Planning Ahead?

/ Ann Coleman

IMG_0291As anyone who has ever met me knows, I am really, really, good at worrying. For me, worrying is almost as natural as breathing, and for the most part, if I’m breathing, I’m also worrying about something.  So I knew that when my daughter got engaged, I was going to have to make an honest effort to just go along with her decisions, to simply dig in and do the work that is required to pull off a wedding these days and try my very best to trust that things would all work out.

I’ve been making a very conscious effort not to think about all the things that could possibly go wrong, which is my usual approach to just about everything.  I know that sounds awfully negative, but it’s really not.  My theory is that if I have anticipated a possible problem and already figured out a solution, or at least an acceptable reaction to the problem, then I don’t have to think about it anymore.  Because if the problem happens, I already know what I’m going to do about it.  Still, I knew my habit of obsessing over potential problems was going to drive my daughter, her fiancé and my husband all crazy so I tried very hard not to do it, and mostly succeeded.

IMG_0297So that might explain why I wasn’t as prepared for this, the week before the big wedding, as I would normally have been.  When a representative from the church called yesterday to say that our minister had been called out of town for a family emergency and wouldn’t be able to do the wedding, I didn’t have another minister already in mind who could do the service.  (Luckily, they did.)  And when my husband called early this morning to say that when he called the limo service to verify where they are taking the bridal party for their after-wedding photos and got a recording saying that the phone number was no longer in service, I had no back up plan handy.  And when my daughter texted me a little later to let me know that the dentist just told her she needs to have a root canal tomorrow and asked what I thought she should do, I had to fight the urge to tell her to call her father and do whatever he advised.

Now I know that the odds are very high that everything will all work out just fine.  The problem with the limo service was simply with the phone system, and they didn’t really go out of business three days before the wedding and two days after we made the final payment.  My daughter is going to a very good dental specialist and I’m sure the procedure will actually make her feel much better, as who wants to get married with a sore tooth?   And the church’s Wedding Coordinator has been in close touch, assuring me that he will make sure everything goes well during the ceremony.

I still think that I would have handled the problems that have arisen in the last forty-eight hours a little bit better if I had followed my usual routine of thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong with the wedding and had already identified some solutions.  My system of planning for potential problems (also known as worrying) may not be everyone’s cup of tea.  But I have reached the point in my life where I realize that it’s what works for me.

23 thoughts on “Planning Ahead?”

  1. Oh Ann…loved “Planning Ahead”. You’ve been in my thoughts and I wish you all the best this weekend but what I really want to remind you of is to take a deep breath and enjoy yourself. The Krosches wish Martha all the best. Have a wonderful weekend and we’ll get caught up after we all get back in town.

    Patty k

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  2. Like you Ann I am a worrier but for your daughter’s wedding you have a valid reason. I feel that all will go well and you will wonder why you worried in the first place.
    Best wishes to Martha and her groom for a happy wedding day. May they have a wonderful life together. The weather forecast is wonderful for Saturday.
    Look forward to seeing the pictures.
    Breathe!
    Dianne

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  3. Ann, I totally get it! I look forward to hearing the glowing post wedding stories. What church is pictured? Our second son, Jacob, is getting married in CA on the 26th. I, too, am thinking all about a wedding. Yet, he and his partner have planned it all and I really just need to show up. My brother is officiating. It will be wonderful. Meanwhile, there is much regular living to do before our CA trip. Have a wonderful wedding week-end. Enjoy!

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    • The church in the picture is Mt. Tabor UCC, which is where I was married. But it just closed, so it’s not the church where Martha is getting married…I don’t have a photo of that one, so I used this one instead. Plus, the sanctuaries look fairly similar. Congrats to Jacob on his upcoming wedding! I know you will really enjoy it! And how nice that David is going to officiate. Thanks, Dee!

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  4. Have a wonderful day Ann and my best to all of you. Having married three daughters in the past, I was prepared for something to go wrong, even a little something so when it did we just went to plan B..:) you’ll have a great day. Just enjoy every moment, it goes by much too quick. Congratulation!

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  5. “For me, worrying is almost as natural as breathing, and for the most part, if I’m breathing, I’m also worrying about something.”
    I see we have something in common. I have a habit of thinking about how everything can go wrong, and what other options there might be. It also helps with not much coming as a shock.

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  6. I’m not sure “planning ahead for problems” is the same as worrying. You are doing something useful when you plan ahead. No matter what happens Saturday, your daughter will be a radiant bride and by the end of the day she will still be married to the man of her dreams even if all doesn’t go exactly as planned! Have a wonderful day and enjoy every minute! Congratulations!

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  7. I tend to be a bit of a worrier too, Ann, but like you am working on it, and see how it works out :). Oh how exciting to have a wedding ahead this weekend. Please take time to simply ENJOY the day! It will go sooooo soooo sooo very fast, after so so so much time and money and work and planning and worrying. CHERISH the Moments! Wishing you much peace and joy and can’t wait to hear all about it!!!

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  10. I’m sure everything will go well at your daughter’s wedding. It’s one of most important days in the life of any family, so I completely understand the urge to prepare for every contingency and how hard it must be to have to sit on your hands.

    Incidentally, I don’t mean to alarm you, but has anybody contacted NASA to enquire about the possibility of a meteorite strike?

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  12. I am just seeing this as last fall I wasn’t on much, and then as you know I “left” for a while, but……….I have to agree that planning ahead, to the best of your ability, is different from worrying. It’s called having a Plan B, or C, or D, or Z in hand! I am sure the wedding was beautiful, and hope I find a post about it as I look through your posts, but…thought I would share some of my experiences with my daughter’s wedding. Because there is NO wedding that occurs without at least one glitch. I just don’t think it’s possible. Three weeks before the wedding I had to find a new photographer. Three weeks before the wedding!!! While planning the wedding, it was apparent one or two of my son-in-law’s to be groomsmen were not taking things seriously enough, and he had to replace them. The day I arrived in Florida for wedding week, I came down with an awful UTI. And,….after the reception, someone stole the wedding cake before the venue could pack it up for us. Seriously, who steals wedding cake! I still feel jipped! But we now view that as a humorous story. Oh, and when I was married…..my Aunt was to play the organ at the wedding, as she was incredibly talented. Three months before my wedding she unexpectedly passed away. The next organist I chose did not respond to my requests as to whether he could perform for us or not. As it turns out the church had hired a new organist. I didn’t know her, but she could play for us, so……..And, to be honest, I didn’t even notice the music. .Looking forward to going through your posts to read more about the wedding!

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    • Yes, I agree that planning ahead is a good thing, so that we at least have some idea of what to do when things go wrong. (And something often does go wrong, as you know! I can’t believe all of that happened to your daughter’s wedding, even though I remember reading about it on your blog!) I did write about my daughter’s wedding, in the next two posts, “Wedding Hopes” and “Wedding Memories.” Last November, my son got married, and there is a post about that, too, called “Wedding Moments.” So now both of my kids are married, which means no more posts about weddings!

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