Clean Living

/ Ann Coleman

I blame it on Agatha Christie.  Both of my parents were fans of Agatha Christie’s mysteries, so I had access to dozens of her books and read them while I was still young and impressionable.  Most of her works featured Hercule Poirot, a retired Belgian police officer who had a love for cleanliness and a passion for order and tidiness.  I read dozens of books in which Poirot solved his cases not just by “employing his little grey cells,” but by methodically gathering clues and putting them into the proper order.

I may not have Poirot’s detective skills or brain power, but I must have assimilated his love of cleanliness and order.  How else do you explain the fact that the spices on my spice rack are in alphabetical order?  Or that the books on my bookshelf are grouped both according to the author, with subcategories for hardback and paperback books?  I read a home-decorating article once that said end tables must be decorated in groups of threes, and now all my end tables have exactly three framed photos or knick-knacks on them.

My kitchen is small, so I have an extra pantry in the basement where the food is sorted according to size and expiration date.  The tops in my closet are hung according to style, with the sleeveless tops at the far right, followed by short-sleeved, three-quarter sleeved, and finally, long-sleeved.  Those are the casual tops.  The dressy ones are on the rack directly above, similarly sorted.  My shoes, on the other hand, are just haphazardly stuck in there, don’t ask me why.  Poirot would be horrified.

Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how you look at it, my husband is at the complete opposite end of the spectrum.  I have a photo of the contents of one of his drawers I keep just in case I’ll ever need it for blackmail.  If I tell you the photo contains both underwear and a screwdriver, you’ll get the idea.  One of the many reasons we have a happy marriage is that we never share closet space or dresser drawers, and I do all the cooking.

I have long since learned to stop apologizing for my compulsive desire to organize things, or to try to change my husband’s lack of organization.  (Clearly, he didn’t grow up on Hercule Poirot novels.)  Because I’ve learned that a happy home doesn’t have to be either clean or messy.  It just has to be the place where we get to be ourselves, and know that we’re loved and accepted for exactly who we are.

81 thoughts on “Clean Living”

  1. A good example of the axiom Opposites attract. Sometimes guys are fastidiously neat when dating, but not so much after marriage as my beloved often reminds me. Why was your car always clean when we were dating, but so messy now? Hmmm. I don’t have an answer, but, I will go wash it. I hope the spring weather will help me get things tidied up. I made a start on it today. Cheers Ann. Allan

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    • In some ways, they really do! My husband and I have similar values and traits, but we also have many areas where we are the exact opposite. And that works for us! I think many marriages are that way…we sort of balance each other out.

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  3. Like Ally, I’m the messy one in this house. I’ve learned over the decades to moderate my mess and keep it mostly to myself, and Bill has learned what to overlook. As long as we continue to have separate bathrooms, I think we’ll make it to the finish line.

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    • I think the longer we’re in a relationship, the more we figure out that the goal isn’t to change the other person to be just like us, it’s figuring out a way to live with the differences that keeps things interesting. For us, it’s separate closets and dressers. For others, separate bathrooms also works! The trick is just figuring out what works for you and your spouse, I think.

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  4. Just for grins, I took a look inside the bag I carry around with me on a daily basis. Let’s just say I’m on your husband’s end of the spectrum. I’ll spare you the inventory, but I willl say that every single thing in there has a purpose — of some sort! I’ll admit that the thought of alphabetized spices stopped me, but I have my own way of organizing them: by use, rather than name

    I got my first lesson in the kinds of differences that can exist when I lived in Liberia. I organized the kitchen by categories: plates here, pots there. My houseboy organized by function: rice, pot, bowl, and spoon together. It took us a while to get used to one another.

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    • That’s a very good point…what strikes one person as unorganized might actually be organized, just a different way from what we’re used to. I alphabetize my spices so I can easily find the one I need (Basil, top shelf on left, Sage, bottom shelf on right). But if lining them up in a different way helps you find the right spice in a hurry, then that’s also good organization. I honestly think my husband just plain isn’t organized, but I could be wrong about that. Or it could be that as an accountant where he has to make every single detail add up, he just likes to be more random in his home! But it doesn’t matter, what matters is that we’ve figured out a way to live with our different storage styles.

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  6. It is best not to share drawers of side of closets. My spices are not alphabetized but I know where to find them. I have a thing about straightening the labels of everything so that I can see them. Husband was in the navy so he organizes his undies and socks as if they needed to fit in a locker. I toss mine in a drawer. My books are organized in my own system. Poirot remembered things too. Love Agatha Christie’s novels!

