No Choice

/ Ann Coleman

As anyone who spends time with young children knows, choice is important.  For instance, you don’t tell a child it’s time to put on her pajamas, you hold out two pairs of pajamas and ask which pair she would like to wear tonight.  Ditto with eating vegetables.  You don’t announce,  “You’re having vegetables with your dinner!”  You ask, “Would you like carrots or green beans with your dinner?”  That may not guarantee success, but it does improve the odds of actual vegetable consumption.

I haven’t been a child for decades, but I have kept some of my childlike ways.  And one of them is that I, too, like to be offered choices.  When I book a room at a hotel, I study the types and prices of rooms on offer and select the one I like best.   If I need a dress for an upcoming wedding, I try on several before choosing the one that is the most flattering and comfortable.  (If I have to choose between flattering and comfortable, I go with comfortable, because I’ve reached the age when flattering is a relative concept.)  In short, having the ability to make choices is just as important to me now as it was when I was a toddler myself.

Which explains why I’m having such a hard time dealing with situations in which my choices are being taken away.  I prefer to cook on a gas stove, because it’s so much easier to control the temperature.  As someone who routinely sets off the smoke alarm when I’m preparing a meal, I truly need all the help I can get in the kitchen.  But I’ve heard that gas stoves are becoming increasingly expensive and will soon be phased out entirely, so I’ll have to struggle with an electric one.  Similarly, I don’t like online banking, but banks are slowly but surely pushing customers into it by cutting branch hours and raising checking fees.  Soon online banking will be the only “choice.”

One of my favorite ways to spend time is browsing through a bookstore, picking up any book that looks interesting and skimming through it to see if I like the writing style.  But all across the nation, bookstores are closing.  Clothing stores are also being slowly replaced with online shops, but how can I tell if a pair of pants, or worse, a swim suit, will fit simply by looking at a tiny photo?  A photo also doesn’t show the quality of the fabric or the true color.  Face it, as brick and mortar stores keep closing at a record pace, soon everything will have to be purchased online.  And we’d be fools to believe that free shipping is going to be offered once the online stores have a monopoly on the market.

I’m not against change or progress, but  I don’t appreciate the steady erosion of choices that often masquerades as progress.  We never really outgrow the desire to choose what we like, and I don’t think we need to apologize for that.  Lack of choice often translates to lack of control, and it’s only natural to resent it.  More importantly, having options means the freedom to make the decisions that work best for our unique personality.  It’s a way to respect the diversity of our community.  And that is why I will always choose to have a choice.

124 thoughts on “No Choice”

  2. Despite the romantic notion of living in the country, more and more are flocking to the cities, where they have more options for buying things and entertainment options. Stores will always be there for them since, as you pointed out, they want to be in touch with the goods and services they don’t find in rural areas. Online shopping has been a blessing for my wife and me because we can buy things we cannot even get in smaller towns nearby.

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    • I really hope you are right, Peter. The stores are closing so fast, it is scary. Younger people seem to prefer online shopping, and for somethings, it is very convenient. I just don’t want it to be my only choice, because sometimes I want to go to the store, try on, etc., before I buy. Plus there is something fun about visiting a really nice store! Thanks for your comment!

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    • That’s good to know there’s one that is easier to use, I’ll have to check that out. And I don’t have anything against electric stoves, for those who wants them. I just don’t like someone deciding that gas stoves are no longer allowed. Our increasing reliance on electricity is going to be interesting the next time we have a major power outage, I think. Thanks, Ally!!

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      • Always had electric and ironically I find trying to use gas to be really hard to manage. For years I kept our camping stove (propane) stored in the garage for power outages. It was so handy for those longer periods without electricity. At least we could have hot food 🙂

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        • I think it is a matter of what we’re used to! I know people who prefer electric and people who prefer gas. For me, the convenience of gas is that I can immediately reduce the heat when necessary, and I find the temp easier to judge by looking at the flame. But I’m sure that people who learned to cook on electric much prefer that method too. You’re idea of keeping a propane stove for power outages is a very good one. We were out of power for five days once, and that definitely shaped how I look at things!

