A Grand Surprise

/ Ann Coleman

I have to be honest:  I didn’t see this coming.  In the first place, I never gave much thought to what my life would be like when I became, shall we say, “a woman of a certain age.”  Like most young people, I secretly believed aging was something that happened only to other people, but that I would maintain my youthful vigor right up to the day I died.  (Even if I lived to be 100.)

Yet slowly but surely, my body began to succumb to the ravages of time.  I still remember the morning I woke up and found I couldn’t read the newspaper because the print was suddenly fuzzy.  I blinked repeatedly and even put in eye drops, but nothing helped.  It took the better part of the day before I realized the time had come for reading glasses.  And the first time I noticed that my neckline was both sagging and full of wrinkles, I almost threw away my make-up mirror.  The only thing that stopped me was the knowledge that I couldn’t safely apply my mascara without it.

But what really surprises me about reaching the ripe old age of 64 is the change in my behavior. And this change can’t be blamed solely on my age.  I know for a fact that there are precisely three reasons why I am now doing and saying things I never thought I’d say or do, and those reasons are my three grandchildren.

To be honest, I didn’t give becoming a grandparent any more thought than I gave any other aspect of aging.  When I first heard that my daughter was going to have a baby, I was thrilled, but I didn’t really believe that becoming a grandparent would change me very much.  And yet it did.

From the first time I laid eyes on my new grandson, I was smitten. That’s only natural.  But the problem was that overnight, I turned into the typical obnoxious new grandparent.  I had tons of photos of my grandson, and I shared them with everyone who crossed my path.  How could they not want to see the most adorable child in the history of the world?

So imagine my surprise when grandchild number two came along.  Not only was she equally adorable, but she was my first granddaughter!  That had to be shared as well.  And not just by photos.  By the time I became a grandparent to two adorable children, I was also sending friends, family, and old schoolmates videos of them.  Regularly and relentlessly.

By the time the third grandchild was born (another boy), I was a hopeless case.  I talk about my grandchildren, I write about my grandchildren, I share photos and videos of my grandchildren with all and sundry, etc.  In short, I’m a typical grandparent who is hopelessly in love with the three little people who gave her that title.  And yes, it’s a sign of my age. But unlike those others, it’s a sign I happily embrace…..

96 thoughts on “A Grand Surprise”

  2. No harm in being “one of those people” Ann. We should be proud of our children and grandchildren at any age. I am almost 70 and still no grand children (fingers crossed), but I do have the fur grans. Enjoy the littles and enjoy every wrinkle. Lord knows, we have earned each and every one and that is why God chooses to give us failing eyesight as we mature, so we don’t look too close, but keep our gaze further down the road. Happy Sunday Ann. Allan

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    • Yes, I’ve often thought that our failing eyesight and our wrinkles are a good combination! (Yet another reason to dispose of the make-up mirror.) I hope you do get grandchildren one day, but meanwhile, enjoy the furry ones! They are also adorable and quite fun to be around. Take care, Allan!

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  3. I never thought I’d be one of those grandparents. And yet here I am. I even thought I could live happily seeing them only once or twice a year, as my parents did. What was I thinking?

    We just welcomed # 4, our first granddaughter, a couple of months ago. We have met her only once; we live four hours away. It’s excruciating. And she’s smiling! I may have to go back sooner than planned.

    Two more—twins!— expected here in August. Stepping up my workouts. 😂

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    • I know! How could we know how easy it is to become one of those obsessed grandparents? I think it is something you have to experience to understand. (True of so many things, when you think about it….) Congrats on your first granddaughter and I do hope you get to see her again soon. Congrats again onto twins coming!! I hope they are close enough that you get to spend a lot of time with them, and I have a feeling that your helping hands will be very welcome!!

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  4. I know what you mean! I don’t remember when print first became fuzzy, but do recall a conversation with someone who did not have children -when I had only recently given birth to one; I remember it because I could still think the way that person was and could see how annoying and boring it was to talk incessantly about my new offspring. 😀

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  5. Awww. They say something kind of snaps in you when you become a grandparent. I remember Dwight’s mother proclaimed she loved my husband and me after I gave birth to her first grandchild. It was the first time she’d ever said those words out loud to either of us 😳

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    • Wow, that is a big change! And it would give pause, since of course you’re wondering, “do you only love us because we gave you a grandchild?” My guess is that isn’t what she meant, but it’s yet another reason to tell the people you love how you feel on a regular basis. And yeah, something does snap when you have grandkids. Based on my experience, you sort of lose all sense of proportion, and also acquire the ability to mistake politeness for intense interest. You know, “But they really WANT to see twenty photos of my new grand baby!”