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    • That’s another great example of different people organizing things in different ways! And I suspect part of the reason I’m so big on organizing might be my horrible memory. My system helps me find things, because without it, I would never remember where I put anything. And yes, I still enjoy Agatha Christie’s novels! They are old fashioned now, but that’s part of the charm…reading them is a brief escape from reality, sort of like novels set in foreign countries.

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  7. I’m like you – organized. Always have been. I have trouble doing a task if the space is chaotic.
    I’ve read a few studies that suggest people who have uncluttered, organized spaces are less likely to be depressed and fatigued. The brain’s visual cortex doesn’t get overwhelmed when task-irrelevant objects are removed.
    I told my husband about your husband with the screw driver in his underwear drawer. His comment was – “I bet he knows exactly where that screw driver is!”

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    • I’m like you, in that clutter actually bothers me and makes me feel overwhelmed. Having things organized feels so much more peaceful, and bonus: I can find stuff. As for my husband, that’s a good point….I’ll have to ask him if he truly meant to keep his screwdriver and underwear in the same drawer!

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    • I don’t think they’re incredible, they’re just thorough. (I like that word so much better than obsessive.) I started doing that when I realized I was having trouble finding clothes in my closet. Now if I want a three-quarter sleeve top, I can just look in my closet and see what my choices are. Before, I’d have to root through the whole thing, and even then I might miss the shirt I was looking for!

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      • You said exactly what I was thinking, Ann. It would make it much easier to find what I am looking for. I love how you choose your words carefully. Thorough vs. obsessive – I love that! I think organized is the perfect word to describe you!

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  9. When I worked the files were piled up on the floor..but I knew where everything was to be found. My husband needs to spread thing over tables…table after table after table….but he too knows where everything is.
    I could do with your organisational skills for my kitchen stuff though!

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    • I think the only important part is knowing where everything is. Each of us organizes stuff the way that makes the most sense to us, and that’s okay. As for my pantry, I started doing that when I realized I was throwing food out for being past its expiration date simply because it had gotten shoved to the back of the pantry. So now I try to put the newest food purchases in the back, and the oldest ones in the front. I find I waste a lot less food that way!

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  10. I don’t function without organization. My clothing is organized much the same way Ann, also by season as well. When I worked everyone with my same job shared the same desk. I couldn’t work until I straightened it 😉

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    • Yes! I try to only have seasonal clothes in my closet too. The out-of-season clothes are stored in bins in the basement. That makes the amount of clothes in my bedroom very manageable, and having them organized the way I do makes it easy to see what my options are when I’m getting dressed. I figure anything that makes life a bit easier is a good thing!

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  11. I aspire to your level of neatness, but I am not quite there. But it sounds like my husband is even worse than your husband. My husband has heaps of clothes on his side of the closet floor. As you say, as long as our areas of the closet are separate, I can live with it!

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    • Yes, I could never function with my husband’s system for storing his clothes, but he’s just fine with it…and frankly, he usually dresses better than me! They key is to allow each of us to manage our things in the way that suits us best. Sounds as if you know exactly what I’m talking about!

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    • That’s a very good one! Some of her books were definitely better than others, in my opinion. My favorite three are “Death Comes at the End” (because it’s set in ancient Egypt and I learned a lot from that) and “And Then There Were None” and “Endless Night” because of the endings I truly didn’t see coming.

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    • I think you are right! Although we have the same values and priorities in life, my husband and I go about things very differently. And I do think that’s a part of what makes our marriage work. So nice to hear from you again!

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  15. *removes extra long-handled cooking-pot-tightening screwdriver from personal stationery drawer and puts it back in underwear drawer lest I forget where it’s sposed to be* Kidding! I can’t put it with the tools; they “grow feet” there, and I don’t have even 1 suitably long, narrow butter knife! Otherwise, I’m an organizer, too, because a) I love order, and b) I can’t stand looking for anything! Guess whose husband is a polar opposite….

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    • That’s exactly why I like order too! Few things annoy me more than wasting time looking for something I need and know very well I have, I just can’t find it. “A place for everything and everything in its place” basically solves that issue. And it’s funny how many people are in the same boat as we are: one spouse very organized and neat and the other…not so much!

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  16. Ann I can so relate to this! I am very organized (my coworker would joke – you don’t have OCD you have CDO)! And Sparky is very much a maker of messy piles and jumbled desk tops. At least after 40 years of marriage he has learned to put the milk, butter and various staples in their assigned spots in the refrigerator!

