Reality Check

/ Ann Coleman

They say every cloud has a silver lining, and I believe that is true.  We all know how much damage this pandemic has brought, so there’s no need for me to rehash that, especially since I believe we’re all on “negative news overload” these days.  But I have learned a few things from this situation, and some of those lessons will serve me well long after this whole mess is over and done with.

For one thing, I will never again let my house be without a month’s supply of disinfectant, a freezer full of food, and tons of toilet paper.  Before 2020, I thought that the way to prepare for a natural disaster was to have an adequate supply of flashlights, batteries, water and, if at all possible, a generator.  If a snowstorm was predicted, I added bread and milk to that list.  But this year, I’ve learned that the way to react to an new virus is to rush out and buy all the toilet paper I can cram into my shopping cart, as long as I leave room for a container of sanitizing wipes.

I’ve discovered that wearing a face mask isn’t as uncomfortable as I had thought, especially once I found some that fit right.  (I’m not sure why I thought they’d be “once size fits all,” since faces certainly aren’t.)  And as an added bonus, I’ve learned that when you’re a woman of a certain age, a face mask can hide a whole lot of things.  Suffice it to say that I don’t have many wrinkles on my forehead, so really, a face mask isn’t such a bad look for me.  If I could just get one that comes with an anti-aging cream on the inside of it, I’d be all set.

I’ve learned that politicians aren’t afraid to take advantage of a bad situation in order to get free publicity, especially during an election year.  I suspect that most of the daily press briefings we’re seeing will last at least until November, even if this virus doesn’t.  I’ve learned that some people don’t believe in following the rules, no matter how dire the situation happens to be.  I already knew that many of us have a hard time listening to different opinions, but I’ve learned that when people are frustrated and afraid, their levels of intolerance can skyrocket.  And since the things we say and do now are going to be remembered for a long time, it’s best to choose wisely.

But the most important thing I’ve learned is how much of what we think and feel during a crisis comes from our own particular situation and the circumstances we and our loved ones are in.  As the saying goes, “We’re all in the same storm, but we’re not all in the same boat.”  The pandemic and its quarantines are hurting everybody, but in different ways and to different degrees.  Some of us are on a big ocean liner, barely feeling the waves.  Others are in a tiny rowboat with no oars, being tossed around in the water and having no idea how, or if, we’re going to survive this.  And most of us are somewhere in between those two extremes.

So at the risk of sounding like a broken record, all I can say is this:  now is the time to be gentle with ourselves, and accepting of our emotions.  It’s the time to be tolerant of others and to think before we speak, post, or act.  It’s a time to be brave, even when facing very real fears.  Because when we’re moving toward an uncertain future, as almost all of us are, one of the few things we know for certain is that kindness, compassion and wisdom helps.  It always has, and it always will.

81 thoughts on “Reality Check”

  1. This is on point 💯 Great job! Even I have a written a few articles (thanks to lockdown) related to my lessons in corona, would be glad if you check them out and share your feedback 💫

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kindness, compassion and wisdom… hmmm, who does that sound like?

    Hint: “intensely loyal friend” and “great sense of humor”?

    Still need more hints… “great humanitarian” and “selfless volunteer for shelter dogs”….

    Still need more hints?

    I give up!! 🙂

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    • Well, until you got to the point about volunteering at a dog shelter, you were doing a great job of describing yourself, Bomi! But thank you for your kind words. I can’t wait until we can all get together again!

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    • I know! I get that news media needs a big audience in order to make money through advertising, but it really bothers me that they do it by stressing the negative and encouraging conflict, because those things are so bad for society as a whole. And not very good for individuals either. We shouldn’t have to protect ourselves from news sources in order to stay sane and happy, but sadly, that’s what it has come to. Thanks for that comment, Peter…I couldn’t agree more!

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  4. Wonderful post Ann, wise and true words and I particularly like your analogy of being in a boat. We’re certainly not in a rowboat over here but I can definitely emphasise with those who are. Yes, kindness, compassion and wisdom is what we need right now. We will get through this. Take care and sending hugs. xx

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    • Thanks, Miriam! We’re doing okay as well, but I can’t help but feeling so sorry for all those who are suffering from this pandemic…whether because of the actual virus or from the restrictions. I do believe we’ll get through this too, and I hope that we will retain some of the lessons we’ve learned about slowing down and helping each other too!

