
Still, the part of aging I find hardest isn’t the loss of my youthful vigor or looks, but the loss of the many people, both family and friends, that I have known and loved. I know I’m lucky to have my mother still in my life, as many of my friends have become the oldest generation in their immediate family. But I still miss my father and my grandparents, and all the other people who passed away before I was ready to let them go. Loss of loved ones is a part of aging that can be very hard to accept.
Thankfully, there is an upside to growing older, and that is that once we’ve reached the point where we have more years behind us than we do ahead, we’ve also had the time to learn a few things. We’ve figured out just what a precious gift good health is, even if we can’t read the small print anymore. We treasure our friends and family even more because we know they won’t be with us forever, and we also know how much we’ll miss them when they’re gone. If we’ve been paying attention at all, we finally realize just how precious and fragile life really is, and that so much of the stuff we spend our time worrying and fretting about doesn’t matter in the least.
The good thing about aging is we often become more honest with ourselves and with others, daring to share our true selves with the world and allowing those around us to do the same. We know how important it is to support each other through hard times, and we learn the value of overlooking so many of the things we’ve allowed to divide us. If we let it, aging can actually bring out our best selves, which is always a good thing. Even if we can’t actually see it in the mirror……
We actually had a rather nice Thanksgiving this year. The vaccines allowed us to gather as an extended family, and for that I was thankful. I was even more thankful that my husband’s long battle with cancer finally seems to be over, and that we will soon be welcoming another grandchild into our family. Also, I managed to cook the turkey without setting off the smoke alarm, which doesn’t always happen. All of which is to say that, even in these troubled times, there is still a whole lot of good going on. We just have to be willing to see it….
There is no doubt that we have been through some very trying times, and that some of us have faced devastating losses. It’s easy to believe that most of the good things we took for granted before the pandemic have been lost forever, but I honestly don’t believe that’s true. There are still so many reasons to be hopeful….we just have to keep looking until we find them.
So I’m dragging out my Fall decorations, placing pumpkins and mums on my front porch, and pretty soon I’ll bake the traditional pumpkin pie that, to me, always signals the beginning of this season. I know that the leaves on the trees will soon be exploding in beautiful colors and that the shorter days mean cooler nights, which are perfect for enjoying on our patio. No, I didn’t get the Summer I had hoped for, but who knows? This Fall might just make up for it. It’s worth a try, anyway.
I was dusting the spare bedroom the other day when I noticed a piece of paper sticking out from my grandmother’s old family Bible. Curious, I pulled it out and discovered it was a reflection, neatly typed on a small piece of paper with my grandmother’s name signed at the bottom of it. I have no idea if this is something she wrote herself, or if she found it somewhere and decided with was worth copying down and saving. At any rate, it ended up in the same Bible where she kept a careful record of our family’s births, marriages, and deaths, so I believe it must have held some special meaning for her. And after reading it, I can understand why.
And the fact that life can be unexpectedly hard isn’t the only thing I accept. I also accept, and even plan on, the fact that life can also be quite good. Which is why I have every intention of making a dinner reservation at a very nice restaurant when next year’s anniversary rolls around, and I might even look into booking a weekend getaway as well. That celebration may not actually happen, but I’m hoping it will, and that hope is enough for me.
I know that I was very lucky to be able to go on vacation recently, and that many people are still living under restrictions that don’t allow any travel at all. But my point is that all of us, no matter what our circumstances, would benefit from finding a way to take a break from our problems and spending even a little time doing whatever we can to recharge our bodies and refresh our souls. Keeping hope alive and finding those moments of happiness isn’t always easy, but it is always worth the effort.
Muddling Through My Middle Age 