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  5. Brilliant statement on where we are in life. I am sure our parents and there parents also did not like how the changes were going and that their choices were disappearing. I recall my father who did not believe in doctors railing against healthcare premiums. Turns out, it was a good change for most, but many people got left behind. I tend to explore what is coming in and like you choose to adopt or not to adopt. I guess that is one of the few choices we have left Ann. For instance, I (who used to work for a Bank) embrace on line banking, but you will never catch me on Facebook, WhatsApp, TikTok or Insta. I think we still have choices, even if not the ones we would like and I for one will still keep choosing as long as I can. Hope all is well with you and yours Ann. Allan

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    • Thanks, Allan! We are all doing well at the moment, and I’m very grateful for that. As for choice, yes, giving up choices has always been a reality for us. It does seem to me as if many of the choices I particularly enjoy are disappearing, but maybe I’m not looking hard enough for alternatives. Life is always challenging, one way or another, and we do have to adapt as much as possible. And enjoy the choices we’re still able to make!

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      • When I was working and had to give my customers or staff bad news I would always say. I am not saying you can’t do it, I am just telling you how you can do it. Times are funny as we get older. Now I know what my parents meant when they said “Wait until you are older”. Happy Saturday Ann. Allan

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  6. When my mother was alive I used to do her shopping online, but when visiting we would go shopping together where she could choose what she wanted….her pleasure in being able to do so was palpable.
    I do not want my ability to choose for myself being restricted, strongly dislike online banking and have grave doubts about the ‘choices’ being forced upon us by authorities whose reasoning seems open to doubt.

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    • Yes, I agree! Our rush to all electric vehicles concerns me, because our grid isn’t designed to handle it and the process of making (and disposing) of the batteries that run them is very bad for the environment. It sort of seems as if we are simply trading one evil for another. Politicians really shouldn’t be in charge of all the big decisions, I believe.

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  7. I find that the subject of choice is one of the trickiest concepts known to man, Ann. 🙂 I guess that is because our choices affect others. I’ve still got my gas cooktop and I like the low simmer function too but I know I should replace it sooner rather than later because we have to reduce our carbon emissions, plus we now know that electric stoves are cleaner (air quality) than gas. I cook with my windows open, which is not a choice for some. I can’t replace my gas stove with the super efficient induction cooktop because that technology uses magnets (don’t ask me how!) and those magnets may interfere with my insulin pump. I guess there are no choices that are entirely perfect for us all. I have had this same conversation with my father about gas stoves. 🙂 I love browsing in good bookshops too and I presume that so long as enough people buy books when they are in them, they will keep operating.

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    • Yes, it is true that many time our choices also impact other people, and that has to be taken into consideration for sure. Also the fact that human nature means we tend to want to foist our choices on other people, forgetting that don’t like it so much when they return the favor. As for gas verses electric stoves, I agree that’s complicated. I want to have cleaner energy, but in our country, we’re converting to electric much faster than our grids can handle, which often results in random, long-term black outs. I wish they could invent something that has the efficiency of gas without the emissions, and who knows? That may be coming. Some people have said the new induction stoves do that, so I’ll have to check that out. There’s always an answer if we look hard enough! Take care and thanks for commenting!

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  8. No one wants choices taken from them but I suspect that there won’t be a rapid increase or major endings to things you like and use and prefer Ann. Even though I find that I now prefer many of the changes that have occurred I agree with you that by our very nature humans are always going to find they don’t want to give up options that work for them.

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    • I really hope you are right, Deb! Choices are important, I think. Introducing new things is wonderful, I just balk at being forced to abandon the old whether we want to or not, and whether the new is actually an improvement or not. Sort of like having all those computers on our cars, you know? I don’t need or want them, but I have no choice. Which means that when my daughter-in-law accidentally damaged her car’s side-view mirror, she’s presented with a $1,200 bill to fix it, even though it’s still attached. Apparently, the computer in it has to be replaced, and that’s expensive. But of course some changes are actually for the better, and I’m grateful for that

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  9. There’s a lot of misinformation out there about such things as gas stoves. Richard Trumka Jr., a U.S. Consumer Product Safety commissioner, has clarified that the agency would not be able to physically remove gas stoves from anyone’s homes—but instead would require new products to comply with new regulations. The period for comments on proposed policies begins in March and is expected to be lengthy. Given the way the government works, I wouldn’t expect new specifications to arrive for a few years; cook away!

    There are other ways to exercise the choices which please us. When it comes to banking, for example, I do mine completely offline at a local bank where everyone knows me by name, and where customers receive Christmas cards personally signed by each of the staff. I almost never never purchase new books, and I never purchase from Amazon; instead, I use book resellers where I generally find any title I want, and sometimes pay as little as a couple of dollars for copies in ‘fair’ condition.

    The trick is to choose how we want to live our lives, and then go about making it happen. Sometimes there’s no way around the bureaucrats and politicians, but most of the time there is. And if there isn’t a way around them, and I disagree with their decisions, I’m capable of completely ignoring them. I had some serious decisions to make in the mid-1970s, and Billy Joel helped me make them. His great song still works for me.

