It’s a Mystery

When our children grew up and moved out of our house, my husband and I officially became “empty-nesters.”  I remember having mixed feelings about it, both proud of the adults my son and daughter had grown into, yet also feeling the loss of the children they had been.  But for the first time in years, I had empty closets, dresser drawers, and even empty storage containers on our basement shelves.  It was a strange and wonderful thing.

I remember standing in my son’s old bedroom in front of an empty dresser and wondering, “What am I going to put in it?”  Usually my problem was finding a place to store our stuff, not finding stuff to fill our storage space.  Eventually, I put my collection of antique post cards, our heating pad and extra throw blankets in that dresser, deliberately leaving one drawer empty so houseguests could use it to unpack and settle in properly.

That was approximately ten years ago, and sadly, finding stuff to put in empty storage space in our house is no longer a problem.  Somehow or other, we’ve filled every one of those closets, storage bins, and dressers.  The house that used to comfortably hold a family of four is now full to bursting, even though there are just two of us living there now.  And I have absolutely no idea how that happened.

I’m not a person who shops a lot, or who is comfortable having a lot of stuff.  I cull my wardrobe regularly, and make frequent trips to local donation centers with bags full of clothes and household items.   With the exception of my photo albums and my books, I’m not, and never have been, a “saver.”  If anything, my motto is “less is more.”  So how did I end up with a full house?

I can blame some of it on the grandchildren.  My grandmother kept a bedroom in her small bungalow reserved for grandchildren, and it always made me feel so welcome.  I wanted that for my own grandkids, so they have a dedicated room in our house, complete with toys, books, and a crib.  I also acquired a few things when my mom moved to a retirement community, which explains the large drum table wedged into our third bedroom.  My husband sometimes complains about it, but I grew up with that table and can’t seem to let it go.

Still, that doesn’t account for the overflowing storage shelves, the packed-to-capacity closets, the boxes underneath the pool table in the basement family room, etc.  We do a big clear out every couple of years, congratulating ourselves on successfully downsizing our stuff, but it’s always just a matter of time before those closets and shelves fill right back up.  I don’t understand it and I don’t like it, but it still happens.

I guess I just need to accept that this is one of life’s mysteries, like how we can put two matching socks in the washing machine and only one sock comes back out.  Or how we can diet for two weeks and lose one pound, but eat one piece of cheesecake and gain three.  Maybe some things just weren’t meant for us to know….

86 thoughts on “It’s a Mystery

  1. Ahhhh… the strange ways of the universe! I often think there is an alternate universe of one legged creatures that steal one sock out of the washing machine wormhole. Maybe there is also the super empty universe that sends all their “stuff” to fill our empty spaces in our houses. I am sure someone will find a high tech solution to this issue leaving us no choices on how we will deal with it.😂

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  2. It is a mystery, Ann! Perhaps our space just accommodates our stuff. The more space we have, the more stuff we have. Or stuff just grows while we sleep. I need to tackle my closet and make a trip to Goodwill. You may be an empty-nester, but your nest is not empty of stuff. Same here! Have a good week.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, it’s just empty of my son and daughter and (most) of their stuff. Our stuff seems to be multiplying on its own….that’s all I can figure out. Hope you have a good weekend too!

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  3. The stuff is like bunnies Ann- quietly reproducing while you are unaware! I love that you have a dedicated grandkid room. My place is too small, but the girls definitely have their toy and art bins stored away here. Could this be a sign suggesting a smaller home is needed?

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    • Yes, I’m open to downsizing, especially our yard. I think we really do just grow our stuff to fill whatever space we happen to occupy. When my son and daughter moved out, I never would have believed that the empty space they left behind would be filled!

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  4. Your mention of socks in the laundry reminded me of a song my friend wrote, which begins…
    “Where do all the teaspoons go?
    And the other odd socks?
    Do they dance with the Tupperware lids?
    Which one’s Ant and which one’s Dec?
    Is MySpace still ‘a thing’?
    Who thought Ja Ja Binks was a good idea?”

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  5. I used to be a collector of everything. From baseball cards to antique quilts and even vintage soda machines. As time, divorce and getting older all happened to me, I began practicing a more minimalistic sense of being. I cut loose with most everything I had collected over the years and yet, I still have more stuff than I want to have. I don’t get it Ann.

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    • That’s my problem too! I feel as if I’m always, intentionally, culling my possessions…and I never had that many to begin with. But yet, I have a full house! What’s up with that? If you figure it out, please let me know!

