Getting Better

/ Ann Coleman

I’ve never been good at being sick.  I lay in bed, feeling immensely sorry for myself, and whine a lot. I also fret about all the things that I’m supposed to be doing, but can’t do because I’m sick.  I know when I don’t go to the animal shelter to walk the dogs, the other volunteers have to walk even more dogs than usual.   And even if I had the energy to babysit my grandkids or help my mom, I can’t risk giving them my germs.  So between the misery and the guilt, my mood is very dark when I’m under the weather.

The only thing that helps is remembering my illness won’t last forever and eventually, I’ll feel better.  It rarely happens as quickly as I wish, but so far, I’ve managed to recover each time I’ve been sick or injured.  Bearing that in mind really does help me cope when I’m lying in bed with my stomach doing flip flops and my head pounding.  “This, too, shall pass,” I tell myself, as often as I need to until I can actually believe it.

Personally, I’ve found that remembering that tough times don’t last forever is very helpful, period.  When my daughter tells me her baby kept her up most of the night, I sympathize because I remember just how sleep-deprived I was when my own children were young.  But then I try to cheer her up by reminding her the time will come when both she and her baby will routinely get a good night’s sleep.  When I’m watching my back yard wither in the dry and unrelenting heat of a drought, I remind myself that the rains will come again, as they always do.  The grief that accompanies profound loss may never disappear, but it does become more bearable with time.  Life may never be the same, and certainly not the way we want it to be, but there will be moments of joy and happiness again.  Sometimes, we just have to wait it out.

Recently, my husband and I had the chance to visit Sanibel Island, which had been devastated by Hurricane Ian last September.  We used to love the first sight of the island as we crossed the causeway, because it was beautiful and it meant our vacation had truly started.  This time, the causeway was a mess of construction, the surrounding water was a dirty brown, and much of the greenery on the island was gone.  Some buildings were intact, but others had gaping holes and others had been swept away entirely.  Piles of refuse, waiting for pick up, lined many of the roads.

I’m not going to lie, the devastation did make us a bit heart-sick, especially for the residents who had lost so much.  But we also saws unmistakable signs of recovery.  Some businesses had reopened, and some bike paths were clear.  We actually ate lunch at one of our favorite restaurants which had somehow come through unscathed.  And through the restaurant’s windows we could see palm trees still standing.  Their palms had blown off, but they were already growing new ones.  It was a timely and much-needed reminder that “this, too, shall pass…..”

81 thoughts on “Getting Better”

  4. I’m reminded of this quote – “The history of any one part of the Earth, like the life of a soldier, consists of long periods of boredom and short periods of terror.” British geologist Derek V. Ager.

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    • Yeah, that’s the truth in many ways! But there are also so periods of happiness, and that’s what keeps us going. As for soldiers, I can’t even imagine what they must go through. Thanks for your comment!

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    • Yes, I think it’s the recovery that it’s best to focus on. Change can be so hard, especially the sudden kind, but if we can remember that we’ll get past this issue that helps. (Or at least it helps me.) Still, sometimes waiting can be very hard…. Thanks for the comment!

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    • Sanibel is truly one of my favorite places! It’s hard to see it so damaged (and I can’t even imagine what the residents and business owners are going through), but the signs of recovery are there. I follow two Facebook sites and they list new places that are opening, wildlife that is returning, and the cleaning of the beaches. It’s all very hopeful, even though full recover will take a long time. And yes, I like that saying too….It is also something to remember when we’re facing tough times, because it’s so true!

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  13. I just saw a news report that some people still do not have a place to live nor do they have their FEMA trailers. That part is hard to see, especially since so many are elderly. My area has gone through several big disasters and I know it can really take more time than expected, but houses and businesses eventually get rebuilt and people find places to live. You would never know today what we went through.

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    • Yes, I follow a couple of Facebook pages about Sanibel, and a lot of the people are really struggling to recover. FEMA is saying it will be another six months before they have trailers for everyone, and insurance companies are being difficult, to say the least. And in our post-covid world, we all know how hard it is to get contractors and supplies to fix anything! But still, Sanibel and the Southwest Florida are will recover….it just takes time!