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    • That’s good to know about the gas stoves! Of course when the regulations do come, the price of new stoves will sky rocket, but if we can keep our old ones going, we’ll be set. And you are so lucky to have a bank like that! Where I live, the banks are all huge and very impersonal. (We actually switched banks after our old one informed us that we would no longer be able to write checks on our money market account. They weren’t going to charge us for it, they weren’t going to let us do it at all! Seriously.) I should look into Credit Unions, though, as they are still small and offer personal service.
      As for books, I love used book stores, but they are disappearing from my area. I guess they don’t make enough money to justify the rent? But I agree with your conclusion. I need to focus less on the little choices that I can’t control and pay more attention to the big choices about the kind of life I want to live. That’s the important thing.
      PS: Thanks for the link….I’ve always loved that song!

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  10. Life is all about choices. I agree completely about the feeling of having choices taken away. We always (since 1983 when we bought our first house) had Allstate Insurance. But this year we didn’t get a bill in the mail. Instead they sent us a statement and gave us the choice to either pay online or to have them take the money directly from our bank acct! There was no longer an option to write a check! I’m going to investigate other companies and see if I can find a better choice! As for the stove – I have a gas range and oven. I love cooking with gas. My sister remodeled her kitchen and took out her cooktop. She just has a built in oven. Instead of the (propane) range she got induction cook plates. It is so slick! And now she has an unbroken 12 foot countertop!! She said it was the best choice she’s ever made!

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    • Sadly, that’s happening more and more. We’re also moving towards a cashless society. We wanted to buy breakfast at the airport once and were informed they only accepted credit cards. I don’t like to charge less than $20, but had no choice. And buying absolutely everything by credit card means our every single purchase can be tracked and our spending habits are then sold to the marketing departments of other companies and…..you get the picture. Goodbye, privacy! I’m glad to hear your sister liked her induction cook plates. If they have the control of gas, then that could be the choice for me!

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    • That does sound nice! Can you immediately reduce the heat, or do you have to move the pan? I do think that the electric stoves are getting betters and thank goodness for that. (And you’re right, the gas stove tops really are hard to keep clean.) Thanks for the comment!

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      • The glass does stay heated for a bit after you turn the burner off, so I usually slide the pan over. My favorite feature is the large burners have smaller burners in the middle, like a circle within a circle. If I start cooking on the smaller burner and it’s not cooking quickly enough, I just turn the knob to heat up the large one, so I don’t have to move the pan. You can cook anything that splatters, like bacon and just wipe the cooktop off once it cools. You’re welcome Ann.

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  13. Ann, choices are extremely important! It makes the grey space between our ears work on it’s own and not placed in auto (computer) mode.
    I love gas cooking too. Unfortunately, it will disappear here in Europe within years as our emissions need to be reduced, in that I know I won’t have a choice. But, I do choose a better environment for future generations and we should be the care takers of making the planet better.
    As for banking… seems we no longer have and choices or voices on that and that is frustrating! The banks here have even taken out the coin counting/sorting machines and we can no longer place cash into our bank accounts! Europe is not a cash is King economy anymore and that is concerning as I also think it is pushing us to no longer have any privacy or to be able to freely pay for an ice cream with cash. Everything is tracked and that limits our choices for sure.
    Great thought provoking blog!!!

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    • Yes, that is exactly why I don’t like having to use our credit cards for every single purchase. They are not only tracked, but our spending information is sold for marketing purposes. (Sort of like our browsing history, which is why we get ads targeted at our recent searches.) Privacy isn’t something we should be willing to give up quite so easily! And I’m so sorry that you can’t deposit cash in banks any more…that’s crazy! It’s forcing you into a cashless society, which means that you can’t have any resources that someone can’t hack into and steal…… I don’t like the thought of that at all, but I’m sure it’s coming here too.

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  16. I’m with you 100%. My friend and I were just saying recently that every day it becomes increasingly harder to find things in stores. Long story, but my cat hair balled on my pillow….so I need to get a new pillow. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get one from a store, and how do you actually buy a pillow online without feeling it?

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  17. I have to say, I am scared of gas and seeing an open flame. I was forced to use the gas grill burner to cook after hurricane Ike when we lost electricity for two weeks. That’s my only experience with gas. We are being tracked all the time and not only by banks. My phone occasionally tells me every place I have been. Big brother is watching us. It seems each century brings lots of changes. My grandfather, born in the late 1800s, went from horse and buggy to man on the moon.