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    • That’s a good point, Larry! I was worried at first that it would be hard to communicate with people who have masks on, but you’re right: the eyes reveal more than enough. So we’re good.

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  8. Once again, Ann, spot on with some wise words. The new angst I have noticed of late surrounds mask on/mask off. For some reason certain people are put-out by those wearing a mask, while others are put-out by those not wearing masks. I just don’t get it. Why spent negative energy over someone’s choice concerning mask-wearing? Better yet, why be bothered at all? Being grateful for surviving should crunch odd notions against masks or anti-masks. Truly, I feel it shows a lack of a thankful heart when a mask, or unmasked face, brings harsh words. Okay, I’m over it now. Enough said. Lol. God’s grip to us all. -Alan

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    • I agree, Alan! It sometimes seems as if we are just looking for things to argue about these days, which is the last thing we should be doing. If we want to get through this as a society, we need to look for ways to support each other, not tear each other down! And I agree….God’s grip on all of us!

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    • I know! I was just planning to go buy some more disinfecting wipes (we use them when we travel on planes and in hotel rooms) when this all hit, and suddenly they were nowhere to be found! Luckily, I had some under the kitchen sink that lasted me until the stores began to stock them again.

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  10. ouch sounds like elections have really heated up over there … here it’s just a great excuse to become more authoritarian and territorial …
    kindness love compassion respect and wisdom should be our goals!

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    • Yeah, one silver lining about this was that we got a short break from the election rhetoric for a little while, but now it is back, and the pandemic is sort of being used as a tool by some. We also have the problem of some using it as an excuses to increase their power and scope…sadly. But, all we can do is practice what we know is really needed. And thank goodness lots of people are doing that too!

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  12. This was a lovely read Ann and understanding of how others may be reacting. I have moments of being up and down and know I need to ride it out as I really have nothing to worry about. I love this sentence and I needed to hear it this morning: now is the time to be gentle with ourselves, and accepting of our emotions. Thank you!

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    • You’re so welcome! I think when a crisis hits, we start telling ourselves how we “should” be reacting and feeling, and all that does is make us feel guilty for not being as strong as we want to be. But really, we need to just accept our emotions and realize there’s nothing weak about being upset, anxious, or anything else for that matter. The kinder we are to ourselves and others, the easier it is to cope. Thanks for your comment!

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    • Thanks, Lorie! You’re right, hope is what keeps us going. The remarks that I find myself reacting badly to are the ones that seem to be designed to take away hope…..I don’t handle that well, and need to redirect my thoughts and emotions when that happens. As to the face masks, yes! A definite silver lining, as far as I’m concerned. (And a lot cheaper than a face lift! Ha!)

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  15. Ann, I like your boat analogy. We are all experiencing this pandemic very differently. It is important to seek to understand others. A good habit regardless of circumstances. ❤️Love goes a long way.

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  16. The metaphor of different vessels is astute. Your post reminds me of a wisecrack read somewhere on the Internet: The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. Mind your steps.

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  19. Sheltering-at-home meant that I needed to be able to rustle up meals fairly well and quickly for my husband and kids. I’m not the world’s greatest cook by a long mile and when it comes to baking, I need more luck and prayers than the next person but more than 20 years of married life and almost daily cooking had prepared me for these long weeks when all the restaurants here were closed but family members’ appetites were burgeoning by the day. If someone had told me before that I’d be cooking the way I did, I’d have laughed my head off. Now, never a day goes by that I don’t thank God that He put me through 20 plus years of cooking school. It has been a joy to cook for the family and a greater joy to see that they’ve enjoyed their meals (mostly).

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    • I’m so glad that you’ve found that silver lining! Sometimes we have talents we didn’t know about until we’re called upon to use them. And how nice that you’re enjoying cooking for your family now…I’m betting that they enjoy all the meals, too. There’s something so special in having someone we love cook for us, I think.

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  21. I can identify with every point you made in this post, Ann. The sense of being in this together was heartening in the beginning but that feeling didn’t last very long. We may be not even be half way through this situation and I think it may takes years to sort out what really happened. I agree that tolerance and bravery are needed now as we head into uncharted waters.