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    • That’s a helpful thing, since you both need to find the staples! So many couples seem to be a match of polar opposites when it comes to being organized, but it seems we’ve all found a way to make it work. Which is a very good thing for our marriages!

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    • I do think that cleaning and organizing comes more naturally to some people than others. My guess is part of it is how we are born and the other part is how we were raised, or influenced, in our early years. Whether we’re messy or neat, I think the trick is just to find a way to live with it, and each other…especially if our partner is the opposite!

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  19. Yep, same here. I am not quite as fastidious as you, but I do like order. We haven’t shared a bathroom or a closet in years, and unless it becomes a complete necessity, it shall remain. I do subtly poke him with an occasional ‘I’m so glad you are good at so many things’, as I pick up the mess he left behind. Sometimes he takes the hint. I’m sure he’d have a lot to share about me also. Balance is good.

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    • We do share a bathroom, but it has double sinks so we store our stuff separately. That helps, a lot! And yes, I’ve given my husband those subtle hints now and then too, but they don’t seem to make much difference. Mostly, I’ve just learned to let him do things his way and appreciate that he also lets me do things my way. Thanks for the comment!!

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  21. I love your conclusion at the end of this post! People need to feel relaxed and ‘at home’ in their homes. I think everyone has their own way of ordering things and as long as they know where everything is, that is a good thing. Different family members do things differently and that is okay too, as long as everyone respects each other. When my children were young, I remember reading that kids might do chores very differently than you yourself would. You should resist the urge to be overly critical or insist that they do it only ‘your’ way. You are trying to create habits that will last a lifetime and you want to be supportive to that end. It was very good advice and I discovered that the kids ‘shortcuts’ were actually pretty good. 🙂

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    • I remember reading something about that, too, and I also tried very hard to let my kids do their chores in their own way. I wasn’t as good when it came to homework, and neither was my husband. It seemed to both of us that our then high school-aged daughter wasn’t studying enough, but I remember one argument when my husband just flat-out told her that her study methods weren’t good enough. And she answered, “my 4.0 GPA says they are.” That silenced us both……

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      • 🙂 🙂 🙂 That would be enough to silence anybody! Your love and concern for her showed through…like all good parents, you just wanted to help. We do learn so much from our children! To this day, I learn things from our kids all the time…

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    • You are the first one in the comment section who has said they are on the “same page” as their spouse! That’s a good thing, but it does seem to be rare. My husband and I have the same values and goals, but very different ways of organizing our own things. But we make it work, and I’m just glad we agree on the important stuff. And thanks for your kind comment!

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  25. Loved this Ann! How boring life would be if we were all the same. Doug and I are similar to you and your hubby, in that I’m the tidy and organised one whilst he’s Mr Haphazard! I loath clutter and being surrounded by mess. But it works, we work and somehow we complement each other. And actually, he’s been a lot tidier since we’ve been on the road which is interesting. Perhaps it’s because our space is smaller. 😊

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    • Differences do keep life interesting, don’t they? My husband has gotten a little bit better over the years, especially in areas that affect us both. I figure how he keeps his closet and dressers is his business, and we just compromise on the rest. Like you and Doug, we make it work! And my guess is, if we had to live in a smaller space, my husband would probably also be better organized. Sometimes, “needs must!”

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    • Oh, yes it’s just up the street from your son’s house and it’s gorgeous! Sadly, they’re already starting to fade away, but they’ll likely be replaced with something equally nice by the time you come. The people who live there are wonderful gardeners!

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  27. I read, I laugh, I love this post. We are different and yet we see similarities here and there. I have observed that certain things flow through generations. In my family the men( four generations) folded their t-shirts exactly in the same manner. The first time I was surprised when I saw grand father of my husband folding his day time t-shirt and keeping it next to his bed. Then in later years I saw my father in law, my husband and even my son doing it in similar way.

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    • Isn’t it funny how those things are passed down? I’m never sure if it’s a “nature or nurture” thing, but those little traits and ways of doing things can certainly be seen in families. And thanks for letting me know how much you enjoyed the post!