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    • Yes, phones are built with tracking devices these days, and I’m not sure it’s even possible to turn them off. So are our cars. And the question is, “why?” What legitimate reason do the manufacturers of these things have to build in tracking devices? Why does the government allow it? But no one is asking these questions….
      We are living in the middle of a tech revolution that makes the industrial revolution look like a child’s birthday party. It has both good and bad, but I think we’re going to see ten times the changes that our grandparents did, and that’s a sobering thought.

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  18. I hear this every time I sit down with my 90-year-old mother, and she’s right. She is anti -tech, refuses the internet, but loves her flip phone. Her bank understands, has a particular banker she calls to get things done, and she loves being able to talk to a person.
    I prefer that, too. And clothes shopping! I want to feel the fabric as well as see how it looks on ME. I don’t think brick & mortar will ever go away completely…but it may only be available to a select few, or to small neighborhood specialty shops.

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    • I agree, there will probably always be a handful of quaint (and expensive) brick and mortar stores. Younger generations seem fine with this, but those of us who experienced shopping in a real store know exactly what we’re losing, and we’re not happy about it. I don’t think it’s good for society when we can do almost everything at home, sitting in front of a computer. And we wonder why civility is breaking down all across the world……

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  19. yes, the closed choice one uses with toddlers–not which shirt, but the red or green.
    With leaving gas stoves, there are again two choices, standard electric and the induction stove, which is much more responsive that the old electric. Its the fastest way to heat things and all the energy goes directly to the cooking vessel rather than heating the space around it. I used one in my van, and it was great. Getting ready to transition to an induction stove in my home as well, just have to update the electrical panel first.

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    • Yes, I seem to remember you writing about that, and I hope that the induction stoves are a good replacement for the gas ones. That would be a godsend. I understand the need to reduce emissions, but I also understand that we can’t make everything electric without first increasing our grid capacity and having a good back up plan for when the power goes out. Hopefully, scientists are working on this!

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  20. Trouble is we probably all want different choices! My first brush with this concept was as far back as when decimal coinage came in here (early 70s) and someone said it was a shame they couldn’t leave the changes till all the old folk had gone 😀! Well, that’s never going to happen so I guess we just have to get used to things changing over our lifetimes that might not always suit us. I’m definitely with you on gas hobs. My own ‘thing’ that I’m resisting at the moment is music streaming. I choose to own something and I’m sure that’s better for the artists too.

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    • Yes, we do want different choices, which I honestly think is a good thing. That way, the markets (and governments) have to offer variety, which is better for everyone. I do agree that change is always hardest on the elderly (and I’m pretty darn close to that), so that might be one of the reasons I resent seeing my choices whittled down so much. I also agree about streaming…I don’t see how that’s good for the artists and I also like to have a physical object. I’ll stand with you on that for sure!

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  21. Great post! As is often the case, when I read it I thought it was me who wrote it (haha). I really don’t like the online banking and shopping direction we are headed. I feel so stressed whenever I do my banking or purchase something. The online clothing stores stress me because I’m a “weird” shape and height. I have friends who say, “Oh, just return it.” That seems like a lot of work and trouble. We recently had an immigration renewal thingy, and it was mind-numbingly frustrating. They are pushing for these “things” to be done online. It took a month, but in the end we were able to actually talk to someone face-to-face. Anyway, I guess we have no choice but to adjust. In the apartment here, we have an electric stove. I’m surprised how quickly I’ve gotten used to it. Take care, Ann, and hope you have a nice weekend. 🙂

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    • My husband is a CFO for a large construction company, so he works closely with several banks. And he said online banking is responsible for about 90% of the bank fraud in this country….so how safe could it possibly be? Plus, what happens when your internet service is down? Or when you need to do something complicated and need a person to talk to you about your options? It’s just too limiting, in my opinion.
      I also have an unusual body shape, which means I MUST try on pants, swimsuit, dresses, etc. I can buy a top online (but I’d still rather see the actual color and texture of the material) but buying other things online entails lots of returns. And how is all that shipping back and forth good for the environment? Oh well…..I hope you have a nice weekend too!

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    • That’s the truth…we’re nobody’s target market, other than the companies that are building retirement homes. And the younger generation prefers to do everything online, and don’t care a whit about privacy or personal service. But I’ll hold out as long as possible! Because I still believe that all people deserve to be heard, and have choices, despite our ages. Thanks for your comment!

