Walking the Walk

/ Ann Coleman

When I started this blog three years ago, I had two simple goals.  First, I wanted it to be  a creative writing outlet where I could write honestly and openly about the topics that interested me.  Secondly, I wanted to make sure my blog was a positive place where everyone (including my readers) could share their opinions and beliefs without being attacked by others.  I wanted my blog to be a “hate-free” zone where disagreement was welcomed as long as it was respectful and civilized.  And luckily, that’s exactly the way it turned out.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I was actually starting to feel a little bit smug about how little negativity my blog attracted, congratulating myself on keeping the nastiness away.  But have you ever had one of those “aha” moments, when you finally realize something so obvious that you can’t believe you didn’t see it before?  Because that’s exactly what happened to me yesterday.

I was driving down the street, actually thinking of how happy I was that I had managed to keep my blog so positive and hate free for three years when a driver suddenly pulled out in front of me.  I slammed on my brakes and missed him, but I was still incredibly angry.  And I didn’t hesitate to express that anger through a series of words that were both ugly and hateful.  The fact that I was alone in the car with the windows rolled up didn’t really matter.  Whether or not anyone could hear what I said wasn’t the point.  The point was that I finally realized that even though I had managed to create a hate-free blog, I most certainly wasn’t living a hate-free life.

I couldn’t help but wonder just exactly how different my life would be if I became just a bit more intentional about trying to keep hatred and anger out of my own heart.  I’m not naive enough to think that I will never get angry again, or that I won’t resent people I believe have done me wrong, or even that I can simply decide that I’ll never feel hateful again.  I’m sure I’ll do all those things, despite my best efforts.

But still, I know I can do better.  More importantly, I know that I want to do better.  I want to think twice before I open my mouth in anger.  When I feel slighted by someone, I want to try to look at things from their point of view rather than immediately feeling sorry for myself.  And when I feel hate stirring in my heart, I want to ask myself if I really want hateful feelings to be a permanent part of who I am.  Because hatred hurts the one who harbors it just as much as it hurts its target.

For the past three years, I’ve managed to keep hatred, pettiness, resentment, etc. out of my blog, and I’ve been very happy with the result.  So I think it’s time that I at least start trying to do the same thing with the rest of my life.

125 thoughts on “Walking the Walk”

  1. It’s a great idea, Ann, but – and I hope you won’t regard this as particularly negative – I don’t think it’s a good idea. Anger is a normal, natural response. If you get rid of it completely – you won’t be living a very natural life. Better, perhaps, to look at the associations you have to anger… after all, getting angry at a driver who startles you is different from starting a war.

    Liked by 14 people

    • Thanks for your comment, Val! Actually, I guess I wasn’t clear enough. I don’t mean I want to stifle my anger, I mean I don’t want to feel so free to lash out in anger. Anger is an emotion that shows up according to it’s own terms. But I get to choose when and where I act on it, and I do think that giving into anger too often is a problem. And it has been my experience that anger tends to grow more anger, until we get to the point where we are drowning in it. So yes, I will allow myself to feel angry. But I want to take that anger out on others much less often.

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      • Unless you’re 90 per cent different offline than online, I don’t perceive you as the sort of person who would take your anger to extremes on a daily basis, so I don’t think – and didn’t think when I commented – that you’re actually in danger of becoming what you seem to fear. 🙂

        Also – congrats on not having people’s anger in your posts. Once they start… urgh, they’re hard to stop. (Been there, experienced that, it’s not nice.)

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  2. I think there’s true hate and then there is normal negative human emotion. Sometimes when I say a few angry words inside the safety of my car, it makes me feel better and doesn’t hurt anyone – as long as that’s where it ends. Yes, we “should” just let other’s rude behavior roll off our back, but I don’t think that is realistic. You have a very positive blog and, because of that, you attract positive followers. Don’t beat yourself up over a few less-than-desirable feelings… we all have them.