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  16. Long ago, I learned a lesson that’s served me well. Whether it’s a hurricane on my doorstep, a pulled muscle, or a non-paying customer, I can complain, or I can cope. The great thing is that little rule of thumb — complain? or cope? — works for big things and small. Even the day of the big Thanksgiving dinner, when I found the cat had walked across the pumpkin pies, there was a way to cope: a covering of whipped cream! I never said a word, and no one got sick or died.

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    • That’s an excellent way to think about it. And I admit that far too often, I choose to complain before I work on coping. I need to work on that.
      I love your story of the pumpkin pies! It reminds me of the time when our pet parakeet (who I used to allow to fly around our apartment for a few laps now and then) decided to land in the mashed potatoes on our Thanksgiving dinner. I just scraped off the top where he’d landed, and served the the rest…..

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  17. I do hope that you are feeling better! When we are sick, time seems to stand still. We feel so bad, it takes all of our energy to renew our strength. This last time that I was sick, I just gave into it for a couple of days. Instead of forcing myself to keep doing things, (which is what I usually do), I rested some and read some very good books. That time set apart, although I felt awful, was a time to ‘simply be’. It made me very aware of the importance of good health and not taking it for granted. Like you, I reminded myself that if I rested and ‘waited’, I would start to feel better.

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    • That’s so wise, Linda! When the kids were little, I often just had to keep on “doing” when I was sick, because I had no family in town to care for them and my husband had very limited sick days at his job. But now that when I get sick and I can just take to my bed and snivel, I do it. Because once I get past the self-pity part, I do read or watch TV and find that the break is actually just what both my body and my mind needed! (I watched almost all of Dowton Abbey when I had Covid.) The break helps us heal faster, and remembering that we won’t be sick forever keeps our spirits up!

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  18. People have a great deal of power to overcome adversity don’t they Ann- rather that comes in a nasty virus or a major disaster. We are often stronger than we realize when we need to be. I’m glad your special place is making it’s way back, even if things will likely be a bit different going forward you have lovely memories and now can make new ones as well!

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    • Yes someone said their favorite motto is “what doesn’t kill you makes your stronger” and that’s true. Hard time help us realize just how strong we really are! As for Sanibel, I’m glad too. It has a long way to go, but it will get there. You’re so right about treasuring the memories of how it was, and then making new memories of what it will be after the recovery!

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  19. I’ve always liked Sanibel Island and have memories of going there when I was a girl– and there was almost nothing built there yet. But now to know there’s almost nothing there because of a storm, well that’s different. People overcome adversity in their own ways, so all will be well again. Both for the island and you.

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    • Yes, I liked it better when we first started going there over thirty years ago and it wasn’t so popular. But having the crowds gone because of Ian is not something I had hoped for at all! But as you say, it will recover, and I’ll love it as much as ever. We all do recover eventually, in our own way and our own time. Thanks for that comment, Ally!

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  20. I remember some difficult stages the kids went through when they were little that seemed like they were going to go on forever. Of course they didn’t and life moved on (sometimes to a different difficult stage haha). We just recently watched a video someone made walking through Sanibel several months after the hurricane. So sad, but yes there is progress and hope.

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    • Yes, I try not to tell my daughter that the teenage years are going to bring in a whole other round of sleepless nights, just for different reasons….. I’ve seen some of those videos too. They are a mixture of heart break and hope. The island will recover, in time. It will never be the same, but it will be good in a whole different way. Thanks, Meg!

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    • Thanks for that link! People..and even the environment…are more resilient than we think. And that helps to remember. We eventually get through the issues that trouble us, we just have to be patient and work together for solutions!

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  22. Thinking of you, Ann. I think it’s healthy to release those burdensome feelings – we can’t feel positive all the time, especially when we’re sick!
    Temporary is a great mindset. It’s so hard when we’re in the thick of it. It helps knowing that it will get easier. I have a song I wrote named “It’s Not Forever” for that reason!

