A Day to Remember

/ Ann Coleman

I turned 62 yesterday, which in normal times is not a birthday that would be particularly memorable.  But these are not normal times.

I woke up early on my birthday,  and for the first time in weeks, I didn’t immediately remember that we’re in the middle of a pandemic that has my area in an indefinite lock down.  I even forgot my current personal worries.  For just a moment, life seemed normal and good.  Which made it all the harder when reality hit, and my mood took a definite nosedive.

j8F7xtuZS+OVv0b2HB7YNABut it was still a fine Spring day, and my phone began beeping with texts and calls from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday.  My son and his wife had a gorgeous basket of flowers delivered, and my daughter and grandson dropped by with gifts.   My husband gave me lovely roses, a cake and several cards. (Including one from our dog, Finn, with a note from Finn explaining that between the shelter-at-home order and his heart worm treatment, he wasn’t able to shop for my gift this year…..but hoped that he would be allowed to have a slice of my birthday cake anyway.)

Friends left gifts of wine and flowers on our doorstep, then lingered in the front yard for a chat while I stood on the porch.  It was so good to see their faces for the first time in weeks, and I can’t begin to say how much I appreciated their thoughtfulness.  Later, my husband got take-out food from one of our favorite restaurants and then let me beat him at three straight card games.  I know he let me win, because he has the ability to remember every single card that has been played and to calculate the odds accordingly, while I’m doing good to remember what game we’re playing.  When I get tired of losing so much, I play solitaire…and cheat, just so I can experience the “thrill of victory” for a change.

In more ways that I have time to list, my birthday was a good day.  But I would be lying to say that it was a completely good day, because no matter how hard I tried not to think about them, my worries and frustrations never totally went away.   I also felt a bit guilty for not feeling 100% happy in the face of so much love and support.

Sometimes it’s so hard to allow ourselves to be human, and to feel anxious, afraid or frustrated, or any of the emotions that come when our world has been turned upside down and no one knows what the future will bring.  But if this year’s birthday celebration has taught me anything, it’s that it’s not only possible to feel conflicting emotions during these times, but that it’s perfectly okay.

We’re allowed to feel grateful for the support of our friends and family and still be worried about the millions of people who have suddenly found themselves unemployed.  It’s okay to be afraid of catching this virus and still long to gather with our loved ones.  Life these days is nothing but a mixture of contradicting emotions, and I think that’s actually a normal response to these abnormal days in which we live.

So when I think back on my 62nd birthday, I think I’ll remember a lot of things.  I’ll remember feeling frustrated as the weeks of sheltering at homes stretches into months.  I’ll remember the love of friends and family who went out of their way to make my birthday a special day.  I’ll remember feeling so very sorry for those who are suffering from this virus, in any form.  But mostly, I’ll remember that even in these difficult times, lots of good things still happen and lots of good people are trying very hard to help others cope.  Which means that in all the important ways, this was a memorable birthday after all…..

126 thoughts on “A Day to Remember”

  2. Happy Birthday from all your blogging friends on WordPress!

    You are only 62? I thought you were just a pup. 🙂 And speaking of puppies, sorry to hear that Finn couldn’t get out to shop – but you know he loves you anyway. 🙂

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  4. Ann! Congratulations on turning 62!!! Usual times but the accomplishment of staying healthy and making it to 62 is to be celebrated. So glad Finn came up with an explanation for his lack of gift.

    Stay safe and happy in the next few months.

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  5. A very happy belated birthday! Amidst all that is going on, it’s natural to feel such things. But hope you’re doing well and enjoy this time w your loving family. Lots of smiles!

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  7. Happy Birthday, Ann! And oh, how beautifully you made it through your day. You have such a remarkable balance, which continues to stand you in good stead as the world is so out of balance. So here’s my gift to you: I play an online Solitaire game that has three choices: Easy, Medium and Hard. Easy and Medium are winnable every time. Hard, you’re back where you started. I’ve been playing it for several years, (You can play a lot of solitaire when you’re grieving.) figured out some of the tricks, and have completed almost 79,000 wins in a row! And all that while still living a full life! If you want to try it, it’s Solitaire, Version 7.9 by People Fun Inc. And tell Finn, we all understand.