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    • Thanks! And I think I will always feel angry at drivers who put others in danger. But as I told Val, I just want to make sure that I’m not lashing out in anger when it’s not appropriate or helpful, because I do think that being angry can become our “go to” reaction to any kind of stress if we’re not careful. And having been the target of other people’s anger more than I would like, I really don’t want to pass that kind of behavior along. So I won’t beat myself up when I get angry, it’s going to happen and bottling it up isn’t healthy, I do want to be more intentional about how I respond to my angry emotions. I think that will be better for me as well as others. Thanks for your encouraging words!!!

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      • Yep. That’s the ticket. Not to be flip but I’ll say, “By George, I think you’ve got it.” Good luck. It’s not easy to find that balance. You don’t want to be like a pressure cooker building up till it has to blow. And thanks for providing a safe place. It’s nice.

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        • Thank you! And I agree that finding the balance isn’t always going to be easy, and I’m sure I’ll get it wrong more than once. But I comfort myself with the thought that at least I’m trying!

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  3. In response to your wonderful post – so fitting for the Advent season – I could add so much that I prefer to write my own post on this topic sometime in the new year. But a few words of encouragement are in order. You did a fine job keeping negativity and hatred out of your blog activity. That was always noticeable, even if you boldly wrote about the things that bothered you. The process of writing is also a process of self-reflection. Seeing the other side is the beginning of conquering many negative feelings. I wonder if I expressed myself clearly. All the best wishes for you and the family from the Klopp family in Canada!

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    • You expressed yourself just fine, Peter, and I feel as if you understood what I was trying to say! I have been pleasantly surprised by how people have responded to my writing, even when they didn’t agree or didn’t understand what I was trying to say (which would be my fault for not being clearer). And it makes me want to do better in other areas of my life, too.
      Best wishes to you and your family for a peaceful Christmas season!!!

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  4. The solution may be as simple as looking for possible explanations for irrational/thoughtless behavior. We are so quick to react to perceived stupidity/ignorance… but a little thought could well produce a reasonable explanation for the behavior.

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      • Absolutely, it isn’t about you. I had to repeat that to myself recently when I was verbally attacked for no good reason. My family reiterated and reinforced my feeling of shock. They all said the same thing. It isn’t about you. She’s dealing with personal issues and you were in the room when the last straw took her out. (of control, that is) I’m the type who wants to make things right and swap apologies but with this person, letting it go was best. You have to know who you’re dealing with at times. When to try to settle and when to let it go. It’s tough. Repeat after me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me.

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  5. It seems to me your Anger was justified so don’t beat yourself up. At least you can live Peacefully in your Negative free blog

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  6. Great thought provoking post Ann, I always enjoy reading your posts and look forward to the next. In my opinion you did your best in the moment but this post shows you are growing in awareness as this time you were able to capture how you felt, reflect on it and consider a new and improved perspective. This may not have been something you would have dreamed of doing before!

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    • I do think it was a little bit of a revelation to me that will encourage personal growth. I was so intentional about keeping hate and hostility out of my blog, but not nearly so intentional about keeping it out of my personal life. And while anger and hatred are two different things (I may have confused them a little when I wrote this post), I think that one can lead to the other. So I do want to become more aware of the areas where I’m giving into to negativity too easily in my own life. Thanks for the comment!

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      • Ann, thanks for your reply, What more can we hope for but to live and learn from it! We are a work in progress for sure!! And I agree there is a big difference between hatred and anger! I was triggered to feeling angry over the weekend myself and anger does nothing for us but tire us emotionally when it is unrestrained and agressive instead of being constrained effectively and used assertively! Again your post helped me reflect and was worth considering! Thanks for sharing!

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  7. Ann, I appreciate your honest reflection. I believe that all humans are meant to have emotions and the full range of feelings are a part of being alive. I admire your willingness to set a goal to be aware of anger and the toll it takes on your life, as well as others, when you send it out into the world. Your authentic quest is an inspiration for others and this world surely needs this kind of commitment.

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    • Thanks so much, Ali! You summed up perfectly about what I was trying to say. Of course I will still get angry from time to time, and there will be times when I need to express it. But that doesn’t mean I have an excuse to lash out each and every time something annoys me, and I don’t get to dismiss the effect my anger has on others. Too much anger isn’t good for anyone!