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    • Yeah, I tend to get a bit down when I’m sick. It’s temporary, and it’s okay, but I have learned not to make big decisions when I’m feeling bad because I don’t always choose well…everything seems like too much effort, and that’s not a good way to make decisions! I love the name of your song. It’s something we all need to remember. Thanks, Judy!

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  23. I suppose folks who live in storm-prone areas learn rather quickly that they can’t control the weather, Ann. Your description of Sanibel reminds me of the first time I saw the Mississippi Coast after Hurricane Katrina — what a mess! Cleanup and return-to-normal certainly do take time. And money. Here’s to the resilient spirit of the residents!

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    • I’m always amazed at the attitude of people who live in coastal areas. They are tough and resilient for sure. I guess they figure it’s a worthwhile tradeoff for living in such a beautiful area most of the time. I saw pics of Hurricane Katrina, and it looked as if that area would never recover. But it did. As you say, it takes time (and money), but it happens!

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  24. I’ve never been to Sanibel Island even though I’ve lived in Florida for many years. And so many places were hit last year. But what is good is that many understand the risks of living in Florida and rebuild when they can. Hopefully in time Sanibel will get back to the beautiful place that you remember. I guess this is just a reminder for us all to not take the beauty that God created for granted and enjoy every minute of it while it’s here.

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    • Exactly! So much of Southwest Florida was devastated. I have a friend with a home in the area that was damaged, and she said “it’s part of living in Florida.” So I think you’re right about them understanding the risks. I know you’re right about not taking the beauty of our earth for granted! We do need to enjoy it while we can!

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  25. Boy, oh boy. I agree. Just setting your mind on the fact the illness is temporary can truly help getting over the speed bump. Still, when you’re in bed suffering, it “seems” like the clock is walking through peanut butter. I hear ya. Here’s to healing. – Alan

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  26. Isn’t it true, life is always changing and we must remember to remind ourselves and others that our troubles won’t last forever. That good comes from change, things are learned in difficult times, we appreciate things a bit more or a bit less from changes.
    Ann, it was good that you were able to visit your vacation place and see it as they were recovering.

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    • Yes, it’s never good to get smug when things are going well, because we know that “high” won’t last forever, but it’s also good to remember that the hard times don’t last forever either. Life is all about change, isn’t it? And I agree it was good to visit Sanibel and see its recovery for myself. It did my heart good!

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  28. Ann, I’m sorry to read that you were down for a time. There are times when we can help ourselves to get better quicker but there are also times when we have to let God heal us in His time. Maybe this was one of those times for you.

    Like you, I find it difficult to take the slow road to healing but there have been a very few times when the choice was not up to me; all I could do was to take my meds, go to bed and pray the kids wouldn’t burn down the house. Life will take such turns at times, when there’s nothing to be done but to hunker down and endure the storm.

    Sanibel is resilient and I am hopeful it will heal in time. These things cannot be rushed and maybe they shouldn’t – for a reason. When that storm hit, we used to follow the news, all those videos of lives upended, sometimes forever. That kind of healing takes time. To rush might be to hurt even more later. Sounds like Sanibel has got it right, slow and steady will finally win.

    And you will know it deeper when you go there on your next holiday.

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  29. I realise you wrote this post two days ago, Ann, so I’m really hoping you’re beginning to feel a little or a lot better now. It’s not easy being ill when you can see all around you life carrying on as usual when you need or want to be part of it. It does often feel when we are ill that it’ll go on forever, but as they say, ‘this soon will pass.’ I’ve always loved this saying and try to remember it when I feel things will go on and on. I’ve actually got a neat tattoo on the inside of my forearm of a kingfisher with those exact words printed around it. I had quite a few tattoos when I was younger, and now regret some, but this particular one I still love.

    Sometimes we wonder when awful things happen, as in Turkey and Syria, how those poor people will ever get their lives together again, to say nothing of all the lives lost. It is so tragic.