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  23. I have an induction cooktop. I like how quickly it heats up and down but mostly I like how easy it is to keep clean. It works by heating the pan which heats the food, so anything that spills does not burn and stick on the cooking surface. (You do have to have pots that are magnetic.)
    I know what you mean by choice. We had to replace our furnace, and Canada’s laws meant we had to choose a high efficiency model that was more expensive than mid efficiency ones. We don’t like government mandates like this.

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    • We rented a vacation house last Fall that had an induction cooktop, although we didn’t know it at the time. I couldn’t understand why it didn’t work with certain pots and pans, but you explained that well. I was also surprised that it heated up so much quicker than the regular electric stove tops. But with the right pans, it does sound like a good alternative to a gas stove. As for the higher efficiency appliances, I get what you mean. Yes, we have to protect the environment, but we also have to remember that many, many people can’t afford the more expensive appliances. What is supposed to happen to them? There are a lot of things that still need to be figured out, I think.

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    • No, we really don’t. And honestly, it’s not even the lack of choices that bothers me most. It’s having the changes foisted upon us without any opportunity for input. As if we’re good dumb to know what we want and need, and we’re just supposed to accept what someone else decides to allow us to have. (Like Siri on my car. Don’t want it, don’t need it, and yet it’s there…..) It sort of feels like being treated like a child, you know?

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  25. Well, it always takes a WHILE after doing away with things before they’re actually gone.. like these old-school light bulbs that aren’t spooky or x-ray quality, and how my husband who isn’t online at all, still fills out forms at doctor offices.. oh, many other things, lol 😉

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  26. Everyone likes the idea of having choices! You are right in regard to clothing shopping. It is often easier to try something on than to visualize how it might fit. I do some of both, but I make sure to not only do online shopping. I try to support local businesses so that we will still have these stores available. I absolutely love to go to a bookstore and pick out a book. I can’t imagine not being able to do that!!! 🙂

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    • I know! I’ve bought books online when I know I want a particular book and it’s not in stock at a bookstore. But nothing is nicer than browsing through a bookstore and discovering new authors whose works I love. We used to have Barnes and Noble, Borders, and several small, independent bookstores in St. Louis. Plus a bunch of used books stores where I could find out of print favorites. Now we’re down to Barnes and Noble and maybe five independent stores in the whole metro area. It’s depressing! I’m glad you understand the joy of bookshop browsing too, and I hope we never lose the chance to do that completely.

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  27. I suppose there are benefits to some things being available for purchase online but we have definitely lost something in all the “advancements”. Call me a dinosaur but good old customer service appears to have all but vanished! I work in small local clothing store where I live and thankfully we are still thriving. Much of the reason we are thriving is because of the customer service we offer and the demographic we cater to. Although there are some things that are beyond our control, I would encourage anyone who values customer service and local shops/restaurants/services in their area, to ensure they support local. It’s so important!

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    • Yes! I’m not against online shopping, I just resent that it is quickly becoming our only choice. I’m so glad that your store is doing well, and agree we should all shop in real, local stores whenever we can. Customer service is so important! The last time I needed a pair of everyday shoes, I browsed through the big shoe department of a local department store (It was still big at that point, it’s half the size now, but still open.) I didn’t see anything I thought would work, but a saleslady came over and made some recommendations. I left with a pair of shoes that I love and still wear all these years later. Without her advice, I wouldn’t have even tried them on!

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  28. I also appreciate choices, Ann, but I have another beef. Everything I seem to choose is low quality! What happened to quality products? I am finding this especially with inferior art materials. They don’t make em like they used to! That is the truth! Planned obsolescence!

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    • That’s a very good point! Appliances may be more expensive and have more features, but they don’t last nearly as long as the older, simpler ones did. (Remember when a dryer lasted for at least 15 years?) Clothes are also made of poorer quality, even the ones sold in expensive stores. And the problem with the poor quality is that things don’t last, so they have to be thrown out and replaced often, which is also terrible for the environment. The landfills just keep getting bigger!

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  30. Yes to all this! We were just discussing gas stoves (have one) last night because I recently read that the fumes are hazardous. I prefer the gas stove for the same reasons as you, plus when the power goes out, I can still light the stove with a match. Choices are important at any age. I recently bought several pairs of pants and jeans online and I had to pick a cut and inseam. I was lucky with the pants, but all the jeans went back. I definitely like to see the goods in-person before I buy.