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    • Yes, I think tolerance and courage are needed in almost equal parts…the unknown is scary. I also agree that it will be a long time before history decides how all these events are recorded. I comfort myself with the knowledge that there have been crises before this one, and that they eventually ended and life got back to somewhat normal. There were certainly changes, and there probably will be this time, too, but people did start enjoying their lives again. That’s where the patience comes in, I believe!

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  22. Yes. There are so many who are terrified and others who are completely oblivious. I guess I’m in the middle with the majority of folks. I’m praying for kindness and compassion to squeeze out the selfishness and intolerance….

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    • I think most of us are in the middle as well, and it makes the most sense to me. Personally, I take this virus seriously and use caution, but I’m not willing to live in fear of it. But it’s not up to me to tell anyone else how to react, and so that’s where the the patience and compassion come in. I’m praying for more of that too!

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  23. So much is uncertain at this time but there is one thing that has not changed, kindness, patience & tolerance are key in living this life. May we all learn to practice a wee bit more through this pandemic 💕

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    • I agree, Lynn, and hope that we do all learn to practice it a bit more. It’s hard to be our best selves during a pandemic, but it really is the way we’ll get through this with the least damage done. Thanks for your comment!

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  25. Excellent thoughts. I really enjoyed this.

    For me I’ve gotten a glimpse to peoples true nature. For example: I had no idea the little lady who lives just down the road is a full blown conspiracy theorist. Did you know this was all planned decades ago? Just ask her.

    I have seen the best and worst in people. Mostly good and most of all patient. Most of us understand we will have to make changes in the future. Some things will never be the same but that’s okay. We’re strong enough to accept those changes.

    Except for my neighbor……deep sigh…..

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    • Thanks, Bryan! And yes, I do think we get a glimpse into our true personalities and other’s too when it comes to a crisis like this. I agree that some things will be the same when this is over, and other things won’t (remember how 9/11 changed air travel for good?), but that we really are strong enough to deal with those changes. As for the conspiracy theories, I know what you mean! I’ve heard everything from people saying they aren’t going to get the vaccine when it comes out because it will have a tracking chip in it, to someone posting that the only reason politicians want to open businesses back up is to kill off the underclass so they won’t have to pay welfare anymore. It’s enough to make you wonder what really goes on in some people’s minds!

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  26. I like your saying about the storm and the boats. It is so true and the way this whole pandemic affected differently each and one of us. And I also agree that we need to accept our emotions. I personally think that our emotions are ingrained in us to help us survive. Yes, and of course kindness and compassion go a long way.

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    • That’s an excellent point, Svet! I do think our emotions are a part of our DNA, and their purpose is to help us survive. Which makes it even more important to accept them and recognize them so we can work through them. And I think that when we accept our own feelings, it’s so much easier to accept the feelings of others too. Because we do need to remember that both the actual virus and the quarantines have affected us differently. Thanks for that comment!

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  27. Great post, Ann! Interesting how our perspective has changed about what a disaster might be and how we prepare for it. I often wonder if we will always feel the need to not be without certain items or if that fear will subside in time. With everything in this world that creates anxieties, being secure in some things was always a good feeling to have. Hopefully, in time, it will return for all of us. But you’re right, there are many lessons learned these past few months.

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    • Thanks, George! I do think that we’ll get through this, and that life will be mostly good again…which face it, was what it was before this virus struck. (It’s so easy for me to start thinking everything was fine before this hit, but of course that’s not true.) I think there will be some permanent changes, but that overall, things will eventually be okay. Meanwhile, if we can remember some of the important lessons this time has taught us, all the better. I hope you and yours stay healthy and well!

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  28. Thank you for another thought-provoking post. It’s true that the way politicians have reacted to this situation all over the world has been disillusioning. Often, decisions are made for the good of careers (or possible careers) and not always for the good of people. Heavy sigh! A nice reminder, Ann, that when we can’t change our situation and what others do or how they react, we can change ourselves. We can be understanding of other’s feelings, we can extend an extra measure of grace, and we can be a little more kind. Take care!

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    • Oh, exactly, Brenda! At a time when one would hope politicians would rise above the fray, they are mostly choosing sides with an eye towards either being elected or getting reelected, and not always choosing what is best for society as a whole. And that is depressing. But all we can do is control our own behavior, and hope that our “light” shines brightly enough to vanquish at least some of the darkness. Thanks for the comment!