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  8. I am just with you, Ann. I had the same thought when I started my blog ‘only’ 4 months ago. I want to share something positive to the world. I have been journalling on my ego (anger, fear, sadness) for the last 2 years. I am journalibg eachband every situation in life that creates the feeling of ego. I realise that I am not hatred free (ego free) yet, some situation still influence me so much. So, I understand your story of being angry in the car. You are so honest, Ann. A lesson that I learn from journalling is that when I am open with myself of what I feel by writing it in a journal, I become easily open to others. And it is said writing is a healing. Thanks.

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    • Thank you! I think writing about our emotions is an excellent way to express them, and we have to choose which of those writings we want to share with others. But whether we write for ourselves or for our audience, I absolutely believe that being honest is the only way to go. It helps us work through our own feelings and it helps us connect with our readers. Good luck with your blog, and I admire that you are using it to share something positive with others!

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  9. Hi Ann, I really like this and I was just thinking the same thing about how positive and supportive wordpress is as a commumity, in my experience. I have blogged about a wide range of subjects, some of which probably seem quite strange, but I have experienced only support, nothing negative. It might help that I only write about my personal experience, don’t do politics or religion, and don’t tell other people what they should and shouldn’t do. Well I try not to anyway! Well done, I always find your blog to be personal, reflective, balanced and kind which is why you have such a nice readership. Keep up the good work!

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    • Thank you so much! Honestly, the Word Press community has given me so much hope that people actually can be kind and civil with each other. And I think you hit the nail on the head that the best way to connect with your readers is to write from your personal experience rather than trying to tell others what they should think or feel. Far better to write about what you think and feel, and why, because that opens the door for others to understand what you mean and possibly even agree. Best of luck in your blogging!

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      • Thank you, I intend devoting a lot more time and energy to blogging once I quit my job, plus I will have more interesting things to write about- travel, narrowboat living- rather than just my own internal ramblings (although I am sure they will still be there too!)!

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  10. There is always room for improvement. And anyway that you can add by way of more positive energy (i.e. less negative) to the mix will have an overall “trickle-down” effect for everyone.

    One small suggestion – set the bar low during the full moon. Which is tonight, as a matter of fact!

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    • Maggie, I always appreciate your sense of humor! And yes, I will keep the bar set low until this super moon is over. But seriously, I always knew that I would get more readers and attention if I wrote about controversial subjects and raged against whatever latest injustice was all over the news, but I really felt that there is more than enough anger, righteous or otherwise, on the internet already and I didn’t want to add to it. Far better to remind people that there is still plenty of good in the world, and that if we want to make things better, we need to start with our own words, attitudes and actions!

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      • You wrote “I always knew that I would get more readers and attention if I wrote about controversial subjects and raged against whatever latest injustice was all over the news,…” come on Coleman…really, more readers? …”but I really felt that there is more than enough anger, righteous or otherwise, on the internet already and I didn’t want to add to it.” Fess up, Ann, controversy and it’s consequence is just not your cup of tea. And that’s good by me. But if you ask me, it’s about time this site posted an articulate and high-minded rant.

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        • No, you were right the first time: controversy isn’t me. I’m more than capable of a good rant (just ask my husband), but afterwards I almost always feel bad and worry that I hurt someone’s feelings. So I tend to do my ranting only in private, or in front of just one or two people, which is not the case in my public blog. It’s just less stressful for me, and honestly I feel better when I connect with someone than when I argue with them. But thanks, as always for your comment, Doug. You are both perceptive and honest, which is one of the reasons you’re such a good writer.

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  11. What a great post, Ann, and a lovely intention you’ve voiced. Your words remind me that it’s not about the destination, but the journey. I doubt any of us will ever be as good or kind as we aspire to be, but living the intention with all our messy failings (and cuss words shouted in the privacy of our cars) is what makes us human. Perfection is boring … or so I’m told … having long given up on it. Thanks for making me think today!