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  6. What a great post Ann. I remember how easy it was to accumulate stuff, so different to how we’re living now. But somehow It sounds to me as though your house is not just full of stuff but a lot of LOVE. Enjoy!

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  7. I could not have said it better Ann. The same thing is happening here. Its as if, when the kids move out, we pull stuff around us to comfort us. Our kids are now in their 30s and we still have most of their toys in our home, thinking we will some day get grandchildren. We still have Hallowe’en costumes that will no longer fit anyone and I still have a lot of my office clothes, even though I no longer have an office to go to. We need Marie Kondo. We are about to have to sort out an elderly parent’s home full of treasures that nobody wants. I hope it gives us incentive to not make our kids have to go through the same exercise. Hope all is well Ann. Allan

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    • When we cleaned out my mom’s home in preparation for her to move to a much smaller apartment in the retirement complex, we were dismayed at how much stuff she had kept through the years. Some of it was important family memorabilia, but a whole lot of it was just junk. So we vowed to start cleaning out our own house and got a fairly good start on it. Then my husband got his cancer diagnosis, and those good intentions were derailed a bit. But now is the time to get back to it. Because we really don’t want to saddle our kids with the overwhelming chore of going through our stuff when we’re gone…. but at the rate it keeps piling back up, who knows?
      And as for those toys you’re keeping, I say hang on to them. If you do get grandchildren, you’ll be glad to have them! Take care, Allan!

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    • Isn’t it weird how stuff just seems to appear in our houses? Honestly, I really don’t shop very much. I think it’s fine to hang on to old family stuff that we treasure, but whenever I clear out a closet or drawer, I always find myself thinking, “why in the world didn’t I get rid of this years ago?”

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    • It’s very hard. Maybe accumulating things is in our very nature, left over from the days when prehistoric humans had to work so hard to survive. But in our modern world of lots of cheap goods, readily available, the tendency to accumulate isn’t a good thing anymore!

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  8. My kids left their rooms full of stuff when they went off to college. One is in post grad and still living in small housing, so I’m still looking forward to that extra space!
    😆🐧😆

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    • Yes, we didn’t get empty space when ours went off to college either. Quite the opposite, they seemed to come home from college with even more stuff we had to try to find a place for. But when they graduated college and got their own place to live, then they finally took most of it with them. And when they got their first houses, I shifted the rest of it from our basement to theirs……

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  9. Ah yes! The ever expanding “stuff” – you know the universe is always expanding which is why our stuff puffs up to fill the available space! I’m hoping that I will be able to clear out some old and never used items from the basement soon. Sparky likes to hold onto broken things – just because maybe someday he will be able to fix them or have someone else do the repair! Currently 3 vacuum cleaners and 3 chairs and a table awaiting repair… I think a trip to the dump is coming!!

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    • I think the universe may well be at fault…they do say “nature abhors a vacuum!” And Sparky sounds a lot like my husband. He has a hard time getting rid of stuff on his own, but he will if I push him a bit. I think some people were just born to be “savers!”

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  10. Such a wonderful post, Ann. You hit upon so many familiar thoughts that I have had. My father was a hoarder. Growing up with that, I have vowed to be ruthless with eliminating clutter. I do not have a lot of space where I am, but I have a hard time getting rid of anything sentimental. After my parents died I ended up with a lot of their old photos. Several boxes fill up my closet.

    What you described after your children moved out, reminded me of feelings I’ve had after moving. It’s really fun when you have open closets and drawers to fill up! Everyone should move, in order to cull and organize their belongings!

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    • I would suppose that living in a hoarding situation would teach people not to save, but I’ve heard that doesn’t always happen. I’m beginning to think that hoarding, or simply having a hard time getting rid of things, is something some people are born with. But who knows? And I agree with your thought about moving. When you have to actually box stuff up and pay someone to move it to your new house, it’s much easier to get rid of things!

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  11. The sock thing may be life’s greatest mystery! Meanwhile, All of us have stuff for various reasons, and as you mentioned, we need to have those occasions for clearing out. We took an extreme approach by moving. Pitching as we planned. Pitched as we packed. Pitching as we unpacked. However, even with limited space, we have moments of purging.

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    • That was a very smart way to handle it! I’d actually like to move, even knowing how much I’d miss this house, because our yard is bigger than we want or need and I’d prefer the main bedroom to be on the ground floor. Sadly, there aren’t any good houses available in our area and we want to stay in this area because we’re near our grandchildren. But one way or another, we’ll make it work!

