I’ve always been a stubborn person, in a negative sort of way. I may have the annoying habit of trying to please other people and make sure they both like me and approve of me, but the very second someone tells me that I can’t do something is also the very second that I become determined to do it, come hell or high water.
Last night, my husband and I decided to go out to dinner, and I suggested our favorite Italian restaurant. My husband said he thought it would be too crowded, since when we were there last year on the Saturday before Valentine’s Day, it was packed. (I even wrote a post about it: Valentine Love) True to form, I then suggested calling and asking if they had room for two more. We did, and the manager assured us that although they were busy, he would be able to “work us in.” So off we went.
When we arrived, every table was taken and lots of people were waiting to be seated. Undeterred, we snagged two empty seats at the bar, ordered a glass of wine and settled in to wait. As we waited, more and more people poured in, and all of them had a reservation. Even worse, very few people were actually leaving. We both knew the sensible thing to do would be give up and hit the nearest pizza parlor, but we didn’t. “We’ll give it ten more minutes,” we kept telling each other, grimly clutching our empty wine glasses as the crowd of people waiting pressed even closer. We had both been fighting colds all week, were tired and very hungry, but by golly we were going to get a table. And over an hour later, we finally did.
Sadly, my knack for stubbornly hanging on isn’t limited to dining out. I spent years trying to get my children’s books published, which is actually the sort of persistence that most writers need. But the problem was I spent those years submitting my work the exact same way: sending off the full manuscript to one large publishing house at a time, then waiting weeks or even months before they sent it back and I mailed it off to another one. My system obviously wasn’t working, but that didn’t mean I was willing to give it up. Yet the only book I eventually published was sold through an entirely different method: I heard a book packager was looking for fantasy novels for teens, so I sent them the required book proposal, and they asked me to write the manuscript.
We are so often taught that quitting is a bad thing, that it means giving up on our hopes and dreams, that it almost brands us as some kind of loser. But I’m beginning to believe that there are times when quitting is actually the best option. There are times when a relationship is no longer working out, when a job is no longer the right fit, or when we’re just plain going about something the wrong way and we need to stop.
And those are the times when quitting is actually a good thing, because it opens the door to new opportunities. When we walk away from friendships that are no longer healthy, we have time to make new friends who can actually enrich our lives. Sometimes quitting means we can take new jobs that challenge us, try new ways to achieve our goals, and find new projects to support. And hopefully, even someone as stubborn as me can start figuring out when it’s time to quit.