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    • Thanks, Donna! I know I will never live up to my goals, but I think that just having the goal will help me improve. And I think what bothered me most about my reaction to the other driver wasn’t just the curse words that I uttered (sometimes a curse word or two really does take the edge off), it was the fact that I was so ready to rage at another human being who may have simply made a mistake and not seen me coming. I agree that being alone in a care is a safe place to vent, but I guess I wanted to feel just a little bit less ready to vent, if that makes sense. Mostly, I just want to make sure that I never get to the point where I’m angry all the time, and even worse, taking it out on others.

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  12. I’m with you! I think I understand what you mean . There’s righteous anger about injustice, for example. And then there’s bitching and complaining about stuff that can’t be changed. The driver scared you and your reaction was normal. Had you continued to bemoan the incident for hours after, that would be something else.

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  13. That’s an interesting post Ann; I think you are quite right to respond to a life-threatening situation like a bad driver with anger, as it’s a product of the adrenalin and cortisol your body is programmed to excrete. It is a correct response. And ‘venting’ should help to expel it. If however, you are still ruminating over the idiot driver 4 hours later, and take it out on your family at home, you really have to get a grip on that. None of us can ‘control’ negativity or misadventure, but yes, absolutely we can be mindful and sensitive in our reactions to it, without stifling our self-expression too. Blessings for safe driving, G

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    • That is an excellent distinction, and one that I was trying to make but didn’t quite achieve. I’ll probably always get angry in certain situations, and I’ll always need to vent now and then. But that doens’t mean I need to let anger take over to the point where it ruins my day and/or becomes an excuse to hurt other people. There’s a fine line to walk between the two extremes of bottling up our emotions and letting them rip whenever we feel like it. Thanks for pointing that out!

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  14. Hmmm…I hear ya. I agree about steering away from hatred. But sometimes I think it’s a good thing to express anger–even in our writing..because it’s a real part of all of us. When anger comes out, there’s an inner peace that sometimes follows. But maybe not? But maybe so? Yes? No? I can’t decide…

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    • I actually think you are right in that we do need to express our anger now and then. It does give us a release and allows us to calm down rather than stay keyed up and angry for hours, if not days. I just want to make sure that I remember that how I express my anger does impact others, and that I need to be careful about that. I also want to make sure I don’t become someone who is angry all the time, as that’s no way to live. I also like your point about how expressing our anger in writing can be helpful. I agree. Personally, I choose to do that in a more personal way rather than share it on my blog, because I don’t want my blog to become one long rant that serves no one. But writing it for myself, or sharing it only with a close friend can actually be a good release, I think. Thanks for the comment!

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      • I think rants are the bee’s knees. I like the way they sting. If one can’t righteously rant, they ain’t got any business buzzing around a blog. My kind of turf, the rant. And I’ve been known to often explore that territory. And I like it because a rant doesn’t have to respect boundaries.

        And it provides an emotional opportunity to roll verbal boulders at arbitrarily drawn borders. I think rants are good for geography. And I think rants are good for the soul. I think they overturn tables in temples, and have removed tyrants from power. ( well, often a catalyst) But….I think the best rant is the refined rant. To let the stew brew. Cool the blood boil. Tempering the temper to better tag its target.

        And you got the skills, Coleman, to on occasion do just that. And for three years I’ve wondered why you haven’t.

        Regards,
        Doug

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        • It’s just not me, honestly. I do have strong opinions and I voice them, but I’m just not impressed with rants anymore. To each his own, and you do them well, but I don’t want my blog to be about rants. I’ve had enough of them in my life and part of what I’m doing with this blog is creating the kind of space I want to live in. I agree that rants can be a catalyst for change, but I see them as only the first step, where far too many people stop. Real change requires real communication, usually compromise, and always growth of some sort of another. Although people being who we are, that would explain why we so rarely see real change….

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  16. I think being mindful of an action or reaction is positive. It is very hard with the stress of life to not get caught up in a stressful moment like you experienced. It’s real and so raw. I love your blog, the honesty, and how it is positive and a remarkable place to visit!