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    • I’ve just heard that too, and yet I was raised in house with a gas stove, and have cooked on one all my life. It’s never hurt me. I’ve also heard that the emissions aren’t good for the environment, and that makes more sense. But electricity isn’t completely environmentally friendly either, plus we don’t have the grids to keep up with our government’s desire to go all electric with everything. Just think of how crippled we’re going to be in future power outages….. And yes, it’s very hard to buy jeans and pants online. Not only the fit, but the quality, is impossible to judge without actually seeing and touching the product. Thanks for the comment!

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  31. Although I purchase items online and like the ease and simplicity, I also like brick and mortar stores and hate it when they close. Unfortunately, it’s happening more and more lately. As far as the gas cooktops, I think there is a lot of misinformation out there… they will be around for the foreseeable future. That being said, I do think there are some legitimate health concerns with them. We currently have gas, but my husband and I have recently talked about buying an induction cooktop when we need to replace it. So much easier to clean and the temperatures are quite precise. Unlike electric cooktops, when the pan is removed from the surface, it isn’t hot. Amazing!

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    • That’s probably true, just because something is reported on the news doesn’t mean it’s entirely accurate. Here’s hoping, anyway. Several people have mentioned induction cooktops, so I’ll look into that when I need to replace our current stove. It does sound like a happy compromise!

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  34. Not many can see as you do, Ann – that under the guise of progress, ease, so-called doing of things from the comfort of home and even mandates (as one commenter from Canada mentioned above) we’re actually being stripped of many of our choices. I would choose buying from physical stores over online stores anytime even with the ease online shopping may sometimes offer. I believe God gave us our senses of smell, touch and feel for a reason and I will put them to use as much as I am allowed to.

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    • Yes, we really are sacrificing a lot of common sense under the guise of progress (and convenience) aren’t we? Shopping online is fine as an option, but it really shouldn’t be our only option. We do need to use our senses when we make certain purchases, and stores also help build community. Face to face interaction with other people is also necessary for our emotional health! I think many of the problems we’re seeing now are the direct result of people not interacting with actual people enough…..between our addiction to screens and the recent lock downs, people are more isolated than ever!

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  35. Me, too! It’s almost like “they” want us all to look alike, act alike, dress alike, live in identical homes, drive identical cars, and the list goes on. Gee, wasn’t America founded on freedom and individualism? Ah, well, you’ve said it very well, and I can’t fathom anyone disagreeing with your position. In the end, this is going to cost us all way more than we want.

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    • I know! I’m old enough to remember the 60’s, when conformity was a dirty word. Now, individualism is scoffed at, and we’re all supposed to be the same. (We talk about diversity, but we don’t really want to practice it.) I say, let people be who they really are, and that only happens when people have genuine choices!

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  36. Lots to think about and consider in your post and the comments from your readers and you, too. I have a gas hob (I guess that’s what you call a stovetop). I’ve always had gas, although my oven is electric. I prefer gas as I can control it better than electric, but in your comments, I’ve read that induction hobs are just as good and controllable as gas. I’m lucky that we aren’t being told to replace our gas hobs (yet), although the government is pushing us all to get new heat pumps for green central heating. These are about double/triple the price!

    Having choice is important, too. Everything is becoming too impersonal. That said, I bank with Nationwide and am lucky enough to have a branch on the High Street still, although I often do online banking with them. It’s nice to have the choice, though. Giant companies like Amazon will be there forever and will undoubtedly increase their costs once they have a monopoly on buying almost anything. I have to confess; I use Amazon because it’s nigh on impossible for me to carry goods home from local places or the lovely independent stores, which I can’t get to anyway. However, I do love an independent bookstore; I love the feel of a new book and its clean pages. I like to flick through the pages before deciding whether to buy it. Mind you, Amazon is catching up with that advantage, too, by allowing buyers to read sections of the book they are interested in.

    I have an elderly friend in the south of the country who is not online for anything at all – much like your mom, I expect, with her flip phone. My friend has a flip phone but no laptop or tablet/iPad. Occasionally, I’ve ordered something she needs online and have it sent directly to her. She lives in a village, so she has very little access to anything other than food and pharmacy items.

    Thanks for such a thought-provoking post, Ann. X

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    • Yes, when I have to replace my gas stove, I’m going to look into an induction one. (Although they for require a special kind of pan, so that will mean getting all new ones. And I guess that means no more using cast-iron skillets?) You also raise and excellent point about the increasing costs of “green” appliances. Yes, they’re better for the environment, but they put a huge burden on the poor and middle class. That has to be addressed, I think, before such things become mandatory.
      And online shopping is a blessing for many people, so I have no problem with it. I just don’t like it when it is our only choice, because it does’t work for all people at all times. I want to have the choice between ordering online and buying something in a store. And as you say, what about the people who have limited, or no, internet access? Especially those who live alone? They are really getting left behind, and that just isn’t right. Good for you for taking care of your friend in that department!
      Finally, thanks for your kind words. I wasn’t sure how people would react to this post, but it seems like I’m not the only one who feels this way!

