Try Again

/ Ann Coleman

IMG_1442 2My husband and I try to take a Florida vacation every January.  We’re not fans of the month’s cold days and long nights, so it makes sense for us to spend a week of it on a warm Florida beach.  We also like having something fun to look forward to after the holidays wind down, and have found that nothing beats the post-Christmas blahs quite like throwing shorts, swimsuits and sun screen in a suitcase and heading south for a few days of rest and relaxation.

But this year was different.  I had a hard time looking forward to this trip, and it wasn’t just because the pandemic has taught me to have a “wait and see” attitude about almost everything I schedule. The problem was that this year’s vacation was going to be almost an exact repeat of the trip we took last January:  we were leaving on Martin Luther King weekend, going to the same coastal island, and rented the exact same condo.  And sadly, last year’s trip didn’t go so well.

Last year’s trip was supposed to be a celebration of my husband’s successful battle with cancer.  I was planning to reserve a table on the patio of one of the area’s nicer restaurants, and was even going to order a bottle of champagne for a special toast.  But things went wrong from the start.

While we were driving down the highway a rock flew up and cracked the windshield of our rental car.  Later that day, a distracted bicyclist rode smack into our car.  It wasn’t our fault and she wasn’t seriously injured, but it was very upsetting even so. Then I began having eye symptoms that might mean an injured retina, which I knew could mean a surgery with a long recovery.  But worst of all was the call from my husband’s surgeon with the results of the biopsy from his recent scope.  The surgeon said it was nothing to worry about, but after looking it up online, we were convinced he had grown a new tumor.  So much for our week of relaxation and celebration….

So I suppose in the back of my mind, I secretly believed that bad things were going to happen on this trip.  I’m not superstitious, but I had learned to associate this particular area with serious problems, and that made it hard for me to truly believe that we were going to have fun this time.

But we did.  We had no problems with the car, no accidents, and absolutely no bad news from any of my husband’s doctors.  We walked the beach, did a puzzle, slept late, ate out on patios, and in general had the sort of week that I had envisioned last year.  I didn’t order a bottle of champagne, but we did finally toast the fact that my husband’s cancer is gone.

Before our trip, I had toyed with the idea of cancelling our reservations and going somewhere else this year, somewhere with no bad memories.  I’m so glad I didn’t cancel and let those bad memories ruin a lovely vacation spot for us.  Because sometimes, the best thing to do is to give places (and people) a chance to redeem themselves…….

90 thoughts on “Try Again”

  2. Hi Ann, I can see why going back to the same place would be hard, like it was guaranteeing a repeat of all that happened to you last year. I’m so glad you had a nice vacation. Now maybe you won’t associate the destination with bad memories. I wish I were in a warm place right now!

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    • That’s exactly why I’m glad we went! Otherwise, it would be hard to ever go back there, and it really is a nice vacation spot for January. (It’s very walkable, which is what we want in Winter since we can’t walk much at home.) And I wish you were in a warm place now too!

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        • Sanibel is our favorite Florida destination, but this was in Marco Island. We started going there because we took the whole family, and could rent a house there for the week. On Sanibel, you can only rent a house by the month. We do enjoy Marco, though…it’s just not our favorite!

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  3. It’s been cooler here! My husband and I actually were on Sanibel/Captiva last Sunday. We rented a house to celebrate a big anniversary with our family on Captiva in June, so wanted to check it out. We had brunch at one of our favorite spots on Sanibel, The Lighthouse Cafe.

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    • Oh you are so lucky! This time, we were actually in Marco, as we had reserved it last January when we were there (at the beginning of the week, before things went wrong.) But we are going to Sanibel later in the year and I can’t wait. It is still my very favorite place to vacation. Marco is nice, and we enjoy being able to walk at night, but it just isn’t as nice as Sanibel!

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      • We have never stayed on Marco, always Sanibel. I would prefer to be there than Captiva but, large rentals close to be beach are impossible to find and we didn’t want to rent numerous condos for each family. The kids are excited for a change and we can rent golf carts to get around the island.