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  17. so poignant Ann! I can relate. When I get mad or angry – I think – is this how I want to be or how I want to be perceived? We can talk the talk, but are we walking the walk? It is a daily battle for us all, but the important thing is that we keep trying. Your reaction was quite normal – and human – and understandable! The fact that you think about it and want to do better makes you EXTRAordinary! I admire you greatly!

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    • Thanks, Jodi! And that’s exactly what I meant. Of course we’re going to get angry sometimes, but we don’t have to take it out on others and we sure don’t want to stay that way. I remember watching some show on TV once and a woman was so angry, shouting at at the reporter. I thought, “Is that how I come across when I’m angry? And if so, is acting like that going to get me what I want?” It was an eye-opener for sure. So now I do want to try harder to be the kind of person I really want to be. Not perfect, by any means, but at least someone who tries to be understanding, forgiving and kind. And on the times when I am angry or thinking hateful thoughts, is able to move past those emotions rather than dwell on them.
      Thanks, as always, for your support! You will always have my respect and admiration!!!

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  18. Hi Ann – I know just what you mean because my blog is also a very positive place, but negative thoughts and frustrations can still seep into our real lives. It definitely happens to me and I run to my blog for balance! I do think that blogging is overwhelmingly positive and the best form of social media. I think people who are sucked into catty, judgemental thoughts and posts on FB and Instagram and Twitter get twice as much negativity and anger. Great post.

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    • You are so right! When people talk about Social media and the issues that it has, I sort of assume they aren’t referring to blogging sites such as Word Press, because the people I have “met” through my blog are overwhelmingly kind and helpful. It sort of restores my faith in humanity, to be honest. And I love that your blog (which is very good) is also a “hate-free zone.” You give your opinions about the books, and so do your readers in the comment section, but I’ve never seen anyone be disrespectful about someone else’s opinion or ideas. As that’s as it should be!

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  19. There is an old saying in the land I live in: how long can the goat’s mother keep wishing well for her progeny? I don’t mean to be a cynic or a contrarian but there is a point where the line must be drawn. Expressing anger is a natural outlet for pent up emotions withholding which might manifest in grimmer outcomes. I believe reasonable restraint is the key.

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    • That’s a very good point, and I don’t think there’s anything cynical about it. I think I probably used a bad example with the car pulling out in front of me, as that is a case where most people would get angry, and the person I was yelling at couldn’t see or hear me. But what I want to avoid is becoming a person who is too quick to get angry and to quick to take it out on others, because that kind of anger can consume us and make us and everyone around us miserable. On the other hand, as you point out, it’s not good to bottle up our anger or negative emotions either, so we need to let them out in a safe say. I agree that reasonable restraint is the key. Thanks for the comment, and I hope you will always feel free to express your opinions here. When people bring up a point of disagreement, it actually moves the discussion forward for everyone, in a good way!

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  20. Wonderful self introspection and commitment to your values. I’m far from perfect (very far!) but a personal philosophy I try to live up to is, ” if I don’t say it I won’t think it. And if I don’t think it I won’t feel it”. Thanks for another thought provoking post!

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    • Oh, me too. I’m so far from perfect that I can’t even see it on the horizon….
      But I love your philosophy….sometimes we really do need to just turn our back on the negativity, because our thoughts do become our words and our words often become our actions. Venting when we really need to is fine, but it’s so easy to get stuck in that anger mode. I’m going to bear your philosophy in mind, as I think it will help me a lot!

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  21. You know, what they say about looking at the past may apply to anger, as well: I’ve heard it said that it’s OK to look at the past, as long as you don’t stare at it.
    It’s there, it’s real, but let it go and let it flow through and beyond me.
    Or…have my anger,or my anger will have me!

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    • That’s a great way to look at it! “Look at it,” because it’s real, but “don’t stare at it” because we don’t need to become obsessed with it or dwell on it. We can’t choose what happens to us or how we react to it emotionally, but we can choose how we act on our emotions, I think. And those choices dictate the kind of life we will have. Thanks for this perspective!