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  29. I agree with all you’ve said here. This is not the time to get down on ourselves for being human and humane. I see and understand why people are behaving badly, but I won’t go that route myself. Model the behavior you want to see in the world. Good advice, always. Thanks for writing this.

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  32. Ann-

    I needed to read this today! I haven’t posted a blog in awhile and although I have written a few (in my head, aren’t they always the best ever?) I just haven’t felt right about posting. Feeling a bit guilty that my situation is more like the cruise ship compared to all of you in the states. So, how to deal with it? I donated every single last dime of my $1200.00 stimulus check to organizations, individuals, and causes that I knew needed money at this unfortunate time.
    It was my way of easing the pain caused by the cruel comments, the bad karma of the unknown, the best way to combat the fear that people feel. I know several people that are even out of the boat with only a PFD on braving the waves as they are tossed through this crisis. So sending a small rope is a bit of hope even if it is ever so small it can make the difference.
    Please keep yourself and your family healthy as possible.
    I am thinking my mask needs to be a complete neck cover as well as all I could see when I put my mask on was all my neck wrinkles (OMG!!!)😂

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    • First of all, I’ve met you and I don’t remember wrinkles!! But I have to say that the first place I noticed my own wrinkles was on my neck, so I’m thinking they need to invent a face mask that also covers the neck. I know I’d wear it!
      But seriously, I love what you did with your stimulus check. That is exactly the sort of thing that will help us all cope with, and recover from, this pandemic. If everyone who can afford to donate their check does so, it will make a huge difference. It also helps if we can continue to pay those whose services we can’t use temporarily (hair-dressers, dog sitters, etc.) and if we get take out regularly from our favorite restaurants. Anything we can do, no matter how small, is sending a “small rope” to someone who is adrift in the giant waves. Thanks for sharing that!!

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      • Awesome. I needed to see your reply today. Long hard day and just needed a pick me up before I fall into bed exhausted. Stay healthy and happy and maybe I will crank out a post this weekend. News from my home state is disturbing and is zapping all my creative juices.

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  35. We’re all in the same storm, but we’re not all in the same boat. That is a saying I didn’t know, but I will remember it. I agree with you, that most news are presented with a political agenda in mind. Here in UK it seems that journalists can’t made the difference between death toll and death rate. They are so concerned with stupid questions and non-issues, instead of asking doctors and experts why we have such a high death toll here and consider diet, exercise, hygiene, and things like that, something that would actually help the people instead of making them annoyed and scared.

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    • I can relate so much! I get so annoyed watching the news, because they don’t ask the questions I would like answered, and we have the same problem with the big issues being ignored and the focus being on the unimportant stuff. A few states are doing a good job of reporting everything in an understandable way but most are not. In many cases, the news seems designed to scare rather than inform, and I believe that people who are truly informed make much better choices, while many are just tuning out the news because they don’t believe it’s reliable. It’s a mess for sure!

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  36. Such an excellent post Ann and so many great comments! When we handle life with grace…compassion and kindness for others, things go so much better. We never really know what someone else is going through…Thank you for the wisdom you bring to this current situation. We must help one another through this turbulent time. It will get better and we need to remember that. It is hard to be patient and yet, patience is what we need more than ever.

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    • You’re so right, Linda! Things will get better eventually….we’ve had pandemics before, and other huge tragedies and disasters….we just need to be patient. And meanwhile, kindness and compassion make things so much easier to endure. If we could just remember to try to help each other rather than tearing each other down, so many things would improve dramatically!

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  39. I’d agree how we think or feel about the pandemic is relative to our situation. But that was true before the pandemic as well, and for many people their situation isn’t that much different. I think the newly unemployed would be the ones with the biggest struggles. Especially if they were the sort to live hand to mouth, either by choice or by circumstance (and there is a difference.)

    In any case, now is not the time to be sowing conflict. Rather, the opposite it true. “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” – Abe Lincoln.

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    • I agree, Dave! And I guess what I was referring to was how often I am seeing people tell others how they ought to be feeling and reacting to this pandemic and the lock downs. It’s so easy to forget that they are reacting differently because it effects them differently. I love that quote…it seems so apt right now, when we seem to be in danger of not standing.

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