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  9. Happy Birthday Ann! Sometimes we can pressure ourselves into having to feel a certain way on special days, like on our wedding day, at Christmas celebrations, etc. I wish! It’s not always so easy to slip into contentment just like that. Perhaps you could choose a date in around six months time to celebrate your birthday in your own way and plan something special to mark the occasion. Call it something like Ann’s Day of Indulgence! It’ll give you something to look forward to on the other side. Best wishes x

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  11. Happy Birthday, Ann.
    I’m so pleased you had a lovely day.
    And thank you so much for your wonderful comments
    in response to my daughter’s guest blog
    on my site. Much appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hi Ann and Happy Birthday – you really hit on all the emotions we are all feeling. But you are also right that good things continue to happen during this pandemic. That’s something to remember! (Book Club Mom)

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  13. Happy birthday, Ann! I am glad to hear that in your special day you were still surrounded with family and friends! I am used to have mixed feelings so I just accept it as part of me. Wish you many wonderful years of blogging.

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    • That’s a very wise attitude to have, Svet. I think most of us have mixed feelings at times, and this situation brings them out even more. It’s so much wiser to acknowledge them and accept them, I think. And thanks for the birthday wishes!

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  15. Happy belated birthday Ann. And yes I’ve no doubt this one will be a birthday to remember. Sounds like you have a lot of love around you. May you be blessed with many more birthdays, in which you’ll get to hug your loved ones in person. Take care. xx 🌸💖🎂

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  18. Happy Birthday Ann, glad to hear so many pitched in to remind you of how wonderful and appreciated you are!

    You are right, it’s ok to have conflicting emotions and that could be very stressful for many as we have to sit and face them with so little distraction. But this too will pass 🙂

    Today my best friend is coming to celebrate my birthday, this month, but even she doesn’t know the date! She is driving two hours, 4 hours return trip, which we are allowed to now … how sweet is that 🙂

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    • That is a wonderful birthday gift, Kate!!! I’m so glad she’s coming and so happy for you! It was wonderful just chatting to my friends from afar, and I can’t wait until we can be in the same room together, sitting down to a meal. Thanks for being such an encouraging and calming voice through all this.

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  22. We are almost birthday twins as mine was the 1st! Happy birthday! I like your explanation of conflicting emotions in the same day. I’m experiencing the same thing. We’ll just keep going at it and talking about it and helping others when we can.

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    • Happy Belated birthday, Lorie! And yes, I think we do just have to keep talking about what we’re feeling (it helps us to understand our emotions, I think) and to keep helping others by listening to them and cheering them up whenever we can. If we can keep doing that, we will still be okay when we come out the other side!

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  27. Those beeps and calls, odd gifts and flowers left at your doorsteps, games of cards where you are subtly allowed to win, and heartfelt wishes are the stars that light up the darkness of times. Many happy returns of all that sparkle minus the gloom.

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    • Thanks for the birthday wishes! And I know what you mean…I think it might be a good idea to just have a big celebration for your 41st birthday instead!! But here’s hoping your 40th is as good as it can possibly be. And who knows? Things could be a lot better a month from now!

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        • Yeah, it’s hard to plan anything these days, isn’t it? Here St. Louis, we’ve completed seven weeks of lock down with another week and a half to go. But even then, the restrictions are simply being eased a bit, and it’s not going to be anything like normal. I suspect normal is a long, long way off!

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  34. Happy belated Birthday! May your 63rd birthday be just as joyful and rewarding as your 62nd but without the worries of the depressing pandemic. The flood of congratulations on your blog must have given you a big boost, Ann. Best wishes! Peter

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your good wishes, Peter!! That’s exactly what I hope for too. And you’re right, so many people leaving birthday wishes and words of encouragement has cheered me up enormously!

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  35. Happy birthday, Ann. You certainly are blessed to have so much family to celebrate with you. At 73, my family’s all gone, save for one aunt and three cousins, and the aunt is hanging on at 93! I’d planned to go visit her this spring, but that’s still iffy at this point. Here’s to making do with what we have, and enjoying life. If my 93 year old aunt can manage to learn how to video chat, anything’s possible!

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    • I’m so sorry! One of the hardest things about aging is losing so many friends and family. But I think your aunt is a true inspiration to the rest of us. I think it’s so important to keep learning new things all our lives and to be open to new experiences. Thanks for sharing that, and for the sweet birthday wishes!