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      • I agree with you, Ann – we do need to have access to shops as well as online. Here, I’m fortunate enough to have a large John Lewis store where you can buy almost anything. I love walking around it; it’s just a shame I can’t afford their prices. Bookshops are a definite favourite to have on the High Street, but sadly, we are losing those almost by the day. I love the smell of a bookshop.

        You know, I remember a previous post of yours where you spoke about being away in a holiday cottage (or similar) and not being able to work out why those ordinary pans didn’t work on that hob there. For some reason, that just stuck in my mind.

        I was really surprised when I found out that my ten year old granddaughter was given an iPhone 12 for her birthday by her mother (my son and her are divorced). I can understand its uses for emergencies, but she seems a little young to have such a sophisticated phone. Nevertheless, I do love it when she messages me, “Morning, Nanny. Have a lovely day. I love you. Kisses and hearts.” My son has put security settings son it so she can’t access anything unsuitable. That’s progress for you. X

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        • You have a good memory! Because yes, that stove must have been an induction one, as only a few pans (apparently magnetic) worked with it. I was also surprised by how quickly the “burners” heated up for an electric stove, but apparently that is one of the features. I didn’t mind it once I got used to it, but I could have lived without the recipe feature on it. I don’t need my stove to have recipes, LOL! And yes, young children are getting sophisticated phones these days. I think it’s just a sign of the times. But it sure sounds as if your granddaughter is putting it to good use, and your son has taken measure to make sure she uses it safely!

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  37. I like choices too, Ann. I’m going to be in big trouble when brick-and-mortar clothing stores go away. I’m really short, so most clothes look weird. I have to try them on. And there’s nothing quite as fun as browsing a real bookstore. Despite the gains derived from technological advancements, we lose a little too.

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    • Yes, I have a body shape that doesn’t work with many styles, especially pants and jeans. I have to try them on, even the brands that I already own! And I really hope that book stores never disappear entirely, we need them. What I’d like to see is that we appreciate the gains that technology has provided, but not let those gains be a means of taking away our ability to choose for ourselves. It’s a fine line to walk, I think!

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  38. I like your theme so much, I added “choices” to my list of ideas for future beach walks. There is something about shopping in person for clothes. Feeling the texture is important. So is by-passing the stuff of no interest. It’s part of the hunt. Meanwhile, we also favor gas. Fortunately, our gas stove isn’t that old. Well done, Ann!

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    • Yes, I’m hoping they figure out a way to make gas more environmentally friendly so it doesn’t go out of style. I’m used to cooking that way, and I like it. And thank you so much for your kind words!

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  39. Very good points Ann. I don’t go out as much as I did since since the pandemic hit but I would like to still have that choice to do so when I want too. I used to enjoy just browsing a few stores so I’d be out for a while. I’d watch people, maybe talk to a few people. But yes, with some of them closing, it can make things more difficult. We have to find new stores that we may not be used to. Who really knows what the future will bring and if we will even see people in person anymore. Could you imagine a city full of buildings that are no longer open to the public? The streets would become desolate because there wouldn’t be a need to be out on the streets. Scary thought.

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    • Yes, people really do need to be in touch with other people in order to stay healthy, emotionally and physically, I believe. Staring at screens all day isn’t good for us! Shopping at stores is one way to engage with the real world, so I hope that is always an option for us. I hope that a future in which people just stay home all the time never really happens, but who knows? Thanks for the comment!

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  40. GREAT points all around, Ann! And based on the comments you are not ALONE in your thoughts. We were born to be free. God gave us “free will” for a reason. “What” we choose is a reflection of the moral-compass in our lives. May we continue to live in a country that respects this….if only for the sake of our grand-children and theirs, as well.

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    • I agree, Dawn! “Free” is an important part of the term free will, and we all do have it. I also hope that our country continues to provide that, for the sake of all of us, but most especially future generations. Thanks so much for your comment!

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  41. Now in my mid-60s and striving to simplify my life, I’m finally beginning to enjoy making choices. For instance, buying one sweater I love rather than bringing home three because I can’t decide which I like best.

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  42. I am also seeing that in order to stream line things and keep them easy (for the manufacturers and installers) they only do things a certain way. I keep hearing a lot of “they don’t do that around here” . . . so it CAN be done and they do it in other places, just not “here”, here they do it the most expensive way possible and don’t give you a choice. It is funny how, like you say, progress is somehow actually translating into restrictions.