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  22. Ann your blog always resonates with kindness and this post is no exception. I think that you “reacted” to an incident which means that you’re simply human. But I totally get what you’re saying. Sometimes I say things in anger (often like you in the car) and afterwards realise that it’s all such a wasted and negative emotion. We don’t need it and it serves no purpose to anyone but we’re only human, not perfect. Great reflections you’ve written here.

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    • Thanks so much, Miriam! I’m not at all surprised that you understand, as you spend so much time in your own blog encouraging others to be our best selves, warts and all. There are times when I get angry and I know it’s justified, but there are other times when I know that I lost my temper far too quickly. And either when, afterwards I want to move on beyond the anger to a place of healing and peace. Life is too short to waste in those dark moments of our soul…..

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  23. Congratulations on owning a hatefree positive space in this world for three long years. That is a wonderful achievement.
    This is another blog of yours which really got me thinking. (The one that you wrote on how we avoid people with different opinions than ours, be it political or religious, still keeps playing in my mind)
    I was also reading about how some of your readers were commenting that anger is also an emotion and it is only human to get angry. Yes , completely agree that anger is also an emotion and it is only natural. But the difference with this particular emotion is that it is clearly a negative emotion. Though it is difficult for us to stop it from occurring, what is in our hands is how we treat that emotion. How much of importance we give it and how long we hold on to it. How we react in that situation and how we sail through it. And like you said, any negative feeling that we have, leaves us more hurt than anyone else. So why harbor it for too long? Lets look at ways to kick it out as soon as we possibly can.

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    • Yes, that is exactly how I feel! We can’t control what makes us angry or how often we get angry, but we can control what we do with that anger and how we express it. And I honestly don’t believe that much good is accomplished when people don’t let go of their anger. If we use our anger as the catalyst to work for positive change, then that’s a good thing. If we use our anger as an excuse to cloak ourselves in self-righteousness or hopelessness, then we accomplish nothing. And if we get in the habit of taking our anger out on others, we can do some real damage, I think. Thanks for your validating comment!

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  24. Life is too short to have a strong emotion such as hate. I personally think think of better things in my life have more use for nicer emotions why waste it in hating. If you know what I mean.

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    • I agree, in that case it probably was. (Although I do have to remember that the other drive may simply not have seen me and made an honest mistake.) It wasn’t really the best example I could have used, but it was what got me thinking about the difference between how I react on my blog and how I sometimes react in real life, so I used it. But I’m glad that I didn’t stay angry and let it ruin the rest of my day!
      PS: Can you provide a link to your blog? I can’t find it from your name.

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  26. I’ve always been told that it isn’t the anger but our response to the anger that is the issue. We can feel the flash of heat but it is a personal choice on how we respond – either to magnify it, hold onto it, or let go of it. Holding it simply hurts us. magnifying it hurts others, but letting it go – acknowledges the existence and allows an intentional decision to be kind.

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    • I love it! That “flash of heat” does show up now and then, often uninvited and also sometimes where it isn’t justified. But you are so right, we can hang on to it, magnify it, or acknowledge it and let it go. And I like the way you said “acknowledge it” before we let it go, because I don’t think it’s healthy to pretend we never get angry. We do, and we always will. We just have to decide what to do with that anger. Thanks for the comment!

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  27. There is so much anger and divisiveness in all segments of society (especially social media) that I think people become desensitized to it. It’s OK to disagree, even strongly, but there’s a civil way to interact. Hosting a blog that strives to be honest, yet stay positive is not only refreshing but may provide a ripple effect, starting with your readers. Your post reminds me that I could work on my own less than totally positive attitude myself.

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    • I agree, and as one of my readers pointed out, I think it’s also possible that some people have become addicted to internet rage. It’s truly sad the way that people have forgotten how to disagree without attacking each other, because we are never going to agree on everything. And believe me, when I write my posts, I am writing them mostly to convince myself. I need to work on this area a whole lot!

