I was wasting time on Facebook the other day, aimlessly scrolling down my newsfeed, when I saw a post about working mothers. The point was basically that working mothers need help and understanding, rather than judgement, from the stay-at-home moms, and was followed by the usual long stream of comments. I should have known better than to read them, but when I’m trying to avoid my “to do” list, I never ignore a perfectly good distraction. So I found myself reading the predictable comments where working moms accused the stay-at-home moms of being cliquish, over-priviledged and unambitious, while the stay-at-home moms accused the working moms of putting their career before the well-being of their children, not being involved in their children’s schools and being condescending to those who stayed at home.
Sadly, none of this was new. The same arguments and accusations were being tossed around when my own children were small, which was a long time ago. I found it depressing that so many young women still hadn’t learned to simply respect that mothers tend to chose what is best (or necessary) for them and their families when they make their career and child-rearing decisions, and that it’s not helpful to trash talk those who make different choices. Depressing, but not surprising.
I don’t think it’s realistic to expect mothers of young children to be respectful and considerate of those who make different choices and have different beliefs when so few other people show respect and consideration for those who are different. We live in a society where attacking beliefs that are different from ours has become the norm. If someone’s political or religious views are different from ours, they are fair game for any ridicule or criticism we can heap upon them….or so it would seem from watching cable news shows, reading the letters to the editor in the newspaper, or reading the comment sections on Facebook or internet news posts. The message seems clear: only those who think, look and act just like us are acceptable.
Personally, I find that message unacceptable. Of course I like my own opinions best; who doesn’t? But I’ve lived long enough to realize that I don’t want to limit my relationships to people who always agree with me. I have friends and family from almost every religious point of view, and definitely from every political point of view, and I value all of them. My only requirement is that they don’t attack my views, and that I don’t attack theirs. We may discuss our different beliefs respectfully, or we may just tactically “agree to disagree,” depending on the issue and our personalities, but we can, and do, stay in relationship with each other. At our best, we even learn from each other and grow a little bit wiser and a little more tolerant. Sometimes, I’ve even managed to admit that I might be (gasp) wrong…just once in a while, of course.
Not all the comments following the post about working mothers were negative. Several suggested that the best thing to do was simply realize that all the mothers were doing their best to be good moms, and to stop judging each other and start trying to be be nice to each other. They pointed out that a little understanding and kindness can go a long way. Call me naive, but I couldn’t agree more.