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  28. I don’t know, Ann, I still dream of the old days when my home was as neat as a pin with floors gleaming from either a sweeping, vacuuming or mopping – done on a daily basis. And that was when the kids were babies. I sure had loads of energy back then. I haven’t been able to enjoy that for some years now. Like yours, my husband too sits comfortably and undisturbed at the extreme far end of the neatness spectrum, so no help there. Mine’s also a talented cook and I must say he’s better than I am at cooking. But ohhhhhhhh, the kitchen when he’s done cooking…….Of late, longing for minimal stuff and orderliness, I’ve taken to browsing Pinterest for comfort. I have a happy home and I will always be grateful to God for what He has blessed us with but since I can no longer have a super neat home, for now, Pinterest is good enough.

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    • I tried very hard to keep my house neat and clean when the kids were little, because otherwise it was utter chaos! And then, when they got a bit older, it was harder for me as well. We do lose energy as we age, and the kids get busier and more active, and there simply isn’t time! But once we hit the “empty nest” stage, then it was easier again. But if I had to make the choice….I think I’d rather have the kids back! As you say, a happy home is the ultimate goal. And pinterest is a nice way to cope in the meantime!

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      • You’ve made your point beautifully (as always). There will indeed come a point when I will look back on these days and long for them. Susan Branch has a quote in her latest post that says that when a moment is gone, it’s gone forever. Hence, in order to not lose my gratitude and thankfulness for a beautiful home and life that’s not as neat and as orderly as I wish because precious people bring their precious clutter into it, I will help myself cope by being thankful for all God has blessed me with… and on days when it’s a little tough, Pinterest will always be there😁😁

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  29. Oh, I like your idea of alphabetizing your spices. It makes sense to me. Then, there’s no wasted time in looking for them. I love the last line of your post! What matters most is creating a home where those who enter are loved and accepted unconditionally. Thank you for posting, Ann. 🙂

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  32. I enjoyed this post, Ann. My husband is on par with yours when it comes to being organized and orderly. The screwdriver in the underwear drawer wouldn’t surprise me at all. That said, I’m only slightly better. But one of us has to be orderly, right?! Otherwise, it would be chaos, And I smiled at your final message of love.

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  34. 😳

    Do you pack like this, too?

    I’m more like your hubby, and you’d probably be mortified if you saw any of my dwelling spaces. I’ve gotten better with keeping the car less cluttered, but it used to be a sight to see.

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    • Nah, I wouldn’t be mortified! How other people live doesn’t bother me at all, as long as I can keep my living quarters just the way I like them (which I mostly do, but not totally because I have to compromise with my hubby on shared living spaces.) As for packing, I mostly just try to get it all in a suitcase without wrinkling everything. It’s not until I’ve reached my destination that I go into organization mode: placing everything exactly where I believe it should go!

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  35. This made me smile. In some ways I’m organized and other ways not so much. My husband is probably better at that than me, partly because of his military training. But when it comes to how to hang hand towels, I am the queen and he…well, let’s just say that he never had understood the value of a nicely hung hand towel. I guess I can’t have it all. 🙂

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    • I completely understand the towel issue! My husband lets me hang our towels, but when he tries to help with the laundry, I end up refolding all of our linens. Unless they’re folded a certain way, they don’t fit in our linen closet. I’ve given up on trying to explain this to him, and just accept that he means well!

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  36. I really do admire you for being so organised in so many ways and with so many things. I am very impressed. I used to be very particular, especially with books and clothes. I’m partly organised with my clothes now, having winter and summer clothes separately in order of colour and type. With my books, I used to have them all in order of topic and, once upon a time, alphabetically, too. I have so many in different places now I’ve got rather slack with them. Much the same with herbs and spices. They were once in alphabetical order, but now they tend to be ‘in order’ of which ones I use the most.

    I have to confess that I’ve never read any Agatha Christie books or stories about Poirot. I’ve always been someone who avoids suspense. I never watch Sherlock Holmes for the same reason! As for suspense films on TV or in the cinema, there is just no way I could watch them. Coward or what!?

    I’m glad that you and your husband can agree to be different from each other and that he doesn’t mind you taking charge of the things that bother you the most.

    Sorry I’m so late responding to this post. I’ve been somewhat preoccupied with trying to get our hopeless government to take some action against the climate emergency – no luck yet, though. I despair of our current government!

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    • No worries, I had read in our blog about your trip to London to join in the demonstrations to address climate change! And there’s nothing cowardly about not liking suspense in novels. I don’t mind suspense, but I don’t read violent books or watch violent movies for the simple reason that I don’t enjoy watching violence. Suspense doesn’t bother me if it’s well written, but what I really like about mystery novels is that the characters are usually believable and there is a clear plot. It appeals to my sense of order, I guess…LOL!

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