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  12. My husband is a serial purchaser. Where I would buy one tee shirt he will find a shop with offers and buy ten, reciting the mantra ‘they will come in handy’…..
    Consequently we have tee shirts bought in France some twenty years ago which are still ‘coming in handy’ – or they are said to be once I put them in the working rags pile from which he proudly extracts them…
    This house is awash with clothes…a suitcase full of trousers he will never wear again….another of pullovers which have not seen the light of day since we moved to Costa Rica fourteen years ago…..but I must remember not to throw them out as …you’ve guessed it ‘they will come in handy’!

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    • Oh, wow, that must take a whole lot of patience on your part! But I really do think that some people are just natural savers. My husband used to shop a lot too, but thankfully, has gotten better about that as the years go by. He believed that if something was on sale, it was a good idea to buy it, whether you needed it or not. And stores always have sales, so…… He accumulated a lot of clothes!

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  13. Life seems to be a never ending purge, doesn’t it? After cleaning out my in-law’s home of 65 years, we vowed to never do the same to our children. Let’s just say it’s a work in progress!

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    • We had the same experience after cleaning our my mom’s house and helping clean out my husband’s parents’ house. We were determined not to do that to our kids. But that determination didn’t last as long as we needed it to…. We’re also a work in progress!

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  14. You certainly are not alone! Just like you, we are continually donating clothes and household items. I still have boxes of my mother’s things that I have not gone through. She saved everything. Our attic is still full of many things that we ‘saved’ for each of our four children. We also have toys and strollers and a high chair for the grandchildren. It is amazing how the ‘stuff’ adds up. I am impossible when it comes to books and then I have saved my journals. Perhaps, on a bright note, we should look at the fact that we have lived very ‘full’ lives. My grandchildren love for me to read to them…thankfully, I have plenty of children’s books, and I keep buying more!!!

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    • Like you, I can’t resist buying a good book. And it is hard to get rid of things that we truly believe may come in handy some day, especially for our children and grandchildren. (I do have one bin filled with keepsakes I couldn’t part with for each of my son and daughter. ) But no matter how much stuff I donate, our shelves just seem to fill up again! I like the way you think though…maybe it is just a sign of a full life!!

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  15. This one gave me a much-needed giggle, Ann! You know, I hate to suggest it, but I’ve found that moving usually is a great way of getting rid of “stuff.” Every thing you pick up, you have to ask yourself, Do I really need/want this? On the other hand, the minute you throw something out, you’ll kick yourself because you’ll need it again!

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    • Yes, moving is a great way! In the early years of our marriage, we moved several times, and that helped us get rid of things. But we’ve been in our current house since 1995, and I think that is part of the problem for sure. I’d actually like to move, but we haven’t found much available in our area, and nothing that we’d really want to buy. I’m going to keep looking, though…and hopefully the perfect house will come up soon!

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  16. We partially solved the ‘stuff’ issue by… buying our second house (where we spend the winter)! We told our kids that when the time came that they had to deal with all our stuff, they should just take what they want and then hire one of the ‘estate sale’ companies that have sprung up to do that sort of thing.

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    • I’d actually love to have a second house in a warmer climate, but that’s not in the cards for us at this time. I’m so glad it worked for you!! And yes, I’ve told my kids the same thing. Take what they want when we’re gone, and then just let an estate company have a big sale for the rest. Then donate what doesn’t sell. I don’t want them spending countless days sorting through our stuff….. Thanks!

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  17. Nice post as always, Ann! I think the collecting or gathering of things is a natural human tendency. 🙂 I often think to myself when I see something interesting, “I might need that later.” The way we move around, it’s a good think my husband is a minimalist (though he has his “things” he gathers). I love the idea of a grandkid’s room!!

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    • I agree that there is a part of our very nature that wants to acquire things. It probably stems from back when humans were just struggling to survive! And no one likes the thought of getting rid of something and then realizing that they need it later. The struggle is real!

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  18. I know what you mean. My house isn’t huge to start with, and after combining households with my then girlfriend/now wife things got much tighter. And we’ve had 20 years to add more…

    I guess I need to figure out where folks get rid of stuff. Surely it can’t all be dumpster or Goodwill?

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    • There’s a resale store called Savers by us that accepts just about anything, and so I’ve been taking a lot of things there. The last time I dropped off some stuff, they thanked me for my donation to the “Viet Nam Vets of America.” So I’m guessing that maybe they have so much they’re sharing? Maybe google where to donate household items in your area and see what comes up.

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  19. Since I had to move into just a bedroom at my sisters place in 2020 I managed to get rid of a lot of stuff. What I told myself and am teaching my adult niece is that material items are not as important as the peace of mind that comes with a clutter free home. My niece is getting there with decluttering her home too but I swear her clothes keep multiplying.