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      • Here’s a funny story about my mother. No one in her family had lived past 65, and she was sure she would be gone by 65, too. Then, the birthday came and went. She perked up a bit, and life went on. When she turned 70, she said, “Well, I never.” At 75, she was a little perplexed. As we cruised past 80, 85, and 90, she started getting a little irritated, saying, “Enough is enough!” But the good news is she was healthy and living in her own apartment until the last five weeks of life. I hope I’m part of the same gene pool!

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  36. Wishing you birthday blessings! You are a beautiful soul… Thank you for sharing so much of what all of us feel. We are in a space in time where we have nothing but conflicting emotions…and that is normal! How could it be otherwise with the state of the world being what it is? Still, as we walk this walk together, we are all aware of just how much it means to support one another…love may come with baskets on the porch for our birthday when what we really wanted was a hug. Love is love, and we are finding new ways to express that…I suppose that in itself is a beautiful thing.

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    • That’s an excellent point, Linda! Love is love, even when it isn’t expressed in the ways we were looking for. We do need to be very adaptable at this point, and to figure out new ways of staying in touch. My husband and I had an hour-long Facetime chat with an other couple last night. It wasn’t as nice as seeing them in person, but it was still fun and we felt so much better afterwards. Someday our topsy-turvy world will right itself, and until then, we just do the best we can!

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  37. I’m with you on this one, Ann. I’m positive this birthday may just be one of the most memorable. I’ll be turning 60 in a few days. I’ll test myself then. Lol. Happy memories, Ann. God’s grip – Alan

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  38. Happy Birthday. I’m glad it was a good one in its own way. Perhaps in retrospect it’ll be one of your most special ones, remembering who made the effort to be with you when it meant the most to you.

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    • You’re absolutely right, Ally. I will remember the friends who stopped by, knowing I couldn’t invite them in, and the far away friends who called, and all the people that managed to buy a card and send it in the middle of the restrictions. That is the kind of thing that can’t help but cheer us up. Thank you!

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  39. Happy Birthday, Ann! I’m glad you were able to experience happiness and love from those around you on this day. This will all pass, but those special memories of a day unlike any other will remain forever. Stay well..:)

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  41. Happy Belated Birthday! Good on your husband for letting you win a game on your birthday, Ann. I hope 62 turns out to be one of the best years yet for you.

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  42. Ann,
    You got some really nice gifts there but the best part of your birthday is who you are as a person and how you’ve (unconsciously) chosen to be a gift to so many people.

    Still, as you expressed it so simply and honestly, even a birthday doesn’t mean you have to bite back the grumps and the sadness and the longing for all the nice old things of our old lives. We’re not wired to do cotton-candy 24/7. It’s alright to feel frustrated, even to cry a little, because what we are facing is difficult. Some days we can feel so much for others, some days our sphere is the extent of our sight. Even God understands that.

    Being 62 and being able to give yourself permission to be real in a way that isn’t selfish and doesn’t hurt others is truly a beautiful point to arrive at.

    Happy Birthday, Ann.

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    • Thanks so much! I think you’re right, we’re not hard-wired to be happy all the time, or to ignore the very real challenges that we’re facing. So some days we’re going to be a bit down, and we need to accept that. Other days, we’re strong and giving, and that’s a good thing. And I love your advice about understanding that being real isn’t being selfish….I’ve always struggled a bit with that one!

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  43. Happy belated birthday, Ann. You had a better birthday than I have on a non-virus year. Lol. What thoughtfulness all around you!
    But I know exactly what you mean about that underlying stress (I think). It’s hard to completely rid myself of this layer of gloom, not because I’m struggling, but because there’s so much uncertainty and risk, and even more so, because so many people are suffering – with illness, grief, isolation, and financial hardship. Anyone with any empathy is going to feel the shared stress. And yes, that is okay, that’s what makes us human. ❤ ❤ ❤ Take care.

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    • Thank you! I think you’re right, part of the grief we feel is for all the others who are suffering in so many different ways. And if we feel sorry for ourselves, we think we’re being selfish. If we are grateful for the fact that we haven’t been too badly hurt by this virus, then we also think we’re being selfish…..so it’s sort of a lose/lose proposition! That’s why I’m trying to learn to be more patient and accepting of myself and others as we navigate these strange times.