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      • LOL I’m sure they really do want to see all of your grandchildren’s photos, Ann. Keep showing them 😉

        And yes…that was 24 years ago, and it’s taken me some time to understand, that she probably had some other thoughts going on at the time that she didn’t know how to express.

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        • As someone who regularly blurts out inappropriate words, I’m hoping that is what she meant. And yeah, I agree: they really DO want to see photos of my grandkids! (Yet another reason I like you so much……)

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    • Thank you! And you bring up a good point. The perspective of our age really does help. I’m much more patient with my grandkids than I was with my own children when they were young. The past few decades have taught me a thing or two about what is important and what isn’t.

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  8. There are special perks that come with being a grandparent. Pictures of course, but also cookies for breakfast, telling stories about their parents as kids, and just watching the creation of amazing people as they grow and find themselves. Enjoy your tribe Ann!

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  9. We do not have children…but I love to see the enthusiasm of friends when they show me pictures of the grandchidren and tell me of their doings….elderly faces light up!

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    • It is a gift, in that it reminds us of the years when our own children were little. And it’s actually nicer, because we don’t have the overwhelming responsibility for a new little life, usually coupled with still trying to launch our own careers, etc. I think that’s part of the reason we’re so interested: it’s sort of a do-over. Thanks for your sweet comment!

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  11. refreshing to hear you own it is an obsession … not having children I often bemoan losing my friends to grandparenthood 😦

    Even professional friends who weren’t clucky with their own children or young grandies, as those kids become more interactive that smitten grandparent syndrome arises. Then I’m rapidly forgotten as grandies become their, understandably, one and only priority. It’s a disease most delight in so enjoy 🙂

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    • It really is an obsession, so there’s no point in calling it anything else. I would say an understandable one, because the children of our children are extra special, and also we get to have a bit of a “do over” in how we raised our own kids. With age comes perspective, so it’s easier now to be patient and not to worry about all the little things that really don’t matter (even though we didn’t see that when we were young parents.).
      That being said, you’re absolutely right that it’s foolish to make our grandkids the whole focus of our lives! They do grow up and move on, just as our own children do. So I try to make them a priority while they’re young and need me, but I also keep up my own interests and my other friendships as well. It’s so important to live our lives in a well-rounded way, I think! (Even if I do share photos of my grands a tad more than I should…LOL!)

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      • lol everyone does Ann, so you are not alone in that! My father said “that if he’d known grandparenting was so good he would have done away with the first part”. He felt it was all care and far less responsibility!

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  12. That’s one of those signs of aging that’s completely worth it. Pretty much everyone goes through it, and we don’t really mind when it happens to our friends, whether we have grandbabies or not!
    So much gratitude on this post!

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  13. I laughed at CalmKate’s comment about losing friends to their grandchildren. A couple of my very good friends became so obsessed with their grandkids’ lives that they had to attend every school event, every concert, every party — and then there were the weekend family dinners and the babysitting. They sure did have cute grandkids, but it wasn’t long before they simply weren’t available for ‘friend things’ any more — not even cups of coffee.

    So, yes: doting over the grandkids is great, and being involved in their lives is important, but like anything else, it can become a little much. As another friend with grandkids once remarked, she’s going to try to avoid being sucked into the “Grammie vortex,” because the day will come when the kids will move, or the grandkids will grow up!

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    • I think being a grandparent, like most everything else in life, is a matter of balance. I absolutely make my grandkids a priority when they are sick and need care, or when they want to come to “Grandma’s house.” And I truly enjoy their company and miss them when I go more than a week without seeing them. But I don’t try to be involved in every aspect of their lives, as that’s for their parents, not me and my husband. And I really don’t let them interfere with my other friendships, or obligations (caring for my mom.) Because the truth is, as you say, that they will grow up and move on, and I’ll still (hopefully) be here…..Plus, I value my good friends and don’t want to give them up! Balance really is the key, I think.

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      • Absolutely, balance is key. I certainly was influenced by my own grandparents, and treasured my time with them. Of course, there were routines in our lives, too: visiting with them nearly every Sunday, and my own summer visits to their house. If it weren’t for my grandmother, I never would have learned how to make a good pie crust, or to embroider. To be honest, I wish more kids today could have the kid of relationship with their grandparents that I did, and that you clearly offer to your own grands.