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    • I know! Progress is the popular catch phrase of the moment, but when our choices are being taken away, that is not progress. Progress is only what moves us ALL forward, as a society. It is not changes that leave many people behind…..

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      • Right! And also the progress is just a way (in the case of which I am speaking) to do things fast and everything ends up being cookie-cutter the same AND on top of that BAD quality. It is so frustrating! And they also use the excuse that it is more affordable for the consumer when it really is about putting more money in their pockets. (sigh)

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  43. A couple of years ago I was watching a documentary on the lives of the average citizen in North Korea. Like many other communist countries, or under the thumb of a tyrant, often times clothes, hair styles, and the way they must fall in line with each aspect of daily living are mandated. No choices makes for a mind and will of mush.

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  44. I am the proud owner of a gas stove. Love, love it. I have adapted to the many ways of using technology to purchase and do my business. I realize it’s a love-hate relationship. I have learned to balance it out, but there are moments especially dealing with customer service that the days of seeing each other face to face, are the days I miss.

    Velva

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    • Yes, I miss having an actual person answering the phone at businesses and government offices. Now we have to sit through five minutes of canned talk before we can get a real person to talk to. There’s no way that is efficient!
      I love my gas stove too, and take very good care of it so it will last as long as possible. As you say, it’s all a matter of balance. Thanks for your comment!

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    • There really is no way I can buy clothes just based on a photo! I need to see the quality of the fabric, the actual colors, and most of all, the fit. I occasionally buy something from a catalog of a store where I’m familiar with all of those things, but that’s it. Give me brick and mortar stores every time!

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    • Yes, too many choices is almost as hard as no choices, isn’t it? It can absolutely be overwhelming. But in my experience, too few choices is far more common, sadly. Hopefully, we can get back to an acceptable middle ground soon!

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  47. I’m with you, Ann. Online shopping is the worst. I had held out until the pandemic, and then, I got sucked into an Amazon hole. You’re right about trying on clothes. I’m short, but some of my body parts aren’t small, so I NEED a dressing room. I’ve found myself ordering 2 of something so I can see which one fits, and then wasting time sending the other back.

    The other thing I’ve noticed is that although stores are open, they don’t carry a lot, and they’ll tell you to just go online! I thought I was doing my part by still going to the mall.

    Don’t get me started on the bookstore. Sometimes, I go to Barnes and Noble and just sit on the ground and peruse a few books…just because I can.

    Anywho, as you can see, you’ve struck a nerve. I agree with all you’ve said here.

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    • Thanks, Kathy! Honestly, I value your opinion, so that comment means a lot. And yes, online shopping is a good thing sometimes. During the pandemic, I needed a purse so I bought one online, and actually loved it. It’s also good for those things we can’t seem to find in stores anymore. BUT I can never use it as my only source for clothes. My body is not the same size in different areas, so I also have to try things on. Still, the worst thing that could happen is for all bookstores to close. I would seriously be grieving. I also grab books off the shelves and just sit down to browse through them, just because I can. And I really, really don’t want to live in a world where that’s no longer possible!

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  48. You can tell I’m not a mother. I didn’t know the choice trick. I‘ll make sure to put it to the test with my best friend’s son next time I baby-sit.
    As so often I agree with you, this time on the importance of choice. And the (perceived) sense of control it seems to give us. I grew up in a country surrounded by a wall, with very limited freedom of speech as well as freedom to travel. There stores were lacking choice, too. There was one kind of milk, one kind of butter, that’s it, take it or leave it. Now, choice is plentiful, in excess even. I feel there is a sweet spot between sense of control through means of choice on the one hand, and overwhelm by means of choice on the other hand. I try to remember the lack when I face the excess, in order to find my own middle ground.

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    • Yes, I think there is a sweet spot between too many choices (like the choices of olive oil in my grocery store, how in the world am I supposed to know which one is best? I usually just go with whatever is on sale!) Too few choices make us feel as if we have no freedom, and too many choices can simply be overwhelming. I hope to never live in a country without freedom of speech, but I know that it could happen. Many people don’t enjoy the freedoms I tend to take for granted, and I need to remember that. Thanks for your comment!

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  49. Well said Ann and I couldn’t agree more. I much prefer cooking on gas, for example and I’ll always prefer trying on an outfit as opposed to buying online. To have choices taken away from us might feel like a loss of control but maybe it might pave a way for better choices in the future. Have a great weekend Ann.

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