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  44. Aww I’m sorry I’m late with this but…

    🌹🎉🌹🎉🌹🎉🌹 HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY!! 🌹🎉🌹🎉🌹🎉🌹

    62 years young. I bet the world doesn’t look like anything you could have ever imagined for your birthday this year, but I’m glad you could forget about the pandemic, albeit briefly. It’s lovely that you’ve been able to keep in touch with friends and family and have had gifts and flowers dropped off. Just shows how much you are loved.

    And I think your point here is so, so important. I hate that I end up feeling guilty so often for not being okay, as though I’m selfish or ungrateful for having negative feelings when they ‘should’ be positive. We’re human and we just don’t function like that. It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling, no matter if it’s conflicted or not what others ‘think’ you should be feeling.

    Sending lots of love your way  ♥
    Caz xx

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    • Thank you for the birthday wishes, Caz! And yes, I think we all need to get over feeling guilty for not being positive about this situation. I’m really beginning to resent all those television commercials that show how much fun we’re all having in this quarantine situation (living rooms are now playgrounds! dining rooms are now offices with “extra staff”..showing a smiling dad in front of his computer with an adorable toddler on his lap…etc.) The truth is, quarantine is hard on people, emotionally, mentally and most of all, financially. We’re all just doing the best we can as our societies struggle to cope with this virus, and we need to give each other permission to be honest about our feelings and thoughts…even when we disagree, which we’re going to. Thanks so much for validating what I have finally learned! You are a very wise person…..

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  45. Happy Birthday!!
    I can imagine it was quite hard. My husband and I had an anniversary these days and I felt annoyed that we can’t do anything, like going out or on a weekend away as we planned, but, at the same time, I was annoyed that I’m not happy that both of us are healthy. So, I completely understand your frustration.

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    • Yes, I think the problem with having a celebration during these times is that the changes that we are living under really hit home more than they do on a normal day. It’s hard not to feel guilty when part of our mind can’t quite let go of our frustration and fear, even when we’re celebrating. But that’s just normal! We need to cut ourselves some slack, I think. When it is allowed, I’m having a dinner with my whole family to celebrate my birthday…and I’m hoping that you and your husband will have a nice and normal celebration as soon as it’s safe to do so too!

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  46. Dear Ann, Belated birthday wishes to you. You summed it up so well by saying it is okay to have contradictory emotions. It is okay to feel trapped and claustrophobic along with feeling grateful about being alive. It is okay to miss everything that was a possibility before all of this began and still count our blessings. I was getting tired of trying to stay positive at all times. When I gave myself the permission to sulk, staying positive became easier. Thank you for bringing up this topic Ann.

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    • Thanks for your affirming comment! None of us can be positive all the time, even in the best of situations, never mind a world-wide pandemic and forced quarantines. We just need to allow ourselves to feel what we feel and think what we think. The important thing is to be gentle with ourselves and with others. I’m trying very hard not to be judgemental of anyone, because that just makes it worse.

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  48. Happy belated birthday, Ann. I am happy that your family and friends (including Finn), were able to help you celebrate. There isn’t really much to toast these days, but knowing you is a great reason to throw a party. Continued good health and high spirits!

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    • Thank you so much, Joe! I was so very blessed to have so many people help make the day as good as it could be, given the circumstances. And all the birthday wishes from my blogging friends help too. Thank you and I hope you and your family are happy and well!

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  49. Happy belated birthday, Ann! I’m so glad you were celebrated in lovely ways. Those memories will stay after all this is over. I certainly understand the overshadowing of conflicting emotions during this time, the up and down feelings. Each day is like a dance; relief, anxiety, sadness, joy, confusion, and just plain nervousness for the unknown future. I ebb and flow, back and forth. Thank you for the reminder that it’s okay to feel, that I’m not the only one. Stay safe and stay well!

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    • Me too! My emotions are all over the place, and exactly has you describe. I think that is normal in these times, because face it: no one know how this is going to play out. Even the experts are just making their best guesses. That’s hard on the human psyche, especially when you add the enforced isolation on top of it. So I think we just have to give ourselves permission to feel what we feel, and to extend that to others as well. One way or another, we’re all just struggling to cope!

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    • Yes, and that makes it so hard! I don’t even think it’s possible to totally feel joy right now, because sadness, fear and frustration are always lurking at the back of our minds. And sometimes, they come charging to the front. Thanks for the birthday wishes!

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