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        • I wouldn’t really recommend Marco if you can do Sanibel or Captiva instead. We started going to Marco simply because they allow renting a house for a week, which isn’t allowed on Sanibel. The kids like it, and we do too for a change of pace, but our hearts are in Sanibel. And the good news is, we found a condo available in Sanibel for next year’s January trip!!

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  5. So glad to hear this year’s trip was a return to the positive, enjoyable experiences of previous years, and 2021 was an aberration. It sounds like a lovely—and well-earned—way to spend some gloomy January days. Hope the rest of your year is equally sunshiney and problem-free, Ann.

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  6. It is remarkable how we associate places with memories good or bad, it’s hard not to. Nonetheless, as Milton famously wrote, mind is its own place. I am glad you made the best out of the trip even if it was interspersed with irritants.

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    • You’re right, it’s very easy to associate places with good or bad emotions…think of how much our spirits lift when we go somewhere we have always loved. But ultimately, the power to feel happy or sad is in our minds….we just have to harness that power, and it isn’t always easy. Thanks for your comment!

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  7. They always say you can never go back again, that is, the return trip is never like the first, which in your case was a good thing Ann. Glad it all worked out and relaxation was had. Stay well. Allan

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    • I think I wrote an abbreviated version of it in my blog last year, and I know I deliberately left some details out…they were too painful to write about at that time. Luckily, we were wrong about my husband growing a new tumor (never look up medical info on the internet, its all negative). The only reason he had to have surgery is that later in the year, we discovered there were still some live cancer cells where the original tumor was, so that area had to be removed. The biopsy the surgeon called about really wasn’t anything to worry about, we should have believed him!

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  11. Wonderful post, Ann! I love this; because you had a lovely time this year and because the bad memories were replaced with some really good ones. So glad you went back to the same place. 🙂 Here’s hoping that 2022 for you will be filled with wonderful moments that replace all the bad ones from 2021!

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  13. We’ve not travelled at all in the last two years, so reading about your pleasant vacation is a joy. It’s good to know that you had a peaceful one, with no mishaps. I look forward to wandering around the planet again once the pandemic is in our rearview mirror and my husband finally retires. 🙄

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    • I like to read about other people’s travels, too, and I even like to look at their photos. If we can’t go someplace ourselves, that’s the next best thing. We haven’t tried any international travel since the pandemic hit, and I think it will be quite some time before we do. But we have managed some cautious domestic trips. It works out if you take the proper precautions. (And we were very lucky that my husband’s boss let us fly in the company plane last year, before we had access to the vaccines and my husband couldn’t have flown otherwise.)

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  14. I’ve had occasion to return to certain places, and one thing I’ve learned is that the best stories often emerge from the worst circumstances. Of course, I’ve also learned that things rarely are as good as I imagine, nor as horrid as I fear. Remembering that helps to keep things on an even keel.

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    • That’s something I’ve found, too, although I tend to forget it far too often. Those of us with active imaginations usually anticipate higher highs and lower lows than what actually happens. And the thing is, whatever happens, we just deal with it and move on! Sometimes I wonder why I waste so much emotional energy on fear and worry…..

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  20. You have been to this island in Florida many times. And you were always enjoying this relaxing place away from the cold and the snow. Why then should one bad experience repeat itself? In cases like this, reason must prevail over irrational feelings. You did the right thing this year. And I am happy to hear that your husband has been cured of his cancer, Ann.

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    • You’re so right, Peter! We have been there several times, and usually really enjoy it, or we wouldn’t keep going back. Sometimes our emotions make no sense, and we do best to ignore them. This was a good vacation, and the best part was finally being able to celebrate my husband’s victory over cancer!

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  21. I am glad you went through with your vacation and had a good experience after all. Now you won’t have a lingering bad association with that happy place. And glad your husband’s cancer is gone.

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  22. You know, Ann, something like 85 percent of the things we worry about don’t happen! All that worrying … for nothing. Glad your second visit was relaxing and enjoyable (you’re so fortunate to have been able to get away — I haven’t taken a real vacation since this blasted pandemic arrived, so I’m long overdue!)