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      • There’s something else I just thought of, and that probably shaped my response. People like me, who have no family at all — no siblings, parents, children, or grandchildren — have to create families for ourselves, and friends are a large part of our ‘families.’ Losing a good friend for any reason — a move, death, a decision by the friend to change focus — can be difficult, and it certainly can require a lot of adjustment!

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        • That is so true! Families aren’t always biological. (I have biological relatives I’m not close with, I’m just lucky to be close to my kids and grandkids.) Families are those we love and share our lives with…and losing one of those people is huge loss, whether they’re actually related or not. They are also a huge gift to us while they are in our lives!

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  14. Ann, you have three beautiful, adorable and cuddly angels and you have every right to go on and on about them. Your post had me thinking: I don’t hear parents in my area talk much about their children/granchildren. Even if they do, it’s far less in the joy you exude. I think it’s because many are forgetting to enjoy their little ones and to treasure this time with them.

    So, you can bet how thrilled I am each time you write about family. And I loved💚🩷💜 the photo – it must have been one of the few times they were still😁😁

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    • My daughter took that photo at our last family gathering last week. It is so hard to get all three of them still for a photo! And thank you for your kind words. My grandchildren really do give me great joy and I feel so blessed when I’m around them. I’m sure I sometimes bore my friends with their photos, but they’re good friends so they don’t say so. I also make sure I keep up with my other relationships and obligations (Mom, for instance), but the truth is, I know their childhoods will fly by and so I want to savor these moments together as much as I can! Thanks so much for understanding that…you are very intuitive! I think that is one of the things that first drew me to your blog, and I know it’s why I value you so much as a blogging friend.

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  15. I think it’s lovely that you’re besotted with your grandchildren, Ann. And they should be central to your conversation. That doesn’t make you old. It makes you interesting. It’s when we start talking incessantly about our aches and pains, our surgeries, and our bowel movements, that we qualify as old. Let’s all hold off on those “organ recitals” as long as we can!

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    • Oh, Donna, you really nailed that one! As we age and our bodies start to break down, it gets so easy to focus on the pains and aches and to talk about it far too much. You’re right, it’s better to talk about what gives us joy, even if that is our grandchildren. As long as we’re sharing what makes us happy, it’s all good!

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  16. I didn’t plan on being an oldER woman — like you, it happens to OTHERS! But I remember some oldER peach-fuzz cheeks of some older women who loved me, and um.. we’re gonna be okay, too. 😊 Your grands are adorable. Seriously.

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    • Isn’t if funny how none of us thought old age would happen to us? I see that in my own kids, when I tell them to take better care of themselves, because that will help so much in their old age. They just roll their eyes, as I did once too… But as you say, we’ll all be okay! It’s just the way life goes. And thanks for your sweet compliment on my grand kids!!

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  18. Well, Ann – I laughed with your aging descriptions and completely related. The wrinkle keep popping up in new places. It’s enough already!
    I don’t have any grandchildren and hope to someday. Let’s just say that you are giving me so much to look forward to!

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    • I was seriously horrified when I first saw the change in my neck! Now I’m (mostly) used to it. (And not horrified enough to have it surgically corrected…I fear medical procedures more than I do wrinkles and sags.) I do hope you get grandkids one day, because I know you will enjoy it so much!

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  19. Ann, I’m a little jealous! I’m a year older and my sons are 34 & 35 – no grandchildren – not even a twinkle in their eye! For me it is living vicariously through the joys that others experience! Bring on the photos and the videos and all the stories of cuteness!!

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    • Thanks, Val! I’m the same way with other people’s vacation pictures. I actually like to see them, especially if they’re from somewhere I’ve never been. And there’s still hope for grandchildren….I have a good friend whose son married at 37 and had his first child at 39!

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  21. I think your post is universal for most of us. I still can’t believe I am experiencing “old age” problems. I not only lost my reading vision but also my long distance and that’s just the start of things. I finally have my first grandchild who lives across the country. Thank goodness, I get photos and videos every day. And of course, he is the cutest baby. 🙂

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    • Our grandchildren are always the cutest, aren’t they? I’m sorry yours is not close by, but hope you will get to see him as often as possible. And yes, none of us are ready for the “old age” issues that we face! It’s not in the least bit fair….

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  22. As cute as those three grandchildren of yours are, it’s no wonder you’re smitten with them, Ann! I can’t really relate though, having no “grands” of my own. And sadly, too many folks wrap their entire lives around the grands, to the exclusion of everything — and everybody — else that used to matter to them. Those are the ones I feel sorry for!