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  28. Beautifully written 🙂 I can relate to that moment in the car when you expressed a sudden anger for the other driver. Just as I think that I am good at something, there is a life event that shows me that I am not quite good as I presume to be. However, I always strive to be/do better.

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    • Thanks, Anabel! This post has certainly generated some interesting discussion, and I have learned a lot from it. The comment section always takes my ideas much further than I ever could on my own, and I appreciate that so much!

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  31. Anger is a natural and very strong emotion Ann.
    I understand what you’re saying, but if someone
    has done you wrong, let see/hear how angry you are.
    It’s the way of life. Maybe it will teach them a lesson.

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    • I agree that anger is natural and that I should not try to surpress it (sort of how I feel when autospell keeps telling me that each and every way I try to spell supress is wrong!). I guess where I am coming from is that I have been spending too much time with people who seem to be chronically angry, and I have also found myself losing my temper far too easily lately. I really don’t want to become a chronically angry person, because that’s not the kind of life I want to live. I do believe in boundaries, and I don’t have a problem letting people know the lines they can’t cross. But, when possible, I’d prefer to do it without lashing out in anger. I’d rather express my anger in a way that doens’t hurt other people as often as I can. Does that make sense?

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  34. Matching anger or aggression with an anger-response is something I am working on right now. I’ve been giving it considerable thought, so when I read your post, it resonated with me. When I am alone, I can “tiptoe through the tulips.” However, when I am around people, I often respond to their anger or aggression with my own anger. But what does that accomplish? Also, I don’t like who I am in those moments. I’m with you, I want to “think twice before I open my mouth in anger.” I am intentionally trying, and isn’t that what it’s all about? It’s a life-long process, growing and becoming more the person we desire to be. As they say in Chinese, “Jai You,” or “keep going” (literally “pour on the oil”). Thanks so much for your “hate-free” blog and your words of wisdom. I sure appreciate both! =)

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    • Believe me, I know what you mean! Part of what prompted me to write this post was the realization that I was responding to someone else’s anger with my own anger too often lately (it’s been a bit stressful in my life recently.) And as you say, it doesn’t accomplish anything, and it is not the person I want to be. So I think that is an area where I need to concentrate on some personal growth. It’s always a process and always a journey, but I think as long as we move forward, we’re okay. Thanks for your insightful comment!

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  35. We all struggle with this. You were scared when the car pulled out-and rightfully so. Forgive yourself on that account as I am learning often the core of moments of anger is fear. I have been working on this heavily for a few months-and still have a ways to go. beautiful post-and your blog is a happy place!

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    • Thank you, I hope it is a happy place! And you’re right that often, my anger comes from a place of fear. So I’m beginning to think that it was okay to get angry with that driver, because he scared me. But I still don’t want to feel free to lash out every time I get angry, because that’s not a good habit or a good way to be. Thanks for you comment!

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  37. I can only add my voice to those of my fellow bloggers – there are certain situation where anger is rightly felt and acted upon like that with the bad driver. At the same time I can understand your wish to reign in those angry fits for your own sake as well as for others. There’s always room for improvement in our personalities and recognizing it is the first step.
    That said I remember us talking a couple of weeks ago that we both hated maths at school and that the use of that word is absolutely justified in that context 😉

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  39. A certain amount of anger is inevitable, but hatred is more insidious. Anger is natural; hatred is learned, feeding on anger. I don’t get the sense you’ve been feeding the beast, in “real life” or on your blog.

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    • Yes, I think you are right that anger can lead to hatred, if we’re not careful. And thanks for your comment. I have been very intentional about what I put on my blog, and even though I don’t think of myself as an excessively angry or hateful person, I have realized that I need to put more effort into that area. Because it is easier to give in to anger (which can lead to hate) than I want to think.

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  40. Your posts are always uplifting and reflective, Ann and this one is no different. When we get angry with someone we never know what’s going on in their lives or what may have caused them to act in a way that made us angry. Sometimes if we’re alone in a closed room it’s ok to let off a little steam and scream at the world. But what passes our lips to others can never be taken back so we should be very careful about what we say.