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    • I know! As one of the other comments mentioned, things are rarely as good, or as bad, as we had anticipated. So why worry? I try hard not to, but it is a struggle for me. I hope you’re able to take a vacation soon. We haven’t tried international travel (too uncertain with the virus everywhere), but have found that domestic travel is possible if you take the right precautions. It helps to go somewhere where you can spend most of your time outside in uncrowded places. Maybe rent a cabin by a lake? Really, when we get to Florida, we live exactly as we do at home: where our mask indoors in public places, eat out only on outdoor patios, and avoid crowds of all kinds. So we figure the risk is the same there as here. But of course, everyone has to do what they are comfortable with….it’s not a vacation if you’re worried the whole time! And here’s hoping that some of the experts are right and that the end is in sight for this horrible pandemic!

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    • Thanks, Svet! I get tired of Winter so quickly that a week on a beach in January really, really helps. Just knowing we get to do that makes coping with Winter’s cold and snow so much easier. If we could afford it, we’d have a second home in Florida and spend the whole Winter there, but we know we’re lucky to spend even a week on the beach.

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  24. I’m so happy you were able to redeem your beach vacation joy again, Ann. It sure seems that this was a flashing moment of PTSD from last year. You didn’t let it stop you and I’m hoping that the PTSD fades away. It’s beautiful that you could acknowledge it and score this victory. Congratulations and I’m so relieved your husband is okay.

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    • Thanks so much, Judy! I think PTSD describes it perfectly, and it’s just something that we have to work through. This vacation turning out so well went a long way towards healing, believe me. Thanks for your sweet comment!

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  25. I so love your last line here…’we need to give people and places a chance to redeem themselves.’ People, will in fact, surprise you at times. For one reason or another, you might have caught them at a very bad time. I am so glad that your vacation went well!!! It sounds like it was wonderful! 🙂

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    • Thanks so much, Linda! It really did. And you know, I used to be a bit too quick to judge people and simply “write them off.” But as I matured, I learned not to do that. First impressions aren’t always a good indication of who a person really is, and I’ve formed some very close friendships with people who simply took a little more time to get to know. I think everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves!

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      • You are so right! Some people might seem a bit gruff at first. When you get to know them better, you see that they show a kind of rough exterior because they do not want to get hurt. Deep down, they are kind-hearted souls…If we are too quick to judge, we might miss a beautiful person.

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  27. Hi Ann…sure hope Florida gave you some of her best weather! It’s pretty cold here today. It always feels like a bit of a betrayal to me when the thermometer drops this low😉 I get how you could have had second thoughts about going to a place that had those memories. I had a similar situation once…and did go back and everything was great! Glad you had a good time!!

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    • Yes, I have a friend who just moved down there, and she said she had to buy a space heater today. It made her feel rather cheated, as that’s not why people move to Florida. But the good thing is that those cold temperatures don’t last as long down South. I’m glad you made the same decision we did and returned to the place that caused you some problems…..getting rid of those bad associations is worth it!

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    • I’m so glad too! We had a lovely vacation this year, and it was just what we needed. I’m hoping you’re right about the clear sailing for a while….for all of us! We deserve it after the last couple of years!

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  29. Phew. I’m so glad you had a wonderful and relaxing time. I leave for vaca on Wednesday, and with everything in turmoil once again, I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Congrats to your husband too. That’s amazingly wonderful news worth celebrating. 🙂

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    • I really hope you get to go! Some areas are already over the worst of the surge, whereas others are just beginning. For us, the key is to simply behave in your new location just as you do at home: (masking, social distancing, etc.) We figure that way, the risk on vacation isn’t any higher than the risk at home, and at least you get a change of scenery. Plus, if you go somewhere you can spend a lot of time outside, that helps a lot!

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  34. I’m so glad you went and loved you went C-Free! My husband and and were just talking about planning something this spring after his 3 month tests from his last chemo. We remain confident in the LORD we will get the same happy news! Might have to check this place out too! Thanks for the positive and uplifting blog!

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  37. Hooray hooray hooray. I was holding my breath halfway through the post. I have felt the same way. A lot of times my instincts are right but sometimes my instincts are just my head worrying too much. I am so glad that you had such a fabulous warm and happy week. 💜

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    • It really is! We’ve vacationed on Marco Island many times, with only good results. One bad year, and I was willing to give it up! How sad was that? I’m so glad we went and now have erased those bad memories!

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