    I remember you and your husband going out to Sanibel after the hurricane and you writing about the devastation there and how heartbreaking it was. It will take some time to get back to normal, but as that saying goes, this too shall pass … and it will. Take care of yourself, Ann. Xx 🌷

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    • Thanks, Ellie! I am feeling much better now, back to normal. I can see why you love that tattoo of the kingfisher…those words are so important in putting things into perspective. Like you, I do wonder how people who are victims of huge tragedies like the quake in Turkey and Syria ever recover emotionally. I suppose they do, eventually, but it must take a very, very long time. I feel so badly for them all!

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  31. I’m happy to you and your family were able to visit Sanibel again! I know how much this means to you. You’re absolutely right about conditions not lasting forever and how hard it is to maintain that perspective while you’re actually in the situation.

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    • Thanks, Kathy! I really felt compelled to see for myself, but wanted to wait until I wasn’t in the way by doing so. (I called the restaurant before we went there and just asked if they wanted people who weren’t residents to come over and eat lunch. They said absolutely, but they also appreciated me asking. ) It really cheered me up to see the signs of recovery, because it gave me exactly the perspective I needed!

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  32. Oh Ann, I do hope you’re feeling much better by now. It’s so easy to sink into feelings of hopelessness when we’re not well and when we see what’s going on in the world. But life’s all about navigating those up and down times isn’t it. Just as our earth and nature eventually recovers and thrives again. Resilience really is key. Sending you lots of love and warm wishes my friend. xx

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    • Thanks so much, Miriam! And yes, resilience is everything. I think we sometimes forget that nature also has the ability to heal and recover, if given enough time. Remembering that improvement is always a possibility is what gives us hope, I think.

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  33. What a great reminder that “this, too, shall pass.” Every day is a new beginning, a new day for new growth and new opportunities and change. I remember seeing the tall palm trees in south Texas a couple years ago after the terrible cold snap. They had lost their foliage but way up on the top of the trees you could see the little beginnings of new growth. They looked so funny, but they were a great example of what you have said here. Blessings, Ann!

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    • Yes! That’s why I took the photo of the palm trees in front of the restaurant. It was good to see the new palm sprouting out, and to know that they would grow in eventually and the tree would look just as good as it ever did. As you say, every day is a new beginning, and that’s a good thing!

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  34. Ann, I recently read that visitors are returning to the Sanibel/Captiva area. I am sure it was bittersweet for you to see both the destruction and the recovery in progress. When Mexico Beach was destroyed by Michael four years ago I felt the same way. We visited a year after the storm and were pleasantly surprised at the rebuilding efforts. It takes a while, and things will never be exactly as we remembered, but, when a place has your heart, it has your heart.

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    • You’re exactly right, Suzanne! It was bittersweet, but it gave me hope. I know that when the recovery is finished, Sanibel will look different from how it used to look, but that’s okay. It will be beautiful in a whole new way.

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  36. I’m sorry for the late reply. I hope that you are on the mend. An inspiring and encouraging post, Ann! One of my most used phrases in life is, “This, too, shall pass.” That and remembering the hope on the other side certainly helps during difficult times. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

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  37. Telling ourselves that things will get better is the best strategy to deal with tough times and even the less tough ones. I remember when my children were small and sometimes there were days when they were bad and wild and I was exhausted, but you know what? It was just an off day and the next day was always wonderful. And that’s often the case for the more serious problems that hit us all.

    I was interested to hear about your trip to Sanibel. We went there many times when I was growing up and know the causeway you’re talking about. Your description reminds me of the destruction of the Jersey shore after Hurricane Sandy – my parents had a house in a town that was practically ruined. Their house was okay but it was a war zone there for a few years. Hope you are feeling better and that you are doing well. 😊

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    • Yes, remembering that the bad times are often temporary is huge! When my husband was starting chemo, a relative who had already been through it warned us that there will be some tough days. But she said the thing to remember was that once you got through the bad day, it was often followed by a much better one. And that turned out to be true.
      I’m so hopeful to see Sanibel already beginning to heal, but you’re right, it’s going to be a long time before it sees full recovery. Knowing that day will come one day is huge!

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