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    • I agree, George! Sometimes when I’m angry I can’t really get over it unless I do say something. But what I have learned to do in those situations is “vent” to a safe third party who doesn’t even know the person or situation that is making me angry. Then if I need to, I can talk to the object of my anger calmly and politely, which is how we move ahead. Because, as you say, once we lash out at a person, we can’t ever take those words back. And I know for sure I don’t want to go around hurting other people. (Not even bad drivers!!)

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  41. My blog is all about reminding people about being positive regardless of any situation but sometimes I slip up & not apply what I’ve always known to my real life. Getting angry is a natural human emotion, it only becomes a problem when you let it consume you. I enjoyed your post! 🙂

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  42. It is to your credit that you have keep your blog civil. With all the hatred, bigotry and negativity in general, it is not easy to lose it once in a while. I have been guilty of voicing the negative in private but should take your advice and cull that out two.

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    • I think it’s natural to voice the negative now and then, but I agree that in private is the best way to do it. And then once we voice it, to move on rather than dwell on it. Our emotions do need to come out, but that doesn’t mean they need to dictate all our words and actions, I think. Believe me, I’m still working on that one!

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  43. Congratulations Ann for creating such a wonderful space encouraging intellectual discussions free of hatred and despise. Your post is so thought provoking and positive too 🤘🤘☺️☺️ Keep writing friend.
    Good day, Charu

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  45. This is pretty powerful & encouraging. With every year that passes, I take a step closer to my “mid-life” and I’ve learned how harness my anger, especially when it comes to life’s challenges & disobedient drivers! I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to let things go because at this stage their not worth the stress, anxiety or time. But there are times where I have lapses and my “keeping it real” mentality takes over hahaha. When your sarcastic & witty, sometimes that’s a hard thing to tame, but for the most part I try to keep positivity in and negativity out. If negativity creeps in, then I “almost” always try to look at the bright side of things. Still a work in progress. Thanks for the read!

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    • Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! And I completely agree about the “work in progress” part, as I am the same way. I try to stay positive, or at least to acknowledge the negative and the move on, but sometimes I don’t manage that. But in the long run, I think it’s the trying that counts.

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  46. I love the title of your blog ” muddling through my middle age” That is where I am as well. Yes I can relate to your anger, I was thinking how my boss goes to lunch the same time everyday. She asked when I was going today. I thought to myself I would like to go when you are going. But that was out of the question. Our policy states that who ever comes in goes first, but with her taking the prime time to go you have to go before her or after her. So I was listening to scriptures in my car and realized I was complaining so started talking to the Lord about it. I guess I was taking the moat out of her eye before looking at myself. Anyway I like your way of thinkin so far.

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    • I’m glad you connect with “Muddling” through our middle age. It often feels that way, doesn’t it? And yes, it is so easy to let our anger get the best of us, especially when it feels justified. But we need to do better than that, and it does help to realize how very often what we do makes others angry, even if it is unintentional. I think that is the point of that scripture, and I think it is also a good one: let’s clean up our own act first, before we start demanding that others clean up theirs. Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment!

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  47. I agree with you 100%. I, too, think that my blog has for the most part been hate-free. Although I’ve gone on a rant or two about NY State education assessments. But in my personal life I’m very judgmental. And very embarrassed to admit it. I would feel horrible if people judged me based on where I live, my religion, my political views, or heaven forbid judge me on how I look. But I find myself doing those same things. Then I shake head and say STOP IT. And I pray about it. Your reaction was normal. But a nice reminder that we aren’t perfect people. And a reminder that I have more work to do to for myself.
    ps. It has a lot to do with my mood at the time, as well.

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    • I don’t think you’ve ever said anything hateful on your blog, and I’ve never seen any hateful comments their either. But I can relate so much to your experience. I know I will always get mad (sometimes justifiably so) and I am bad about judging, especially if I’m in a stressed/bad mood. But I know I can, and want, to do better. I figure if we can be civil and open-minded on our blogs, why can’t we do it in our life as well? If nothing else, it’s a worthy goal!

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