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    • Yes, downsizing is a very effective way to get rid of stuff! That’s what my mom did when she moved from a houses to a small apartment, and she kept only what she truly needed or valued. At first it was hard, but now she doesn’t miss her old stuff at all. I think you’re right about how soon we learn that material possessions don’t really matter as much as we think. And living clutter free is very calming!

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  20. A great post, Ann, and one I can see many people can relate to. I certainly can. Like you, when my children left home, I was left with two rooms partly still stuffed with many of their belongings. However, they gradually took what they wanted and left the rest for me to sort out. After a few years, both rooms were full of junk. They stayed like that for years and were good places to store bags or packs of cat food or multipacks of loo roll! They were also good places to dry the washing on airers in the winter.

    Finally, after many years, like you, I had grandchildren. My granddaughter wanted to come for sleepovers, so that room got emptied, and everything was heaped up in my son’s old room. And then, my son needed to come and stay with the children quite frequently. I then had to clear that room out, so they all had somewhere to sleep. My son, Tom, also needed garage space to store his ‘stuff’ following his relationship breakup. We decided to hire a skip, and we were absolutely ruthless about clearing everything out. I couldn’t believe how we could fill a medium-sized skip full to the top! Now, the garage is almost empty, and the two spare rooms have become bedrooms again. So, there is no way I could downsize; apart from which, I have been here for 43 years (showing my age here!) and have got very attached to my home.

    Now, all I have to do is find room to sort all my Mum’s things out. She left a houseful of possessions for us to dispose of or share among us four sisters. Oh, and find those wretched odd socks, and finish off that cheesecake! I know where the cheesecake goes, but as you say, the socks are one of life’s mysteries! X

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    • It sounds as if you have lots of experience with spaces in your house clearing out and then filling up again. And it’s amazing how we can use the exact same space for so many different things. My brother-in-law had four children, and when his kids grew up, they used one of the empty bedrooms as a walk-in pantry! I’ve stored more food ever since the Covid shortages, but I fill up a single cupboard with the extra, not a whole room.
      I know what you mean about being attached to your home. Part of me wants to move because our house isn’t laid out well for having the whole family over now that we’ve grown (lots of small rooms) and the yard is too big, but part of me also knows how much I’d miss it. We really can get attached to houses…..
      Take care, and good luck sorting our your mother’s things. That can be a daunting task. I’d recommend doing it in small doses, if possible.

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  21. Well, this isn’t my issue today, but I well remember the time when it was. Part of my issue was china collecting. Add in my mother still being alive, and it’s understandable, since she was one who insisted on keeping everything, and stuff from her place eventually overflowed into mind. Finally, a storage space was engaged, for a hefty $80 or so per month. After a year, I put my foot down, and pointed out that the nearly thousand dollars we’d spent on storage could probably replace everything being stored. At any rate, those days are gone, and I actually have a couple of empty drawers. I could let go of even more, and probably will in the coming years. As the saying goes, we can’t take it with us.

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    • You have a very healthy way of looking at things! I refuse to rent a storage locker, as if I can’t fit all my stuff in my house, then I have too much stuff and need to get rid of it. And I’ve reached the stage where empty drawers actually feels like a luxury……

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  22. Yes, one of life’s many mysteries. I have good intentions and visions of getting rid of many things, but the challenge is figuring out what to do with it other than adding to the landfill. My husband has no problem throwing anything in the trash, but I have a hard time with that.

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    • I try to donate or “rehome” as much as possible. My daughter also has few site she sells unwanted things on, but that takes more patience and time. And some things I can repurpose, which is always a good thing too! I only throw away things that are truly trash. I also hate the idea of it going into a landfill, but I figure that is where it’s going sooner or later. I think that’s why it’s a good idea to make as much as possible biodegradable.

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  23. We have initiated a plan where when we buy something, we try to donate something we already own. It is kind of a “warm-up” to eventual downsizing. It also feels good to repurpose something for someone else. Life does have its mysteries, doesn’t it? I worked out daily for a year, watched what I ate…and lost one pound. Those socks continue to disappear as well, but what really gets me is the heavy clothing that still manages to turn itself inside out. Magic!

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    • Yes, I’ve had that happen too! And sheets that emerge from the washing machine all knotted up. How does that happen? I like your idea of getting rid of something every time you bring something new into the house. I try to do that with my clothes, more or less. When my closet gets full, I go through it and donate clothes that I don’t wear any more, or very rarely. I need to start doing that with other items too. Thanks for the idea!