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    • Yes, as much as we enjoy our grandchildren, it’s a big mistake to try to make them our whole lives. (Personally, I think that’s a mistake with our actual children, too!) It’s important to keep doing the things we enjoy and to stay in the relationships we find meaningful. Balance is everything, I believe. We can make our grandkids a priority without making them our sole interest!

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  26. I have often wished wistfully that I could go back in time (just for a few weeks) and have my little sons again. Now I feel that I’ve been given the best do-over that is realistic—taking care of my grandsons for a couple of hours a day. I can’t go back and undo the mistakes I made (either by commision or omission) in raising Brendan and Ryan, but I have a chance to be better than I was with Caelan and Rowan.

    >

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    • I know exactly what you mean, Dena! I’d love a do over with my own kids too. I worried so much about stuff that just doesn’t matter at all, but I was too young and inexperienced to realize that. The good thing about grandkids is that we sort of get the chance to do that. It really is a gift!

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    • Thanks, Meg! They really do. It’s not that I think only of my grandchildren, because I certainly keep up my other friendships and obligations. It’s just that they really are a priority, especially while they’re little enough to need my help and to want to spend time with me. I really treasure these years!

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  29. So heartwarming. Your grandchildren are so precious Ann. Why wouldn’t you be proud? I haven’t got grandkids yet, only the four legged furry kind, but one day I’m sure even those small joys will be quadrupled! As for the grey hairs and extra lines I put it down to character! Enjoy it all Ann, especially those adorable munchkins. 💗💜

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    • Thanks so much, Miriam! I really like the way you think…you are so good at accepting life the way it is and that’s a gift. I am proud and I do love spending time with them. I truly hope you are able to experience this too someday, because I know you’ll make a terrific grandmother!

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  32. I could so identify with everything you have written here, Ann. I’m a year older than you, so I am very familiar with the shock of finding flabby bits and wrinkles. I’ve also been needing reading glasses for about five years now. I don’t like those aged parts of me, but, like you, I get so absorbed in being a grandparent those signs don’t seem to matter quite so much now. Your three grandchildren are adorable – what a gorgeous photo. You have every right to be proud and to want to show them off to anyone who will look/listen. I have four grandchildren now with no more on the horizon. I’m happy with my four. I see very little of my girls, 16 and 14, as they live further away. I do see my son’s children, my granddaughter, who’s ten and my only grandson, who is eight. I adore them and see quite a bit of them now. I have photos of them all on my living room wall and show them off to my friends and interested visitors. I feel very blessed to have them in my life. My son and the children are staying overnight this Thursday through Friday. I’m so looking forward to seeing them all again.

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    • How fun to have four! I’m glad that you get to see at least two of them on a regular basis, because that’s so special. It’s harder when they don’t live close by, but I’m sure the visits are still wonderful when they do happen. I honestly think it’s hard to understand what it means to be a grandparent until it happens to you. I know I had no clue! Thanks for the comment, and enjoy your grandchildren this Thursday night!

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  33. That was a great Post Ann. I will never be a grandparent but I have become a great-aunt. But for some reason I don’t connect age with any of it. Our family believes that you are only as old as you let yourself feel. Granted I’m still 3 years away from reaching my sixties but my body at times feels older then I am. My sister is 65 and the grandparent. And despite her physical challenges she’s happy to be a grandmamma too.

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    • Being a great aunt is pretty awesome too! And your family has a great attitude on aging. I think I’m just feeling my age a bit more than usual these days because my arthritis is getting worse. It will ease off, it always does….but when my joints are stiff I do feel kind of old!

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      • I can understand that. I deal with a lot of muscle tightness and pain in my shoulders and neck. Not to mention the torn discs in my low back. I think it’s just because we as women are extra hard on our bodies. My prayers go out to you Ann.

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  38. Grandparenting is pretty awesome, Ann. I can relate to what a huge shift it is in our identities. All of a sudden, I went from “hanging onto youth” to “the wise woman granny and caretaker of the future.” In my grandkids, I had a taste of immortality and it was sweet. Enjoy!

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  39. You have adorable grandchildren!!! I agree with you. Being a grandparent is an awesome and wonderful thing. Our lives come full-circle…seeing our children become parents is one of life’s great treasures. Suddenly, there are more people to love…each one is unique and special in their own way.

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    • Yes, that’s exactly it Linda! We get to see our family expand, and to discover more people to love. And grandparent love is different from parent love….not necessarily better, but different in a good way. I honestly feel so blessed to have reached this stage in life!

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