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  24. lol love those wonders of life Ann … I had just emptied out my cupboards when I mentioned I’d run out of cloth to sew my happy bags.

    A few friends were very quick to dump their unwanted clothes etc on me = cupboards now bursting with dull one colour cloth. Have purchased a child’s doona cover to find something cheerful to add to them so just praying I get motivated to sew again. I so loved using all my bright patterned left over cloth, saved loads from landfill 🙂

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  25. I have the same problem here and I wish I could say it was a mystery because it’s not. I know exactly why our home has become what it is now. I used to have a house I could clean in a jiffy from top to down, every nook and cranny. Even with a fulltime job and babies, cleaning was always quick and well done and for one reason only – we had had very few things. I don’t have that kind of a home anymore. What I have is a relatively neat and pretty organised home but still, a far cry from before because we have soooooo much stuff. Since you shared about helping your mum clear her home, I’ve made it a point to get the kids to clear out and re-home stuff twice a year instead of our usual Christmas clean-up. And we still end up with loads – as you said, emptied drawers, cupboards and storage bins get mysteriously filled.

    I’ve come to the stage where I’ve stopped wondering and pondering. The best thing to do is to do as you’re doing – just diligently keep clearing stuff out, maybe do big clearing jobs more often.

    That said, I’m going to clear out my closet tomorrow.

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    • I think a big part of the reason our houses fill up is our children! There are more people accumulating, and needing to store, things. That’s only natural, and a nice trade off from our days of minimalist living. What I don’t understand is why my house is still so full after my children have moved out, but like you, I’ve decided that it’s time to stop wondering and simply continue to deal with it. I cleaned out my closet and two junk drawers this past week, and intend to keep going until Spring is truly here. One of my favorite parts of Spring is Spring cleaning!!!

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  26. Hi Ann :
    If you look at the world you will continue to accumulate things. If you look at Heaven you will put all that aside because you don’t need it.

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  27. My Mother was a “keeper” (a gentle way to say hoarder) and it has impacted me to a point of distress. Even so, I have filled up every home we have owned, promising on move out never again, but I never stick to that promise. Recently I adopted the “rule” that if something comes in, something has to go out and it’s so liberating! At Christmas we had Covid and therefore did not decorate except for one small tree (which is fully decorated hanging in my garage). And you know what? Turns out that was just perfect. My mind has been pondering downsizing those decorations too but I confess my heart isn’t on board yet. Why? Why do I allow stuff to hold me captive? Anyway, all of this to say I understand the dilemma, Ann!

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    • Oh, I understand! I think the truth is that sometimes our possessions speak to us, and we become emotionally attached, if not dependent on them. It truly is hard to let things go, and even harder not to replace them with more stuff. Sometimes the answer is “baby steps.” Get rid of small amounts at a time, and give yourself permission to keep what truly speaks to you. Too often, we view it as an “all or nothing” situation, which it really isn’t. We can keep our treasures, and at the same time get rid of the things that we don’t care about so much. And that helps declutter our houses just fine!

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  28. Here’s part of my rationale for clearing out a lot of junk, along with how I did it.

    How I Moved It!

    I now live in only 700 sq ft which I have somehow already started to fill with new stuff. Maybe the fact that I have definitely decided never to own my own home again will help to keep me from filling up whatever limited space I might live in going forward. Becoming a possible short-term snowbird may also impose limits on how much I accumulate in the future. I expect a limitation like this will naturally grow from deciding what I move from my current permanent space to the next temporary one I intend to try out next winter in Tucson.

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    • I think you have done an amazing job of downsizing! Moving helps, and moving to something small helps even more. But still, you made some tough decisions and I admire you for it. And thanks for sharing that link….hope you’re enjoying your new car!

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  29. I’m going to have to pay close attention to this because we are nearly empty nesters (one still in college) and have cleared out a lot of things in our house. But although my husband is a minimalist, I am more of a saver, definitely not a hoarder – I also don’t like clutter, but I can see how easy it can be to accumulate things. I love your idea about a dedicated room for grandchildren. We don’t have any yet, but I look forward to having special things for them to play with when they visit 🙂

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  30. We have too much stuff here, but because of all the storage areas in this house you’d not know it. I inherited many items from well-meaning relatives and I am forever getting rid of that stuff when I can figure out what to do with it. Some of it is over 100 years old… so is it valuable or just old junk?

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    • At least you have it store away! That’s better than most of us manage. And you’re right, we tend to think that old stuff is automatically valuable, but that’s not true. Just because junk is 100 years old doesn’t mean it’s worth keeping. And I say that as someone who loves old stuff! But not all old stuff has value…..

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